Elderly who are homeless in my community. I have questions about one particular woman that I befriended a few years ago.
A few years back I was picking up a couple of things from the dollar store. I met a woman who was attractive and well dressed. We struck up a conversation and she seems to be a lovely person who has fallen on hard times has family issues as well.
She has a car with insurance. She is on Medicare and a supplement. She has a post office box and a cell phone. We exchanged numbers after running into each other a few times and had pleasant conversations.
We speak on the phone. I meet her for coffee occasionally. She is 70 years old. She pays for her expenses with her social security income. She is a caregiver to the elderly for an agency from time to time. Her car is not in the best of shape and will need to be replaced one day.
Here is my dilemma. She absolutely refuses to admit to being homeless. I know for a fact that she lives in her car. I personally have seen her car. It is filled to the brim with all her belongings.
I have seen her sleeping in her car as have many others. The police have chased her out of certain parking lots that she frequents. I have inquired in the community about her circumstances and all have testified to her being homeless.
She washes up in public bathrooms. She is a very pretty woman who keeps herself very neat. You would never suspect that she is homeless.
Whenever people bring up the topic to help her she gets flustered, angry and hurt. I’d like to be able to help her further but not even sure how to help someone who isn’t honest about their life situation. I’m sure she’s embarrassed to be homeless. Breaks my heart to see it.
She has only asked me for money a couple of times and she paid back every cent even though I told her she didn’t have to. She carries herself with pride. She is intelligent and pleasant to be around.
She has started to develop a few health issues. She does make and keep her doctor appointments.
On very cold nights she has spent the night at other people’s homes showing up on their doorstep with interesting excuses and no one wants to upset her by forcing her to admit she is homeless. She will end up cleaning their homes for them even though they tell her that isn’t necessary for her to do. Then she will often stay longer than the couple of nights that she asks to stay.
I have never given her my home address because I am not comfortable with her showing up unannounced and staying more than a couple of nights.
She is estranged from her grown children and grandchildren. Her marriage ended badly. He remarried. She says she didn’t receive alimony or a settlement. She says that her children are close to their dad.
She is always on facebook. She says she is lonely. She goes to different charities for food, churches and the food bank. She does not accept meat or food that she has to cook. She keeps peanut and crackers in her car. She hangs out a lot in 24 hour stores and restaurants.
She loves to read so she loves to go to the bookstores and library.
My questions to you are, how common do you think this is among seniors? Not just homelessness but those who hide it like she does.
Do you know of any way to help someone that won’t open up about not having a home? She has mentioned that she suffers with anxiety. She rarely shows being deeply depressed.
I have introduced her to a couple of my friends. They see her around town and are concerned for her as well.
It’s just so sad. She is always in the back of my mind. Yes, we all care about all of the homeless. It is hard walking or driving past the homeless. I do give money to them. It’s hard with this woman because I got to know her.
Any ideas or thoughts in general? Thanks for feedback.
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These women men would not be good roommate material. So far every older roommate situation I’ve encountered Has quickly blown up. Usually within a couple of weeks.
I’ve collected enough money to keep one in her existing apartment at least for three months. One I’ve found a hotel room through Dec 5th. The third I’ve found money for an airline ticket to her sisters house in Oregon. Will keep on working on raising money for emergency situations. This problem needs addressed. It’s a brick and mortar problem. New construction at all levels is needed. I was told repeatedly to get them a roommate by men. I asked several men did they want a roommate and they said NO. Real life isn’t a sitcom. The Golden Girls was a TV show.
Most people can’t live on retail wages from Walmart or Target. I see their employees at the food bank where I volunteer all the time. It’s all depressing and I don’t have solutions. My health doesn’t allow me to jump in and work like it used to. But I’m still a good fundraiser, so I can do,that.
The woman asked her boss if experience meant anything to the company. Her boss said, “We want new faces. We will train new people.” Isn’t that sad? So now this older woman is driving for Uber.
My daughter said she was so sweet and could tell she was depressed so she gave her a big tip. It’s disturbing to see age discrimination. The woman said she was replaced with a young woman.
Can you arrange for these women to share-rent a 3 bdrm. condo together?
You may know if they would be compatible.
Also, they are of age to collect Social Security, if they are not already.
A timely application can keep their income coming after unemployment runs out. Maybe the Social Security will pay more than their unemployment.
Just a thought.
She told me what she gets from social security check. No way she can pay rent and other expenses.
I know she gets scared. New Orleans has it’s share of crime.
I have given up on trying to help because she won’t admit to being homeless. Everything she owns is packed in her car. Not normal for someone who owns a house.
I know of policemen who chase her out of parking lots where she tries to sleep. It’s just sad.
She doesn’t ever look unkempt. She is always very neat. She dresses nice too. She always has cute bracelets and earrings on. I feel she is too embarrassed to ask for help.
The rent is based on income but that would eat into money she uses for other things so it’s sad.
She has never applied for it. She won’t admit to being homeless and gets mad when someone suggests she is homeless. I don’t bring up the topic with her because I don’t want to upset her. It’s awkward at times.
You may very well be right. She has a pleasant disposition and rarely complains. It’s just sad because she has developed some health issues. I do feel that she is definitely doing the best that she can.
She does say she’s lonely at times. She calls me on the phone every week. I call her sometimes too. She’s active. She has her favorite coffee shops and she likes to look around in neighborhood stores.
What you describe as "homelessness" is called "van life". Yes, I know she lives in a car and not a van, but it's still van life. A lot of people do it by choice. A lot of people do it because they rather live by themselves in their car instead of having roommates. I've known people with perfectly fine jobs that can afford a place to live but have decided to live in their cars instead. So yes, she may indeed need help. But maybe based on the options available to her, she's chosen the option that works best for her.
Watch these videos about van life to get an idea of what it's like. Yes, most of the people that do it are young, but it's not uncommon for elderly people to do it as well.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=van+life
Your friendship with her is already very valuable. It gives her a sense of normalcy and human contact and it keeps the door open for more help if and when she's ready. She knows she's not alone in this world. And that's a big gift you're giving her.
If this well-dressed lady really wanted to be in living in a home, she would have tried harder than couch surfing a few days here and there.
The MAJORITY of chronic homeless people DON'T want to live in a home. In California, some cities have thousands of homeless, and when the government tried to help them get housing, out of several thousand homeless, less than 10 people agreed to accept the help.
My own cousin is almost 50 years old. She's been living in her car for several years now, and she chooses that life style. She has some mental problem that unless she wants to seek help, she won't and can't live in a home. Each time she did, she thought people were spying on her, hiding her things, etc. She then called police to report them. No one could put up with her.
Remember, the road to h-ll is paved with good intentions. She has to want to accept help or else, anything given freely will be discarded freely.
I could try placing something under her windshield I suppose.
Not sure about section 8 housing for her. She won’t drive in certain neighborhoods. We have high crime. She wants to be in safer areas. I just hate seeing people on the street or living in their car.
We can’t move the homeless in with us. Some people do. My grandpa moved a homeless man in his home for awhile. Grandma cooked for him, did his laundry and so forth. It’s complicated.
Maybe, you can help anonymously. You can leave on her car a list of names of low-income apartments around town, and the address and phone number to the office where she can apply for section 8. She probably can use some mental health assistance, too. The Council for Aging may be able to tell you where to go to get such help.
A list with the info above left on her car so that she can find and read on her own and decide if she wants to pursue. She doesn't need to know who left her that.
NHWM - you're such a big hearted caring person. I hope she will accept the help.
It truly is hard to see.
Many women who do finally seek assistance are made to feel inadequate and they quit trying to find help. Women frequently live in cars and hide in plain sight. Many show up in ER’s on cold winter nights, desperate for warmth and a hot meal. Most of them have spent their adult lives living a paycheck away from being totally broke. I live in an area where the winters are brutal. Wind chills off the Great Lakes can be -25. My parish has free dinner three nights a week. If we have approved people to stay with the homeless overnight we run an overnight warming center, provide hot coffee and tea. We’re a small Parrish in a rundown town, hard hit by manufacturing job losses. It’s impossible to financially cover all the needs.