I guess I need to vent today, feeling blue.
Mom has been in the nursing home for 3 months. She can barely hear, can see out of one eye, her dementia is bad, she lives in the moment has no memory at all, no interests, she is too weak to walk and she gets just enough nutrition to keep her alive (barely). She sits all day in a wheel chair in front of the nurses station or in a recliner watching people walk by. Taking her to the activity room only satisfies that she is not alone but she has no idea what is going on. She is aware, but doesn't understand much any more. We are watching her slowly turn into someone we wouldn't recognize, skin and bones, disconnected, fragile. Yet her vitals are strong and she stubbornly insists she can go home and take care of herself. It seems she will live like this for a long time, being unhappy, feeling lousy, alone in her own world with no quality of life. One day we think she is so bad off she will not live out the week, the next visit she seems to rally a little and cries and tries to get up when we leave which breaks our heart.
Up until 2 years ago, she was pretty good and fairly independent. But how she is now - this is no life.
I guess no one can say, even the doctor, how long this will go on - her suffering, our suffering for her. Sometimes living long can be more of a curse than a blessing.