My mom has been a miserable, nasty, and hateful person all her life. As a mother she has dominated every aspect of her children's life.

JustAGuy1982, I hope things get better for you. She’s only 67, a year younger than me. You can be at this for a very long time.

Try to figure out what you need to do to get some distance from her. You matter too.

LaraMara77,

I doubt if you can legally force your mom to get on a plane.

You desperately need to see an elder law attorney in your state. It has helped me so much. See some of my old posts.

Hugs to you.

Please don't take this post down. A lot of us need to see the experiences of others who have moms that are so terribly difficult.

It helps to see I'm not alone in wishing her life would end and that helps me have a little less guilt about that wish.

I wouldn’t be concerned about this post going anywhere. It’s been around for years and years! 😊

@JustAGuy1982


Your mother behaves as she does because the people she behaves this way to have always allowed it.

Don't make yourself a prisoner to your parents care needs. You have a right to have a life and to be treated with basic human respect and dignity. Also, no one can be put on a guilt trip unless they are willing to make the voyage.

The next time your mother gets 'mouthy' or abusive with you, look her square in the face and tell her to go f*** herself and give it right back to her. She sounds like a bully and you should treat her like one. I'm sure she'll fold like a cheap suit the second someone stands up to her.

Let me tell you something. No one has to automatically respect their parents or tolerate abusive behavior because they are our parents.

Anything beyond basic human respect is EARNED not guaranteed. If your mother wants to be treated with respect by you she can start treating you with respect.
If she doesn't, then cut her out of your life. Go totally 'Gray Rock' with her. You don't have to have a relationship with a person like her. No one does.

You'd be doing yourself a favor by moving away. You can still have a relationship with your father.

Justaguy,

I feel your pain and I am sorry that you are going through hell with your mom.

Walk away from her when she starts her foolishness. Don’t be her audience in her dramatic performances. Let her become a solo act in an empty theatre.

Smile on your way out! I have done this successfully with people that I don’t wish to be around. It’s extremely gratifying!

I have absolutely no desire to argue with a stupid person. Ignorance can be overcome. Stupidity is another story.

My grandmother was an angel from heaven. My husband’s grandmother was pure evil who tried to be a dictator to everyone in her life. People like this know who to latch onto. They target vulnerable people.

Ha! She succeeded with her husband. My husband’s grandfather was a sweetheart, devoted to his wife and refused to get a divorce due to being a devout Catholic.

Everyone told him to leave her but he couldn’t find the courage to leave. Divorce was very much frowned upon at that time. Sadly, the man never retired from his job because he didn’t want to be alone with her.

When he got cancer, the first words out of her mouth were, “What about me?” She didn’t give a rat’s a** about her husband or anyone else. Her husband left her with a mansion uptown and tons of money but nothing was ever enough for her.

Unfortunately, he died a broken man.

She died completely alone in the hospital where she continued to spew hate towards everyone. She wrote hate mail to all of us before she died. It’s sad and rather pathetic to see people living in so much misery.

She told me before I married my husband that she EXPECTED me to be at her house every Sunday for dinner! I said to her, “That is NOT happening!” and I walked away.

She lied and told everyone that her only daughter, my sweet mother in law was “faking” her cancer! I honestly don’t know how my mother in law survived her childhood with that woman!

Plan your escape as soon as possible. Then one day, all of this heartache will be nothing more than a distant memory.

You do not have to live in pain forever, nor do you have to have vengeance in your heart. You can simply live in peace.

Don’t ever allow anyone to hurt you or own a piece of your heart and soul after you leave them. Freedom is a beautiful thing.

Wishing you the very best in life!

This post should have been closed since it’s from 2011

I’m sorry all of this is happening (happened). Her past behavior is part of her current behavior. You don’t deserve this. and after realizing the date of this post, I’m thinking she may be has passed away.

I wouldn’t waste any energy not liking her. And definitely don’t spend any energy feeling guilty. I wouldn’t be able to stand her either. I would treat her well and then turn around and put her right out of my mind. We do not want to spend her energy overthinking their behavior. It is such a waste of time.

I would have minimal visits. Making sure she’s cared for. And as comfortable as possible. And hopefully by now you’re done with all of that.

I’ve worked for a woman that behaves very similar. We are now going on the eighth year. She has been negative and depressed all of her life, and as she has become aleven older with some dementia, it is even worse. She drank forever and now being in an assisted living, she cannot drink. So then we deal with being a dry drunk plus the negative behavior plus the dementia. She is very hateful towards others and mumbles a lot of nasty things under her breath. Everything is a negative. Everything is hateful. She is definitely what I call toxic.

I am encouraged by many others to take care of myself do what I can for her and then put her out of my mind and take care of myself.

I’m sorry this is your mom that behaves (behaved) this way I can’t even imagine if this woman were my mom. I always think I’ll do my best job and thank goodness I receive a paycheck.

Take good care