I’ve been away for weeks and haven’t seen my grandma since I’ve been back. Step mom texting my fiancé the usual “grandma is fading fast” that we’ve been hearing for years, “her tumours are really aggressive, she’s barely eating, barely talking.” Same stuff as always, maybe she’s a little worse every day.
I guess it’s impossible for them to have known if any of the previous times grandma has been poorly were the real end of her life. But they were all false alarms. Now they want us to take this one seriously, so we are going tomorrow.
My my dad is praying that she will be released from her suffering soon. I’ve been wishing that for a long time now. I’m sad that she may die, sort of. But what hurts me more is that she is taking so long to die, given her surroundings and her loss of everything she loved except 2 sons. I think her passing would be a mercy.
I cant understand why God would allow this woman, who never harmed anyone in her life, was a good person, to suffer as she has, imprisoned in this broken wreck of a body. God, if you’re there, call her home for pity’s sake! Or You’re a holy jerk and You don’t care at all and screw you.
ALSO, while I’m ranting: if long life is a product of the wondrous advances of modern medicine, I’d say it’s a blessing and a curse. I like fact that ill people can be restored to productive good health. But I do not at all think chasing after longer lives is an inherent good whatsoever. Nice if you’ve got the health, autonomy, and wealth to live with dignity into your 100s. For me, seeing what I’ve seen and reading on this forum, I hope fervently I have a way out before I get so infirm.
Its bittersweet.
Thankfully her passing was peaceful - God did answer your prayers after all.
I think her 2 sons have a plan for her remains, etc. But I can't be sure, I sort of think its none of my business as I am not an executor. She has always said she wants to be buried in England, although I doubt we'll let that happen - all her family is here. We'd never get to visit her plot. It's ridiculous. She used to say she wanted to be buried "at home, with her family!" But listen, lady, you've been in Canada SINCE 1945 AND ALL YOUR FAMILY ARE HERE... what are we, chopped liver?? It's pretty annoying to hear that constant refrain of home and family being elsewhere and other than us. Anyway. Argh. I've got to go visit her again soon...
I just lost my maternal Grandma on August 28, at age 103 and 10 months, and she was 100% fine until she had a stroke and she survived a week in palliative care and passed peacefully. So, I don't know - i think that's the way to go, if anyone were to ask me. :-)
You make such wonderfully valid points. I don’t think anyone could disagree with any of your remarks.
Hugs!
As to her lingering, I echo AlvaDeer. There is no proof of god.
I'm wondering if she, subconsciously, is fighting death. Has anyone talked to her about if she has anything unsaid, or any task she wanted to fulfill? Is there someone she wished to talk with? Does she have any regrets? My poor mom lingered, but thankfully her dementia caused her to finally forget her son's (my brother) betrayal of "borrowing" from Mom the life insurance benefit after our stepdad passed away and then he never saw her again. For years, she wept over "what did I do?" It was heartbreaking how he broke her heart. Surprisingly, a week before she passed, she brought him up! She and I talked about it at length, to her satisfaction, how it wasn't her fault, but his shortcoming and his loss to hide. I suspect this hidden pain made her linger, then when she finally resolved herself to it, she passed.
Has anyone talked to her, when she's at her most aware, of her funeral and her remains? A will?
Have you all told her you want her out of her pain? That you all will help each other through the loss of her? That it's okay for her to let go? About previously passed family members who will meet her spirit?
It is now up to FAMILY to assist in making the end of life as peaceful as possible, to offer palliative care to Grandma and not prolong her life but keep her comfortable. The medical industry will do exactly what grandma or her family under Power of Attorney tell them to do.
As to God, I am 77 and I have not for a single second of my life, in any foxhole I have been in (and I have seen more than a few) believed in God. So I guess I am missing the gene. No God that I could ever even BEGIN to believe in would assign someone to suffer. If you have noticed, all things suffer, all things thrive. And I guess someone religious would thing that to everything there is a season. I was a nurse all my life. I saw people have to live so long they returned to a fetal position, legs all drawn up and muscles contractured keeping them in that position, fed by tubes when the family demanded it. Almost like the full cycle back to the womb.
I am so sorry for the pain. But it is a part of living. And I hope grandma had a wonderful, long, productive life, with much happiness, and little pain.
Hugs to you. If you are a believer, then pray for her gentle deliverance into the arms of her God, and an end to her suffering.
as it turns out, she’s doing great today. She was sitting up in her wheelchair outside the nursing home with my dad and her caregiver, and she spotted my fiancé and I from 100 yard off and was waving and grinning from ear to ear as we approached. Had a great 30 min visit.
I wonder now, who am I to say her quality of life is or isn’t good?? Maybe she’s happier and more at peace now than when she was more able bodied?
I think I need to stop wishing and hoping and being angry about what I believe is her reality, and just accept the moments for what they are.