Yesterday would have been my dad's 88th birthday. He died in 1989 from metastatic lung cancer. Mom has dementia & doesn't know who anyone is. She broke her hip in April & her femur in August, yet otherwise healthy as a horse. Our darling daughter died in March from side effects of chemotherapy. Her husband cut off contact with us & won't let us see our grandchildren. My Mom's younger brother, only 78 y/o, died in March as well. Our son threatened us with physical harm via phone messages & texts because we won't give him "his" inheritance. It was so bad I changed all our phone numbers & blocked his phone.
DH is ever so slowly & gently fading into himself. Heartbreaking. I tried placing him in a care facility last week, but I couldn't leave him there. We came home & I was strangely relieved.
My counselor says I have had too much sadness & loss too close together to handle anything more.
So, feeling blue today y'all, just feeling blue ...
I will be praying for you.
Why did your son-in-law but off contact? If you don't mind sharing.
Do you have any social support for you and your husband?
Our son in law is a 50 year old party boy. He is addicted to muscle relaxants & xanax. He takes a few & zones out to Japanese manga cartoons. His party drug of choice is heroin.
He was taking our daughter's opioid pain meds prescribed after her mastectomies & following surgeries. The week after she died, he took enough muscle relaxants & hydrocodone to pass out & become unresponsive. I found him face down & called 911. He was alert enough to refuse treatment, but passed out again right away. The paramedics couldn't take him, but after a look around his room & bathroom: dirty diapers, dirty clothes, cigarettes, half empty baby bottles, food containers, everything trashed they asked what was going on.
I told them the story. They said get all the drugs out of the house even the ones with his prescription. A few days later social services came to the house saying we were reported as a family in crisis. Son in law blames me for calling 911.
We do have lots of support here but sometimes weekends are hard as I don't feel comfortable calling or texting friends then. They have husbands & children & grandchildren & are busy having "normal" lives.
Mine was to make a chocolate bread because I was craving for it. And I made that yesterday. It turned out too airy, more like a cake texture than bread, but good nonetheless. I have some apples on the trees that need picking. I think an apple pie is calling me.
My 82 y.o. Alz mom has gone out with a niece. Thanks goodness we have 2 sitters that can come and take her out and give me breaks.
Your chocolate bread sounds lovely! We have a few apples left as well. Some I will feed my donkey. If there are enough good ones I will make a cake.
So glad you got a break from caregiving. It makes a great difference doesn't it?
Slow day yesterday: watched football, fed the livestock, sat on the porch until it became too hot & humid. DH naps in front of the TV in between going with me to do chores/errands.
Hoping for cooler weather so I can work outside more comfortably. DH attends adult daycare M-F giving me time to get things done inside & out.
Sounds like you are doing well. Have a great day.
I am perpetually exhausted, seldom have a clean house & never wear girly clothes but I can't imagine not having cattle. We had to sell our herd last year when our daughter was first diagnosed with cancer so that we could afford to rent a place for all of us to live while she was being treated.
After she died & we lost access to our grandchildren & we came home, I thought I would lose my mind with grief. I didn't want to live anymore. I DID NOT want to kill myself. I just didn't care what happened to me.
Then I got the chance to manage a small herd of first calf heifers for a friend. They eat my pastures & I keep an eye on their health & get them socialized to people. I jumped on that like a duck on a June bug.
These cows give me something positive on which to focus & a reason to go outside. I take DH with me while I do chores giving him a chance to be outside & engaged.
The cows will go home after the holidays so they can calve there. By then I hope to have enough money saved to buy a few cows for myself.
Never in a million years would I have thought I would raise cattle. I love to garden, cook, knit, quilt, paint & do home improvement projects. I like to work puzzles & build things. The closest I ever got to a cow was my collection of 175 cow figurines: all colors, sizes & materials.
I believe something will find you that you will delight in. If it seems odd or implausible, remember the crazy cow lady & never say never!
Enjoy!
Praise GOD from whom all blessings flow!!!