A result of my 81 year old husband's tongue and tonsil cancer treatment is Dysphagia. On top of that he has kidney disease and has to limit his potassium and protein. On top of that the tongue and tonsil cancer was his third cancer so I am monitoring his PH level. On top of that he has dementia. Recently his weight fell to 150 lbs. Knowing that a hospital of nursing home would not comply with his feeding requirements I took the responsibility of bringing his weight up. In each milkshake I use rice milk for the vehicle, add Visalus and a liquid vitamin called Liquid Vitamin 528 from VitaCost, a duck egg, sweetened condensed milk, and vanilla ice cream. I get blood tests ever three months (and I do tricks to get those) to monitor my success. Technically he could eat applesauce and squash and other non chewable food items, but he refuses almost everything except the milkshakes, and that except is vanilla pudding. I make 4-8 milkshakes a day and make a double recipe of pudding sometimes twice a day. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong with himself. He also wets. He wet two sets of pajamas last night. My one escape from this arena is an every Monday visit to a nursing home to attend a caregiver meeting, and every other person there is caregiver to a person with Alzheimer's, so I have to limit my contributions to that agenda. Sometimes I fell so very isolated. Nobody wants to hear about or attempt to understand my situation.
Again, I'm only able to be this blunt because I don't know you or your husband. But, if your husband was in a nursing facility, wouldn't you be freer to care for him in the ways that only you can? Free from the labor of soiled sheets and loads of laundry, you could fully focus on being with him to share this final transition in his life.
It is better not to force someone to eat when they don't want to, as the above post stated he may not have the appetite because it is painful to eat and/or is body is starting to shut down. People caring for loved ones with Alzheimer's disease will experience some of the same issues you mention - Many Alz. patients will stop eating at some point in their disease. Give him lots of fluids to help with hydration. Are you eligible for care through your states Agency on Aging?
I hate to be so blunt, I apologize in advance, but there we're dealing with a horrible disease and confronting these questions ia a reality is unavoidable.