She has dementia. There has been a gradual decline but she was living alone at 91 with support from me helping her pay bills, running errands, doing some housework but she was still mowing her own grass then. I don't know it's just that she was so independent just a few short years ago and now bedridden on hospice....just hard to accept.

She had just lost her ability to walk before being hospitalized for a high fever but she could still sit up on the couch. Now she fidgets with her gown when needing to go to bathroom and asks to get up. Just hard to see her like this. I keep thinking I should try to get her out of the bed but know that's not possible. If I take a day off which is kinda rare and go somewhere all I keep thinking about is her laying there and can't get up and I feel guilty for going out. Anyone else feel this way???

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Countrygal55, I know what you are going through. Also an only child, as there is no one to past the baton onto. It felt like it was over-night that my parents [95+] were still walking 2 miles a day come rain or shine. And before I knew it, Mom was in long-term-care, and Dad was selling their house so he could move into senior living.

I remember some time ago, someone said that when our parents get into those upper years, every year is like ten years. Thus, they will age pretty quickly.

As my Dad would say "it's the circle of life".

I am sorry about this, and very sorry that you are having a problem dealing with the inevitable. Unfortunately, we are all born to die, we do not have the power to change this course of life. Be comforted that she has lived a very long time and for the most part has been in good health. I wish you the best!

Thank you so very much for your kind words.

Your Mom is so lucky to have your love, your mourning, your anticipatory grief; she clearly was much loved by you. I know that in your rational mind you know how lucky she was to have a long life of independence and your love and support to the end. She is tired now. There is no upside to this suffering. I hope she has palliative care and comfort care to put her below this anxiety of getting to a bathroom, etc. We can sure a lot of things, but we cannot cure age. We will all die. Few of us will be so lucky to have someone like you caring and loving us to the end. It is very hard to survive the pain and anquish of those we love toward the end. Please discuss with Palliative Care and Hospice how now to make your Mom comfortable for her last time on earth. My heart goes out to you. We should all be so lucky to have your love. There is no way to make any of this easy.

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