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She has dominated her childrens' lives with little concern for anyones' feeling but her own. She is now in a wonderful assisted living and her dementia (I think) has illuminated her personality into a person who I can no longer bear to be around. She has again managed to alienate everyone around her with her insults and insensitivity. She is nasty and uncooperative with the aids (who are wonderful) And complains, complains, complains about everyone, everything and blames my sister and myself for the air she breathes. I am sick of her and I don't want to visit her anymore and don't feel that my adult children need to be manipulated like I was and be around her negative attitude anymore. I hate feeling obligated to have her at my house as I have every holiday of our lives and force my children to "tolerate" her for my sake. The guilt is unbearable but I feel that now being 60 years old I would like to feel that this person does not dominate my whole life. I would like to have a happy holiday for a change and have my children WANT to come home (without Grandma always there)
There has never been any pleasing her before and now she sends me into bouts of depression that I have a hard time shaking. Am I alone? I feel like a selfish person but I don't like her now and never did before. The guilt is killing me.

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hugs!!

imagine a life without abusive people around you.
imagine how nice.
lots of time, energy, for you to focus on the right things.

go for life!
for a life without abusive people around you.

i’m not sure these abusive people love us. i think it might not be love. maybe it was convenient sometimes to be nice to us.

hugs and courage!
find freedom. a life without abuse.
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wow, my mom turned into a hateful, critical, condescending and difficult person. Yes she can’t drive after she admitted she couldn’t see well and hit a parked car and totaled hers. She has her own house outside the country next to brothers and sisters but she stays with me for months for health care reasons. She has access to healthcare in her home country. She’s 82 and takes care of my autistic older brother because she has kept him out of community programs because according to her he can’t concentrate or work and she didn’t like the programs that were offered in the late 80s. So she has no close relationships, her friend calls her, and she just watches tv and eats all day. She’s against anything I say. I work at home now because of COVID and my youngest and husband are tired of her yelling at my brother, banging dishes in the kitchen when we eat at the table, leaves messes everywhere. She wants me to offer to meet all her needs because she’s too proud to ask. I communicate and request for her to tell me what she needs. I tell my family not to bother me when I am working and she’ll bust through my door and interrupt me. Tell me to talk to people on the phone for her and I have to remind her I’m working. She has personally attacked me by criticizing what I wear, eat and how I look. Tells me that they way I keep my house is to impress my husband. Then she’ll storm off if I say something about her behavior. She’ll be silent and leave food out and the kitchen is upside down. I hire a house cleaner to help and I said we should have another helper during the week because I can’t because I’m working and she’s can’t because she complains how she can’t. Then she’ll say my brother isn’t a problem and she can make him something to eat when she makes herself breakfast. Usually she’s asleep. She won’t say good morning to anyone and just pout. She’ll slap my 16 y.o. son when he’s on the living room computer and annoy him and he’s asked me if he can take the computer to his room and I finally said yes. Now that she’s in her country, I told her she can’t come back because of COVID but my son says he still needs a break from grandma. My house is now peaceful and We all feel so much better. It’s sad that she is so annoying this has affected us in such a negative way and I love her and I wish she’d be sweet like she used to be. I honestly can’t take care of her. I was a single mom for a long time, I’ve worked full time all the time and I still do and my middle child passed away and I’m just worn out physically and emotionally and I truly don’t want any more stress or negativity in my life.
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I can relate to much of what you feel. I'm new at this and am hoping to see others' answers. We can only control ourselves. Be kind to yourself. Take breaks outside the home. You're doing the best you can. I pray ALOT and realize at the end of the day she is God's.
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DILHagen2, delighted for you and your husband - an excellent example of how to reclaim your life without conpromising on the quality of care the elder is receiving. Your attitude of thankfulness and gratitude for what you have is so much healthier than putting up with stress and enduring bad family behaviour. Enjoy your new found freedom!
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MIL is finally in A.L. The last 7 mo. were horrible, trying to help her out in her home w/ the other siblings who are just like their mother. We put up necessary boundaries for our own peace of mind and it was a constant battle w/ the S.I.Laws who felt they could dictate to us how we would help out and when we would help out.
It’s so true that dementia doesn’t change mean spiritedness, pride, racism, cruelty ,critical heart, over-the-top negativity, bitterness, unforgiveness or anger episodes....it just makes it worse.
My husband, her son, is tired of dealing with her. She’s safe in this beautiful new facility & she has the funds to pay for it. Visiting her is stressful because she’s so negative.
Its been a week since we’ve seen her or spoken to her and neither one of us feels guilty. We are SO thankful that my husband isn’t her POA and can make NO decisions for her. What an unusual gift. She always loved her daughters more than her sons and that has been painfully obvious, so now, they can worry about her.
My husband and I intend to go on living the wonderful life God gave us and we will be THANKFUL and GRATEFUL every day for little things and the big things and we refuse to get sucked in to the negativity of his pitiful mother. We don’t “have” to visit her. We don’t “have” to call her. If we do, it’s because we decide, not her and not her guilt trips. Our calls and visits make no difference anyway, so why tear our own health down wringing our hands over current unhappiness? She was miserable in her home with caregivers and now she’s miserable in her new adorable A.L. apartment.
Adults live the way they want to. Any adult can decide to change course, forgive, learn to treat family with respect and heal from their own childhood wounding,let go of perceived offenses and bitterness, but MOST choose not to.

So how do YOU want to live from here on out dear one? What are YOU willing to do to heal from childhood wounding by a narcissist parent? What are YOU willing to do to go forward with this beautiful life that God gave you to live? Go and do that, because life is VERY short. Find your peace in 2021.
God bless.
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Great insight, Britney. I also think that there are certain traits that have developed in the children of narcissistic parents that can make them targets for bullying and other bad behaviour when they reach adulthood. I can think of a few jobs I had where I felt singled out for a hard time at work, and think it was probably because I didn't have the necessary emotional tools to set boundaries. I do remember one occasion though when I really thought enough was enough, I resigned and never looked back. I felt so empowered and it also turned out to be the best career move I ever made. Maybe there is a lesson here for us all in our current difficult caregiving situations?
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These types of personality traits are all 'narcissistic' elderly mothers who always put down their daughters are never going to apologize to them, because these types of mothers are 'bullies'. They wish to condemn anything positive or happy for their child. When a child is in their formative years and developing into adulthood they need reassurance, compassion, praise, confidence building, empathy from their parent to ground them. If these areas of parenting are neglected and 'neglect' in love, emotional quotient, and emotional support, are missing then that child will become 'self-loathing', withdrawn, isolated, find big difficulties making new friendships, or even keeping any friend at all because they keep 'putting themselves down' and are talking negative language day in day out. The parent who is always condemning their child to negativity, bullying and comparing their child to others who are well off, happy with partners, have children and have everything in life, and then compare that child on a 'social comparison scale' then that parent should not ever have had any right to bear children in my firm opinion. I see very positive family dynamics around me and I see many families with opposite, parents who should never have been parents in the first place.
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sounds abusive
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Michele, it's important that you've set boundaries with your mother about what is and isn't acceptable. I know it's tough, but you don't have to accept that kind of abuse - from anyone, including your mother. You mentioned writing her a letter but are worried it might sound all wrong. Why not write it anyway, just to get your thoughts out and on paper instead of them churning through your head all the time? You don't have to send the letter at all, but it might be good for you to just get your thoughts and grievances out. When I started therapy, this was one of the earliest suggestions given to me. I wrote "letters" to my mother and stepmother as part of a journal I was encouraged to keep, to help when I was feeling very low. I didn't send them as that wasn't their purpose, but I did feel they helped to lift the emotional burden. You could also try to exercise "compassionate detachment", towards your mother, where you care about the wellbeing of someone, but you do this from a distance and so avoid being a target for their abuse. It sounds like you're probably doing this anyway. Send cards, a Christmas present, whatever, as part of this approach, but tell yourself not to expect anything in return and then you won't be upset or disappointed. Just go through the motions. If you've suffered a lifetime of abuse, you won't change things overnight, but you're more likely to succeed if you take small steps forward. Hope this helps, and stay strong!
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Thank you, ChrisCat83. I'm finding it tough not communicating with my mother, but I know that unless she realises that what she's been saying to me is wrong, and is prepared to work on that, I can't do it.
She's said some horrendous things- once for instance that she wished my father would 'just die'- when he was ill. She'd also concealed how ill he was and put me off visiting. In the end I just went there, went to his GP the next morning when I'd fed him (he was hungry and had a urinary tract infection so could not eat as was shaking so much), and they called ambulance. He was in hospital about 3 weeks. I was kind of stunned by what she'd 'not done', but I blocked it out but now it's all hitting me, things she's said. It's like all the pushed down pain of all those comments over the years is coming up now. Combined with realisation that the way my mother has any love for me- if she does- is a kind of weird controlling, sabotaging, jealous love, that I don't feel as love, at all.
I sent her a Christmas card last week- it was a simple message- I hope you find peace and joy this Christmas (printed) - then underneath - I wrote - please try to find time in 2021 to take care of your health'. and, Love, Michele xx
I have had no response or reply. I try to think of a letter I would write to explain how I feel about what has gone wrong, reminding her of things she has said, and explaining why they are not good things to say, but it would just read like a diatribe. My friend described it as a 'stand-off', and I think in the end she will contact me- when she wants something. In the meantime she will find contacts through her elder group to take out whatever it is, on.
She has said in the past 'oh, I fell out with xxx', or 'I haven't seen xxx for a while' or 'I won't be texting xxx any more'. A few times, these friends have come and gone and come back again.
So, I've realised that it's not just me probably, experiencing these behaviours. But because of lockdown and pandemic etc., her outlets for taking a pop at others to make herself feel better have not been there. So, maybe she has burned all her bridges and so upped the ante on me. When is she going to realise that it is her, and not everyone else? I think that without me around to be the outlet onto, she's going to have to think about her behaviour. Without realising it, I've been reinforcing it- by putting up with stuff, just going quiet, not reacting.
I sent my contact details as next of kin to her doctors. I expressed concerns about the drinking and what looks to me like weight loss. The practice nurse called me a few days later and said they had called my mother, and she'd been 'polite but asked who I was and refused to speak to me at first then said she was absolutely fine, etc'. Doesn't sound that polite to me. Anyway the nurse also said, the next day she called back the surgery and apologised for how she spoke to the nurse. That looked promising, as it showed she remembered and reflected on how she spoke to someone. Shame she cannot show the same consideration towards me. Who knows how it will go. I'll stick to my position for now. Until I have talked it through with counsellor, I don't think I should get involved with her. Some very scary anxious feelings about not being in touch with my mum- but if I do get in touch all I'll get is 'I knew you'd be back when you got over that menopausal mood'... or similar.. because to her, everyone else is the one with the problem.
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Lefty,

Love your ‘Sweden’ comment! Cute!
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The amount of people who relate to this post is wild. My mom is 88, ferociously independent, suffering hearing loss and sporadic dementia, and is so narcissistic and nasty these days that two of her four kids have walked away from helping her. (I'm one of the ones who left) Unfortunately, Mom is only temporarily kind- to strangers. While we kids (in our 50's and 60's) aren't perfect, we have given her an extraordinary life and care for 40 years. One sibling handles medical, one residential, one finances and one is "Sweden" who allows her to talk and complain.
It's sad that she's chewing on us, as we were all raised in a way that we want to help her. When we are on site helping her, she calls us wardens, refers to us a Hitler, says we want things our way and that we're "cold". She is completely disagreeable with us. She lies to the doctors, and tells friend and relatives how cruel we are. It gets us all very upset. It would be so nice if she were sweet and we could enjoy her, but we can't and it's not going to change. My concern is that two of us let is get so far that we had chest pains after dealing with her. I walked away this summer to save myself and now my sister has followed suit. Our brothers don't live near Mom so things are going to come crashing down for her. We agreed to have one last sibling conference call, tonight, to see if anyone has any remaining ideas on what we should/could do especially during COVID. My brother heard about the call and said, there is nothing left to do.
I understand him. We had her in a gorgeous and fun assisted living previously, and she moved herself out, we know she's nasty to in home nursing caretakers, so I hope one of us come up with something. My thought is hire a maid, and send her groceries on line. I can't believe we are at this stage. We're starting to chose self preservation over taking care of Mom. But, here we are. Best of luck to all of us, right?
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Michele, what can I say? Well, you're not alone, there are many here with similar experiences, and we do try to support each other. I don't know why some people are so hateful, and it is even harder to understand when it is a parent. Your mother sounds very judgemental about so many things. I too judge people, but on their general behaviour, not on the colour of their skin, their race or their religion. You've done the right thing to try and set out some boundaries and to walk away for a while. Try not to waste your energy on agonizing over your mother's behaviour. She may never change, especially as it sounds like she has been like this all of your life. You need to spend time with people who value you, not with people who bring you down. Wishing you all the best, you are among friends here.
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I was feeling very alone in this but this thread has helped me see that this is so common. I see many common denominators: unpleasant comments towards others (in public, racist, disability-ist, mostly), and towards me. The latest thing is to pick on my father's Jewish heritage and last time I saw her I was called 'Jewish Nazi woman'. I have done a lot of household tasks for her, things like fitting security features (she's convinced here neighbours are getting in and moving things etc), occasional small repairs, but I'm a small woman not a tradesperson- and her refusal to consider moving to a more manageable property- something I long ago gave up suggesting- is not my fault.
Her latest calls after I set up the internet for her- which she wanted- were in the usual aggressive, drunk at midday tone, and after I answered all her questions calmly, went to 'you're really unhelpful' and when I protested, 'two husbands can't be wrong' and 'this is why they say you shouldn't have children', both followed by her hanging up. Then a text message saying I need therapy for my moods and temper outbursts, as I'm going through the menopause. To her, me reacting to an insult or personal comment with 'that's really nasty and not fair' is a 'temper tantrum'. She can say what she likes; I must not complain. This was at a time when she knew I had some important work facetime meetings on that I had to be able to perform well in. Sabotage.
There's been a string of incidents like this over several years. She has started lying about my father's heritage and told people I am half Italian. we saw some people in a park and she said I had to go along with this! The comments about 'you're going through the menopause', apart from being not true yet, not the least supportive, designed to undermine and intrusive, have been frequent. She has a real problem with the fact I still have periods. Other incidents and some more serious, vicious aggressive shouting at me, etc. Often when she drinks alcohol (which is all the time).
2 months ago I replied to that text. I said I would not respond to any more of her personal comments, insults etc. I told her some home truths about how unpleasant she has been to me, reminded her of some of the things she said about my father, and told her she was a toxic influence on my life and I don't want to hear from her anymore.
Like many on here, I think she most probably has an undiagnosed mental health condition. When I was younger (like, 6 or 7) she told me several times about how she 'put her head in the gas oven due to post-natal depression' and was always keen to explain to me how she gave up a glittering career (it really wasn't all that) in order to have me. She was back to work at 8 and I was out of her hair by time I was 19, so there was plenty of time for her to recover the ruined life I evidently caused.
However like many narcissistic and downright vindictive, jealous mothers we have been talking about on here, she has had her occasional moments of being a nice mother. They are generally spoilt with a catty comment pretty quickly, but, she can behave when she has to (for instance if I meet her in public, which works OK). So right now 2 months later I still miss her, I still feel guilty, however, I know that unless she comes to me and apologises, and changes her behaviour, I will not go back. I know what this was all leading to. Bullying and manipulating me into moving in and looking after her and her ridiculously unmaintained and over-large house, which she could if she wanted to but is too paranoid to let anyone work on it. The sad thing is, if she had been nicer I would have moved nearer (not in). I am feeling very upset and remembering all the things she has said, and it is hard realising your own mother just doesn't love you and regretted even being married and having you. I have some counselling arranged for soon though and look forward to processing all this, which I constantly am, and feeling better.
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TreadingWater, sometimes the best thing we can do for toxic people is to just leave them alone. I'm trying to reconcile with my toxic father but the time will come when trying this negativity affects my own family. At that point I'm gonna drop him off at a decent nursing home and wish him the best. I think this would be better than inviting his poisen into my home. I can only try so much before it does us more harm than good. Also, I'd be enabling him otherwise. I'll tack a final letter to him, expressing why he is in the place of assisted living.He'll either get more bitter or come around. How's it go? You reap what you sow.
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NCognito, I’m sorry to read of your damaging experience with your mother. As one who has suffered similarly, I think you have done the right thing in walking away, to preserve your own health and sanity. The “facade” of your mother’s wonderfulness, as you describe it, can make you, the sufferer, feel you are in a nightmare situation, where only you can see what’s really going on, and everyone else seems blind to it. This is hugely damaging psychologically, and then to effectively be told by your mother that she wishes you had never existed just adds to the misery. I think it’s important for you to have some friends who don’t know your mother, who therefore can’t be influenced by her lies about you, and who accept you for who you really are. I know from personal experience that you can spend many, many years wondering why things are as they are and whether you can make things better by trying to please and appease your mother. It’s a pointless exercise and is part of the cycle of abuse. It can also dominate your life through the amount of time it takes up, time which could be better spent forming healthier relationships with others. The only way to break that cycle is to walk away rather than unwittingly joining in with it by being your mother’s target. I wish you strength to get through this, and future happiness by freeing yourself to live a life without abuse.
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Understand 100%. Have the mother from hell, the mommy not so dearest who others think is wonderful while she decimates her own blood. She has always been nasty, phony and ugly. She complains about everything yet when help is offered unleashes her anger and ugliness on the person trying to help her. Have had it. Sometimes I think we have to admit there are obituaries we don't mind reading...or won't mind reading. Tipping point for me was when she hit her wonderful dog who was suffering congestive heart failure. You hit a dog...you're a low life oxygen thief. She recently ONCE AGAIN dispersed her verbal abuse on me and I'm done with her. For all the times she told me as a child "I wish I'd never seen your goddamn face"....well I quite frankly have the reciprocal thought when it comes to her. Hopefully with time, my anger will lessen. For now, I don't want anything to do with her. ...and she is not demented...this is how she's always been and apparently always will be. People outside the family think she's wonderful...her facade is working.
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Haven't really followed this post--hits too close to home--but it has helped me the last 3 weeks since my DH FINALLY stood up to his mother and put his foot down.

I 'divorced her' 10 months ago and have not seen her and will not. Going to see her w/o me as a buffer became too hard for DH.

She began spending all their 'visits' haranguing him about how much she hates me and how I have literally ruined her life. She says she has not slept a single night since he brought me into the family. (46 years is a LONG time to go without sleeping). She said I have been the source of the 'most miserable life ever lived' according to her doctor...hers.

DH finally HEARD and SAW what I have been dealing with for all these years. Had an 'aha' moment and blew his stack at her. I guess it got really, really ugly. Dh came home and said he was done with her.

I feel really sorry for him, as he begins to navigate the waters he's finally accepted he's drowning in.

I did print out some articles that have been shared on this board and he has read a couple. Finally waking up at age 68 to the knowledge that your mother truly hates you and blames you for everything that ever went wrong----it's hard.

I would like to be able to blame dementia or Alz but she's just more 'the same' as she has ever been.

Who is the loser in this? His mother, whom I planned to come to love and make an integral part of our family. She didn't want and she lost out. My kids and grandkids are SPECTACULAR!!!
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No. You are not alone. Your mother having dementia now does not change how she was to you before she had it. The dementia only makes her already nasty, narcissistic personality worse. Do you feel obligated to have the holidays ruined by her for you and your kids? You know that will be what happens. Don't even go and see her anymore if she has such an effect on you. And most importantly of all, don't feel guilty about it. You're not doing anything wrong to stay far away from her and not keep her in your life. From what you're saying, she deserves to be alone. So many times elderly people when they're sick or feeble think that the sickness and frailty excuses decades of being a selfish a**hole.
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WOW! There really area others in similar situations! I am in hell. My sister and my Mom are in an extremely unhealthy situation and I just can't help. And I have such guilt. My sister moved in with Mom after Mom asked her to take her out of the Independent Living that I helped her move in to. So they've been living together for two years . During this time the police have been called, my sister comes and goes and my Mom is not always supervised. My Mom calls me almost daily crying how she wants my sister out. But, when my sister says she's leaving my mom begs her to stay. I have tried to intervene but everything I do gets undone. None of the neighbors want to be involved anymore and a lot of agencies are refusing to deal with them because they change things all the time. There is enough money for whatever help is needed so that is not the issue. I just called a lawyer and I have a consultation tomorrow - starts at $550 per hour.....
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Nasty and selfish mothers forces us into a real space of growing. My mother is exactly like yours and I do feel that she may do this because she is angry at being old and unhealthy and wants to make others miserable too. However, our growth is to try not to complain about our mother to our children so that they can take care of us when we get older and to teach them tolerance with her. They are not with her all the time so they can tolerate her and still give to her and understand her even in her nastiness.
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I had to look back and see if I had written this post. I am in these exact same shoes (all details the very same) I am so sorry. I feel for what you have been through.
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I completely emphasize! you have to care for yourself and your family.

I’m in a similar situation. At home care fir dad, but my mother is alienating all the caregivers to the point that we have exhausted our agencies roster of aides.
I cannot afford to give up working. She is grieving, I get it, however she just manages to not make it easy on our trying to provide care- she expects these girls to do everything beyond their abilities. She treats them like maids, servants, etc. she insults them, yells at them and criticizes them.
ive offered to put our father in a home but she refuses. He is no longer able to cared fir at home. It’s such a conundrum! What to do.
be well friend!
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My dad became ill and it was too much for my mom to handle but refused to put him in a facility. I moved 800+ miles to help her take care of him - splitting myself between my family and my parents. This went on for over 5 yrs and when my dad passed I told mom she had to decide if she wanted to stay where she was or move back with me. She chose to move but wanted her own place. Luckily found a house with a couple miles from my home and got her settled. After a couple years I began to worry about her being alone, I was working full time, taking care of her, and also helping my daughter with a newborn, among my daily duties. My husband and I decided to move into a home that could accommodate her living with us a year and a half ago. We gave her her own area (tv room) along with her own bedroom and bath. My mom hated losing her independence and lets me know daily - she has never actually been a happy person her whole life, complains about everything, and just makes life miserable for everyone that is around her. She never expresses her love or appreciation. She is always complaining about needing to live by herself - but her health and finances do not allow that. I tell everyone that she is a 91yr old thinking that she is in her 40's!!! She does not have a nice thing to say to anyone about anything. I know now that dad truly loved her because I look back now and see first hand how mean she truly was and still is. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom but I find myself getting frustrated with her because I have to repeat and yell so much for her to understand. When she misplaces things she blames everyone else for taking, she doesn't believe she is losing her hearing, we purposely are whispering, blames me for not knowing how to cook because she has a hard time chewing, just seems like I cannot do anything right. I have a brother who is married and calls once a month if we are lucky, and a sister who is widowed but has a life of her own that calls once a week and will listen to me vent, claims she wishes she could help - but doesn't. Both have more money than I do to make the trips - but blames it on Covid - but yet they are traveling to go see their kids and family which mom realizes and voices to me. I try everything to make her life easier but it just seems impossible! I promised my dad on his death bed that I would take care of mom - and I will - I just wish she was a little bit easy on me. She is afraid of being alone - I have explained to her that we have a security system and she never has to worry about answering the doorbell because I can answer on my phone if I am gone. I just need a break but have no clue how to do that. She does not like people - has been a loner all her life - never had any friends and is afraid of letting anyone see her. There are days I feel that I am at the end of my rope. If there is anyone out there that can relate - please would love your insight. I refuse to put her in a facility, I am all she has, I just wish she appreciated me more. I know in my heart that down deep she appreciates everything that I do for her - just wish she would refrain from criticism and complaining so much. Did I mention that she just had colon cancer surgery back in Oct 2019 - no chemo - and that she doesn't take any meds!!!!! Sometimes I feel like she will out live me - and that is what worries her too! I need ways to stay calm when she frustrates me.................................... that's all folks.....for now anyway!
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She’s crazy. You are not. Hold your head high that you put up with her this long. You have gone above and beyond. The God Lord knows your work and your true heart.
no! You are not the only one!
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Having a narcissistic parent is torture. They have a mental defect, and the only way for them to be happy is to destroy you. I know she loves you, as she is your mom; however, the damage they do is true damage. My father sounds just like your mom. He is cruel beyond belief, and he is a bully of epic proportions. We have ALWAYS taken care of him — my sister and I — but I am alone, now. My sister took her life 7 years ago. Her last words to me were profound. It’s ironic that narcissists have to “destroy their children.” I will never truly forgive my father for the chaos and cruelty he brought to our family. He is sick. Your mother is sick. Do what you can, so that you do not experience more trauma. PTSD is terrible. Keep your distance from her. Did n’t feel guilty. They have a choice, to a degree, and they choose not to change their behavior. Free yourself.
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fl1818, please don’t feel guilty. Your mother’s behaviour is not your fault. You don’t have to tolerate her abuse. Try to focus on your own happiness rather than trying to please someone who might not have the capacity to be happy and who might instead just make everyone around her miserable. Her anger might be linked to losing her husband, and if so, there will be help available for this, if she wishes to take it. If not, she doesn’t have the right to ruin other people’s lives. I hope you and your brother and sister can support each other emotionally to help you live with the situation in a way that minimises the impact on your own health and well-being.
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my mom is getting so bad. I am alone w my one brother and one sister abandoning her. I don't blame them. I was the youngest by 5 years. She is so mean. She lives alone and I feel so guilty every day. My dad was amazing and stood by her. He died 5 years ago and Im left alone to deal w her hatred and anger. She is fighting w everyone
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wow, you are me now. Wish I could contact you
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Hey, new plan for Thanksgiving: don't include your mother. Invite your kids. Then, stop agonizing over the decision.
If you really want to appease your guilt, go have dinner with her at the AL facility on a different day. You are 60 years old, time to grow up and ENJOY your holidays. Good luck.
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