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Can you give more details please. All I can say is some elderly people are very set in their ways. They still feel as if they know best. They are not welcoming of changes in their lives.

Sorry that you are having difficulty with your mom.
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Thank you for your concern. Here goes... she won’t go to Drs.She forgets a lot, she doesn’t want to eat much. She’s on Medicare but we trying to get her on medical because they will pay for assisted living etc. She’s has to much money in the bank to qualify but not enough for long term care if she needs it. We told her she needs to get rid of some of that money.She refuses any help such as driving her to the grocery store, bank etc. She gets mad and says she’s not dead yet. We reported her to the DMV because she got lost driving. She hides her keys. She insists there is nothing wrong.
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Welcome, Lucy!

There are lots of folks with dementia who do not recognize their deficits. They lack insight into the fact that their brains are not functioning the way they used to. There is a medical term for it, anosognosia.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anosognosia

You may simply need to wait her out. She will fall or become seriously ill and need to be hospitalized. When she is there, you talk to the discharge planners about getting her placed.

In the meantime, decide how much you can REASONABLY help. You don't have to give in to her demands. Decide if you will visit once a week or whatever suits you.

If she complains or becomes angry say "Mom, you've made your choices and I've made mine. You can get the help you need in AL. Me, I have to work and take care of my family"
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Wow! She absolutely needs help. Everything you listed is a serious concern, especially the driving. My word! She could hurt others or herself by being behind the wheel.

I agree that she will have to spend down in order to qualify for care in a facility. So many of the elderly are very frugal. My mom is extremely frugal. They don’t want to let go of their money. I understand that but she needs to be prepared for receiving help. Having too much money puts her out of reach for getting care.

I am not sure how you will get her to eat more. Would she allow grocery delivery? She has pride. She is most likely scared underneath it all, so she is in denial. It’s sad. Or it could be that she is truly unaware of the changes that she is experiencing.

Some areas do have doctors that do home visits. Yes, they cost more but I wonder if it would be worth it if she would at least get started on getting a proper diagnosis of what is going on with her.

I hope others will see this post and have suggestions for you. It’s tough coping with a situation like this.

Best wishes to you.
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Lucylou, as a first order of business please disable her car (remove the battery, flatten the tires, siphon out the gas). If you don't know how to do this, engage a neighbor to help in the ruse. But please don't allow her to be a danger to others on the road, as morally that will be your issue since you know she is impaired and are really the only one who can stop her. I understand your hands are very full right now, but please keep her, and everyone else on the roads, safe. Thank you!
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