What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

My dad needs to be shaved weekly. I refuse to shave my dad. I'm impatient and have been known (those rare times to shave my legs) to find a long razor cut on my leg. Dad usually pays our niece-of-next-door or the neighbor, Jimmy, renting the house next door. Jimmy is well known to borrow money, promise to pay it back and never does.

Tonight, as usual, my dad tells me his day. He was saying that Jimmy shaved him. Dad only paid him $10.00 (whereas the last time he paid Jimmy $40.00, before that was $20.00). My dad loves sun glasses. He must have commented to Jimmy about his eye glass because Jimmy offered his sun glasses to dad.

Dad said, "I said no because I know that guy! If I say yes, he's going to say to me, 'It's ONLY $10.00.' ONLY." I burst out laughing because despite my dad's decline mentally, he's still sharp when it comes to his money!

Well, they posted my Aunt's picture near the exit door of the dementia unit because she tried to escape by posing as a life insurance agent having met with someone on the unit. Visitors kept letting her out with them. It was a funny poster to see.

LOL! Like your Aunt's claim to fame. A wanted poster in her unit. Did she used to sell life insurance?

Is her picture the only one posted? While it is funny, I would first be worried about Mom's dignity.
Second, if she is that smart to have a plan of escape, let her outta there!

I'm late in changing dad's pamper tonight. I saw that he was getting restless and mistakenly thought it was because of that. So, I reassured him that as soon as I'm done, we will change his pamper.

He replied, "Change my pamper? That's a lot of work!"

Oh, really??? Hmmm... I recall I'm doing most of the pulling, pushing, holding him in place with one hand while the other is cleaning because Someone Forgets to hold on to the railing while on his side... lower back pain...

Of course, I will give him credit because when he turns without my assistance he looks like an overturned turtle with his legs/arms swinging in the air trying to turn. So, maybe from his viewpoint, it Is a lot of work!

Loved this thread, just read almost 700 posts! Here's mine. In the ER Monday, looks at me and says "My other daughter...I can't remember her name...she thinks shes the boss of EVERYTHING!" Since she never sees my sister she could only be talking about me...to me.

I took my dad in for an outpatient surgery today, and he did something funny...

I had given him the pre op instruction list weeks ago, and went over them again with him yesterday. Shower with antibacterial wash, no food/liquid after midnight, wear PJs/robe, leave watch and wallet at home, etc.

I knew there would be some non-compliance based on previous experience, so I gave him a hard look but didn't say much when he insisted on wearing: PJs, shirt and jeans over that, a fisherman's vest full of his assorted junk, an overcoat with pockets filled up with yet more stuff. He wore his fanny pack that holds checkbooks and other junk, and carried a small suitcase with who-knows-what in it. I'm not exaggerating at all. That's what my father wanted to wear to surgery, despite my attempts to get him to comply, despite having my mother call to encourage him to comply. So. It is what it is. I told him this morning to remember to bring picture ID and insurance card.

We get to the hospital. I explain to the sympathetic, understanding staff that I attempted to get my dad to comply, but it's a comfort thing for him to bring all his stuff, and thanked them for their understanding. I asked my dad to get out his insurance card. He said "I didn't bring my wallet because it said 'no wallet'."

They still admitted him. Thankfully.

Just sitting watching television one evening I moved the wrong way on the sofa trying to get up and stumbled. I thought my mom was asleep. When I walked on into the kitchen I heard her say that's what you get with your fat self always eating up everything in site.

Mymommy ~ Aw! I hope she was joking with you, and sounds like she was! Lol!

My husband (67) has hallucinations that are neither pleasant or harmless. He accuses neighbors and family of awful things. However, a couple weeks ago he came back from walking the dogs (always the exact same route) and told me, "I'm really tired of all the kids who stop me to ask about sex!" After putting my eyeballs back in my head and then trying not to fall on the floor laughing, it amazes me that after nine years he can still surprise me with what he says. I've been getting a lot of mileage from this story because I have something pleasant to say for a change.

Daddy said...

"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."

(wait five minutes)

"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."

(repeat ad nauseum)

hahaahahah!!! Okay, I only have seconds to write this one. Program comes on TV, it is a re-run and we only had seen it THIS WEEK, so I remember everything about it, and I´m not about to sit thru it.
I get up and say: Mom, since we just saw this one, I am going to play with my computer for a while.............
We just saw this one????????
When???????????
I knew it would be useless, so I said exactly what was going to happen in the next minute, and it did!!!
She said.........oh, it did happen!!!
I see you in 1 hour mom.............my hour is up.

M88

My dad's stories have changed a lot from the reality. As a civilian warehouse man for the navy, he retired early so that he can caregive mom full time. Tonight, he's on the roll with his reality.

"People are so surprise when they find out that I'm a federal agent." .. Really? A federal agent?

Bumping for a newbie who sounds like she could use a laugh!

Tonight, my dad looked at me and said, "I like K." I was confused since he was telling me that he likes me - yet instead of saying "you", he said my name, "K." So I repeated back to him, "You like K?" He said yes. I asked why does he like K? He said, "K is very good to me." I just didn't know how to respond to this.

So, I asked him, "Do you know who I am?" He looked at me with a confused look and shook his head. I asked, "You really don't know who I am? I'm K." He gave me this very blank look.

Then he said after a long pause and apologetically, "I'm very forgetful." He kept saying it over and over but I can tell from his eyes that he still couldn't connect me to the person K. Oh well, I took this as a compliment and it sure made my day! Especially since he never tells it to me in my face that he likes me and appreciates what I've been doing for him.

Oops.... he just looked at me and said, "I need a shave. Can you shave me? You, who are you?" I guess, he still doesn't remember me - from 2 hours ago....

So I was giving Her Majesty her medicine.
I took her blood sugar, and she thought I was trying to give her insulin. When I gave her the insulin needle, she got mad because she thought that I'd just given her insulin, and she jammed the needle down onto the table and bent it down. I fixed it for her and gave it to her, and she put it in the little container we throw away the used needles in. By now of course, she thought she'd taken her insulin instead of throwing away a full needle. I finally got her to take it. Then I gave her her pills. She said she didn't trust me, and that she wasn't taking them.
I said, "Fine, you're not hurting anyone but yourself." I looked away for a second and then looked back and saw that she had them hidden in her fist. I said, "Did you take them?"
She said, "Yes."
I said, "Show me your hands."
Here's where it gets funny/pathetic. She opened the hand that didn't have the pills (her left hand). I said, "Show me your other hand."
She hastily tried to transfer the pills to her left hand, but one dropped out. It was just so ridiculous and childish ... gahhh. After that she took the pills, but boy ... we have a routine, I don't know why in the world she acts like this.
It's not like I changed up the routine or did something out of the ordinary. Ugh.

scene:

Joan wafer thin and quite hard of hearing finds following a conversation a bit difficult

Mum not so thin and also cannot follow a conversation

Mum- HELLO ITS NICE TO SEE YOU

You’ve put on weight

SHES ON A DIET (LAUGHS)
No You you have put on weight

OH IM NOT ON A DIET JUST JUDITH

I Have Oak meals
DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED?

oh no the carer gets me a pint every other day

NO NO THE MEALS DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED
The carer gets my milk not my meals

BUT YOUR MEALS ARE THEY DELIVERED
Yes every week

ARE THEY FROZEN OR CHILLED?
No

Are they fresh?
Yes I have skimmed

Gotta laugh, or we would all go insane!

Awww bless him

Thunder, I laughed aloud at your post. It brought back memories of the first time I took a photo of bedridden father. When I showed it to him, he said, "That's me? That's not me! I'm not That old!" He got so upset about it. And went on and on about it.

So I quickly put on his sunglasses and took his photo- several ones. Then I chose the best looking one and showed it to him while complimenting how handsome he looks with his sunglasses. It took a while but he finally agreed he looked "sharp". I've learned since then to be very careful of what photos to show him.

I've reread your post and still got a chuckle from it.

My mother, when I found her distinctive raincoat with the pockets stuffed with mixed nuts (how appropriate) and some coins in preparation for running away from her assisted living home said: "No, that's not my coat. Somebody put it in here."
Really? Really??

Got mom her shower today and did her hair. I got the tweezers to take the hairs off her chin. She hollered, swore at me, made a fist as I pulled them. After, I gave her the mirror. The she said "Oh, thank you!"

Took Mum to the docs today - its been a bad day - she told me she wanted to die because that would make me happy and she didn't say it in any kind sort of way it was absolutely nasty. Bearing in mind I found out today that my ex has probably got less than a year to live I wasn't in a good place and I am sorry I lost it and was nasty back calling her a selfish nasty b$t^h which I know I shouldn't have done.

So tonight we get to the doctor, I told the doctor what I had done and why so I then sat away from them behind a curtain while the doc spoke to Mum. This was not a good time I felt like poo until I heard this:

How did you feel when your daughter called you names?
I wanted a number 2
So your daughter upset you when she called you names?
My daughter calls me Mum
Yes but today when she was angry?...
Oh she's always angry...but don't blame her its my fault.....
Why do you say its your fault?
Well I never wanted to adopt her ...I hate girls...and I don't like you either
Why don't you like me?
Well girls shouldn't be doctors - you should know your place
So getting back to earlier today what happened?
I had soup
Erm I meant when you were having a shower
I never had a shower we have a bath you talk rubbish can we go home now officer?

At that point I know that whatever I said never penetrated

Ok then! If nothing else good happens all day, at least we have humor.
Phoenix, every family should have one of your Mum. Lol.

From now on, just tell yourself you need this funny material for the successful book you are going to write, and make a zillion copies on the best seller list.!!

My mom told me she got married two days before....then giggled like a little schoolgirl. She also told me that her 'husband' was very jealous if she talked to any other man. I just went along with her and her unseen new 'spouse' because, honestly, her previous personality was so disagreeable that it is now nice to see her happy!

After trying explain to my mother-in-law the reasons for, and the logistics of an upcoming doctor appointment, she grew very quiet out of anger and frustration. A few minutes later she says "You talk backwards and upside-down! It's either 'yes' or 'not no'!"
Humor and grammar gaffes are beyond her now, so I hid my smile and replied simply "you're right, Mom. You're right."

The other day my Mom who has dementia was watching tv, my husband turned it to the olympics and a girl on the tv waved. My mom says "I hope she isn't mad that I didn't wave back". she sometimes thinks the people on tv can see her.

Mom came out for breakfast yesterday and commented. "Your hotel has the best coffee!" "I love it." A bit later she comment how good the scrambled eggs are. She said "Thank you, Miss." Made me smile, I finally did something right.

My mother, who has been a real pill in the past, has suffered several small strokes and had a few falls recently. She's definitely on the "decline"....so I am trying to be more helpful and supportive to her.
Yesterday, I was helping her with Christmas ideas (!) but I am doing all hers, so I want to get a jump on it. I REALLY wanted to clean, but she won't let me do that anymore, so her place is a disaster.
While we were talking, I was just staring off into space, but she thought I was looking at her countertops, which are filthy and covered in junk. She said "You KNOW that I am leaving this mess behind so you can come in and curse at me for leaving so much junk behind." I laughed and said "Mom, I will clean your place out in an hour. Don't try to hoard more junk on my account."
As I was leaving, mailman pulls up--she "races" to the door to see him (he graciously hands her the mail, although this is a rural type mail service and she is supposed to get mail in the street box) She hands this poor, sweet man 2 Hersheys kisses and says "Here's your kisses for the day". She's positively simpering over this man. He's so kind....and I have witnessed this so often I am not even embarrassed by it.

I'm struggling to stop the late night snacking... and failing miserably .. either due to hungry tummy or hunger pangs. I just finished changing dad's pamper, 10:00pm. I exclaimed, "I'm hungry!" ..PS, I always fall for this! And I never learn my lesson! Except this time, dad deviated from his usual response.

I exclaimed, "I'm hungry!"
Dad asked seriously, "You're hungry?"
I replied, "yes."
Dad asked seriously, "When did you change your name?"
I paused...huh?... Ohhhhh. He got me again!