Frustrated Daughter!!!

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My name is Debbie, my parents have a 24/7 caregiver! My Mom is 91, blind, 80% deaf, has Stage 2 colin cancer and hard headed. My dad has sever dimentia, Parkinson's and that is the main reason they have 24/7 care. There are so many problems. First, my Mom doesn't like the caregiver, she is from Ghana and she can't understand her. She takes (the caregiver) care of my Dad's toileting, bathing, puts him to bed, gets him up and dressed, etc., I feed him his lunch and sometimes breakfast. I go there every day and bring their food, make their food, take them to dr. appts., do housework, pay bills and take care of their finances, etc. I'm there about 3 hours a day. My Mom has nothing much good to say to me, my Dad is pitiful, has to wear diapers, be fed, his hands don't work. My mom argues with him, if he says something that is absolutely not true. Makes him mad. The girl there can't cook! I have to put their dinner on plates and give specific instructions on what to heat, and what not. She once microwaved an egg salad sandwich!!! She's been spoken to more than once about scrubbing my dad to hard, his skin is thin. My mom has me read her bank statement every day because she can't remember and is sure they'll be living under a bridge in a year. I'm not getting any help at all from my brother!! Okay, I've bitched enough, any suggestions?

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Hi howardroark I am not sure if your question was directed at me however I will jump it... and give you my words of wisdom, HA HA!!! Actually I have considerable experience with respite care. It is a very real part of what I do. I would encourage you to contact the Area Agency on Aging where you live. They can be a valuable resource for you. They can help you find services in your area or may even have folks to help you. My heart goes out to your Mom, please believe me when I tell you this if I were close by I would help her. Is there a home health care agency in your community either private or through the hospital??? If so they may know of someone who is able to do respite with your Father for your Mother. The average caregiver works over 110 hrs a week and my guess would be that your Mother is not a young lady, right??? Another thought is try some of the local nursing homes they will often do even overnight respite. I am sure that may not be everyones first choice but it can be a helpful solution. We have some really nice nursing homes in our area that do this. The respite program I am the director of is for folks with Alzheimer's disease. I do wish you well and pray that God will bless your efforts... I will say a prayer for you folks.. take care J
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Any leads on respite care. My mom has been caring for my dad for nearly 20 years after a devistating stroke. I have looked EVERYWHERE for respite care - just for her to have a night off would cost $100 - Her only option is me and time away from my family. I guess that is what family is about but sometimes I look at my friends and what they complain about - they have no idea. . .
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Hi Nana I am confused about time. I was glad to hear from you again... Kids are wonderful. We actually have 5 now 3 who I gave birth to and two that we were given to us by our sons. Our oldest two boys 30 and almost 28 are married and so we have beautiful and wonderful daughters in love. I am happy to have them and know that the boys are happy. God is good to us even when we don't deserve it. I hope things are well for you I have had a busy but productive day. I actually even baked some cookies, I love to bake. The summer before my husband and I were married I baked at a bible camp in northern Minnesota. take care Nana your friend in Iowa J
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Jaleyn My son is 14 and he can be very helpful around the house. I am thankful that he helps when I ask Him. Yes, God put us here to care for one another, I just feel strained sometimes, with my health problems and all, I can't work as much as I would like to, it is very frustrating being 40 and laden with health problems, I want to so much help others and when I can't I am angry with myself and get frustrated easily with those I care for when they become very demanding. I am glad you have a good support system at home. God Bless Nana
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Thank you Nana for your kind words... I am okay hon really, my husband is wonderful and I have a son at home who is very helpful too... He is 19 and in college and a really great kid , if I do say so myself... The Lord knows what we stand in need of and I think he put us here to care for one another... take care it was a joy to chat with you... J
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Jaleyn I liked the comment about the dog! Funny but true! You don't seem to have the help you need, taking care of your parents, how awful not to have your sibling to help! They just don't understand what it is like until they get in it themselves! I feel for you. My prayers are with you, I pray you get the support you need too. I am glad I found this site I sure needed some refreshing words and a little backup myself, I guess I needed to be reafirmed that what I said and was doing was right. God knows I try hard to please God, sometimes though we need reinforcement from outsiders out there who go through the same things. Many blessings your way glad to have talked to you today, maybe we will talk again.
Signing off, nana from Ohio
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I agree with you Nana, It is like when you are raising your children, sometimes it is easier to do it for them but that teaches them nothing. I had a little Grandma from Scotland and she always said, Lassie why keep a dog and bark yourself... kinda funny but wise... NO NO I do not think you were harsh... We have to care for ourselves too...take care nana , J
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Jaleyn I reminded them both that nursing homes are for those who can no longer do for themselves. I told them both that. I told them I was a home health aide mean't to assist them with whatever they needed me to assist them with, not their own personal slave to order around and be disrespected. You were not harsh at all! I agree with you, with what you said. The aide service out there is meant to assist and encourage those in their homes to help themselves as much as possible, but they abuse it. I will no longer be abused by them or anyone, that may seem harsh but I believe it is for their own good, if they don't hear the truth how can they ever have any quality of their life? How can they ever have any independence instead of dependence? It is hard to get someone out of that rut of dependence, when they have been taken care of when they are sick and get better, which they have and are stable. I am doing it for their own good, else they might as well just curl up and die, that sounds harsh, but if they are ever to have any self respect or respect for anyone else how could I not tell them that?
nana
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Your are very welcome.... I hope you didn't think I was being to harsh but lets get real... sometimes we just have to stand up for ourselves. My Dad had a heart attack oh probably 11 yrs ago... My sister from Seattle, who never comes home (we live in Iowa) was trying to tell me what to do. I was like HELL-O I am here taking care of both our parents don't you dare presume to tell me what to do. take care Nana God Bless, J.
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thanks jaleyn I had to get alot off my chest I will pray for you too. I think I did the right thing did you read all three of my comments? I tell you it took alot to do it. I have always been a softie at heart, thought maybe I had to do everything they ever wanted but it made me crazy! Much better now, though. Thanks for commenting to me. nana
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