Early stage Alzheimer’s problems, any advice?

I don't think you should minimize your own issues because others may have 'worse' issues! We all have the right to vent and to ask for help, and all of our problems warrant frustration, especially where dementia & Alzheimer's is concerned.

I don't know how you can build up your patience level, to be honest......if I did, I'd be building my own up b/c I hear the irritation in my voice when dealing with my mother who suffers from dementia. She's gotten to the point where she invents stories and then insists she's right about them which drives me nuts and I know it shouldn't. But hey, we're all human too, right?

Have you gotten the book The 36 Hour Day? It's like an encyclopedia type reference book that has a TON of useful tips and information for the caregiver to a dementia/ALZ patient. Also watch a few Teepa Snow videos; she's wonderful and funny too, which is always helpful when we're frustrated and feeling overly serious about ourselves.

Don't forget Post It notes too..........they come in very handy when trying to spur DHs memory about the grandkids' names & things like that. I think it's easier for you to use a Post It note to spur his memory than trying to 'get him to remember', you know? Writing things down for him that he can refer to to spur his memory should be a helpful tool, especially a daily calendar type of tool he can scan at a glance.

Also, set up an area in the kitchen where he can drop off his stuff; things like keys and wallet, etc, in the same bin each time, where he can easily access them.

As far as picking you up from appointments, I don't think you should rely on him to remember such things anymore. You'd need to call to remind him while he's still able to drive, to ensure he'll show up. My DH has such a bad memory I can't rely on him to even drop something off at the post office for me, honestly. There are things I just know I have to do for myself, or else call him the minute he leaves the house to remind him of what he needs to do; send him off with a list, etc.

Remember to take a few deep breaths when you feel the irritation surging up and tell DH you love him. When my mother aggravates the snot out of me I'll say out loud "I love you mom but you can go jump off a bridge." For some reason, just saying that *where nobody can hear me* makes me feel better.

Good luck!

Building patience - not sure I know how to do that either - I was too often short with my father - he never liked to be disagreed with during a discussion - Pre AD. And AD did make him even more stubborn and I tended to be task oriented and didn't always consider his wants and needs - I saw a task involving dad that needed to be done.

I think more patience for you will come once you internalize that your husband has AD and becomes more and more forgetful and loses his ability to reason. Because your husband is in the early stages of AD and can have conversations and has some reasoning ability - you may emotionally forget about his disease .

Practice breathing when you want to snap. While journeying down this road find humor whenever and wherever you can; it will help reduce the stress that adds to to the tendency to snap.

I pray you and your husband find peace, grace and love.

"Lord, grant me patience, but grant it now." --St. Augustine.

Trying to get him to remember is an exercise in futility. He doesn't remember, and prodding him to recall his g'kids names or remembering where he left his wallet, might seem to him that you're “testing” him. Not knowing the right answer, or not being able to retrace his steps can cause him embarrassment or anxiety. Remove the word “remember” from your vocabulary when talking to him. Bring his current symptoms to his doctors attention at his next appointment.

Too much patience, when caring for a LO with dementia, can come at a price to you, the caregiver. We as spouses, want to care for our LO as long as possible, but because we've never encountered such a challenge, we tend to go beyond our capacity to provide proper care. We subject ourselves to caring beyond our limits of good caring. I agree, you still need patience to cope with his current behavior, but as you know, it'll get harder for you to retain your composure, and maintain your good physical and mental health. So have a plan when you will bring in outside help ( maybe now?) to give you some respite. Set yourself a boundary when you would consider looking for a care facility for him. Also, begin to educate yourself about AD. The 36 Hour Day, Learning to Speak Alzheimer's, and Surviving Alzheimer's are all excellent books that will give you some insight about caring for your husband. Search “dementia” on YouTube.

You imply that he is still driving. He no longer has the ability to safely drive. Driving takes awareness, ability to understand street signs, quick response time, judgment, etc. His reduced driving skills can result in an accident, or his getting lost far from home. His AD precludes him from driving any more.

We who have been down this road, offer you our empathy, best wishes and prayers.

My husband is 7 years in has not driven a car for 5 years (definitely not safe) I have been caring for him for the last 7 years with no help. You need to hire a Elder attorney and get all your ducks in a row. Because at this time I am unable mentally and physically able to care for him on my own. I have had to child lock everything the fridge, cupboards, oven , stove , sliding doors etc. because now he acts like a two year old child but he is 6 ft so can reach everything. I can not take my eye off him for one minute , plus he refuses to shower or change his cloths. It's only unfortunately only going to get worse. I have become a broken person, I am so depressed I just have no energy and want to sleep all day. Plus he become combative we are working on his medications to control this but so far nothing is working. Hang in there but definitely get power of attorney

He's still driving?????????

Please don't try to change him or "teach" him things. Resign yourself to the fact that you'll have to do things for yourself (like get yourself to and from the doctor), you'll not be able to depend on him to do it. This is hard for people to do, but he may have to stop driving. My mother, when she had early stage dementia, forgot how to get to places, forgot where she was supposed to go and forgot where she parked the car. Oddly, she was still a good driver! She could do it if my father was in the car with her to tell her where to turn and where to go. Accept your husband as he is. Make sure all of your paperwork is in order for you to become POA, if needed. Do this while he can still sign his name. You both should have living wills with your medical directives, a will, power of attorney documents, your bank and other financial institutions may have their own POA forms, and social security and medicare need to have your name on file as someone who can speak on his behalf. This is a difficult discussion, and you should also think of it for yourself, but you'll need to discuss with him what he would like to happen if he becomes unable to care for himself. The basic options are in-home care and moving to assisted living. This may depend on your financial situation, and it also depends on how much you will be able to do yourself. Get connected with caregiving groups in your neighborhood and you can also consult a social worker who can explain your options. You would benefit from learning more about Alzheimer's/dementia so that you know what to expect and can better handle it.

Run, don't walk to the bookstore and get the book, "The End of Alzheimer's" by Dale Bredesen. In it, he outlines easy steps you can take to help reduce the onset of Alzheimer's. Simple changes may work wonders for your husband - and for you.

Time to segue into "this will not change" mode rather than trying to "return him to normal" mode. It probably is time to do the driving and hold onto the car keys.. and other important things. It is also time not to expect him to remember anything on the calendar. He is living in the moment. I really like the movie "50 First Dates," a sweet comedy about man wooing a woman cognitive issues. Watch it and it may help you understand better how to cope.

I send my MIL small photo albums with pictures of the family - all labeled with names and relationships to her. She really enjoys them; your husband might as well.

Since your husband has early Alzheimer's disease, has he been evaluated for medications. There are a few medications that help with memory retention in the early stages.

I went through all this with my mom. She is now in stage 4-5 so needs more care but here are some practical tips to maintain independence. Know that it will only get harder but you will get stronger :)

here are some practical tips:

1) notice his favorite hiding places. He will use them frequently

2) Learn how to use a Google home or even a cell phone for reminders. I set up multiple daily recurring reminders for my mom to take medication, to start getting ready for going out, etc… if you still feel comfortable with him driving than set up the GPS on his phone. I had programmed Siri to start the cell phone GPS to give direction to our home when she pressed the home button and said “take me home”. I did take her keys away after a few scary incidents. Driving is one that caregivers sometimes allow for longer than we should because we don’t want to admit to ourselves that this is happening.

3) get a white board and write down the daily schedule every morning in big clear writing. Include fun things like the Menu for lunch or dinner or if it’s your grand child’s birthday etc. This will give him a sense of control and limit him asking you or forgetting. routine is so important in early stages so that as the disease progresses they have something to lean on.

4) keep his closet and personal areas decluttered. I took 70% of moms clothes and stuff out of her room to reduce confusion and limit opportunities to hide stuff (she would hide bills and jewellery in her drawers). Let’s face it. As the disease progresses he won’t need much stuff so start decluttering now.

5) use a pill box with Morning/noon/evening and re-fill every night for the next day. I had left the full prescription with mom and then realized she was using 30 pills of her Synthroid in less than 15 days. She would take her pill in the morning, brush teeth and then take another!! Make sure you don’t leave medication for more than 1 day in his control.

good luck. With support and realistic expectations of yourself you will get through this.

it's only going to get worse and eventually he's going to try to wander out in the middle of the night. They wander and get lost. You need a door alarm. Once they start wandering they go into the advanced stages. and it gets MUCH worse after that.

If he still drives you need to hide his keys. So many people with alzheimer's drive and get lost -- they can even drive across the country and clueless what they are doing. Contact the driver's license bureau and get his license removed replaced with an identification card (while he is still able to walk). He is NOT safe driving. He may end up killing someone like a child.

You have not seen anything yet. Consider these the good old days.

Kathleen your husband should not be driving at all. Not only is it not safe for both of you but others on the road as well as him alone. Please consult his doctor or neurologist and not wait until something bad happens. This is a brain disease and does not get better and their forgetfulness will get worse. Please educate yourself to help you and him. And continue to read these posts as they have been very helpful for me and ultimately him. You can help him by educating yourself if this disease that robs you of your normal brain function. The more prepared you are the better for both of you. But please take away his driving. It is done out of love and their safety. Their condition can go from early stage to progressive one overnight. Every person is different and you cannot judge by another so be proactive.

Pray for more patience.
Believe your husband is doing the best he can and don't sweat the little things.

Things will get worse as that's the way the disease works.

Be glad that he can still do all the things he does.

Im sure you forget things too.

You will both be happier if you can find the humor in misplacing keys, wallet, ect.

You do need to check with his Dr about driving as he could have an accident or forget to stop at a stop sign.

Maybe you should be driving yourself to appointments?

Rather you have Alzheimers, Dementia or just old age brain fog or a Senior moment, that's life, we all go through it.

It's how you accept it.

Be happy he is still around.

Learn to Dance in the Rain.

Prayers

What a wonderful group you are! Thank you for all the suggestions!

I write from the perspective of the patient whose most recent Neuropsych Exam said I was Moderate to Severe ALZ. Yes many of the problems you are mentioning are common among those of us with Early Onset ALZ. I have been noticing in the last few months and was forgetting names of friends I hadn't seen through the Pandemic but are now returning to Church and other places in the community. Those were mostly friends I've known for over 30yrs. Forgetting family members tends to indicate progression based on what I've learned in the last five years. According to my Neurologist I was the first patient in her 20 years of practice to surrender their drivers license without having to be told to do it. I'd keep an eye on his driving. We the patients experience many of the same things, but not everybody experiences the same issues as another patient will. I recommend that you keep discussing these issues and putting together a plan for when you progress through the stages of dementia. Good luck to you,, your DH and family.

The absolute best suggestion I can give you is , find a CARETAKERS group and attend weekly ..

You have every right to be angry and frustrated - this disease is only going to get worse and the behaviors will get worse - and you will get even more upset. You cannot fix this. YOU can take total control of EVERYTHING - leave nothing up to him as it just won't work. But that will wear you out and be resentful to you. The only advice I can personally give you is that you have to look into some options BEFORE you lose it and are terribly impacted by his behavior. You get a caretaker to relieve you of the burdens. You have him live with another member of the family but that most likely won't go over well. Or you have to think of placing him somewhere so you can live your life. I firmly believe when our loved ones and their behaviors start to constantly upset us and destroy our lives, we must make a choice as to what to do about it - and that usually means placement.

Some great ideas here. I particularly like the idea of a daily agenda posted on a white board, and the suggestion to make plans now, together, for what is coming. It sounds as if he's still sufficiently competent to discuss these things; in home care, medical directives, and certainly get Will and Power of Attorney in place. You want to be the Attorney, and an alternate should be appointed in case you become incapacitated. In Canada we can authorize a person to be our Health Care decision maker (it's called a Representation Agreement), and that authority extends to choosing a person's residence; very helpful when it comes time for a care facility. And you should get all those documents in place for yourself too. In the event of an illness or emergency, you could both be in a real pickle without a backup.
You will, of course, be watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. My favourite is 'Brain changes in dementia.' Watching that just once helped me immensely. Once you really understand things get much easier. Seeing a Gerontologist or Neuropsychiatrist will be very helpful as time goes on. It takes years to learn how to deal with dementia, and those professionals and this forum are the only places I've found that really help. So keep learning. And if / when your husband's behaviour becomes really problematic, with accusations about theft or other paranoias, ask about medications. My mum takes a small dose of an antipsychotic, and it has been life changing for both of us.
And to reinforce the concerns about driving...my mum's GP, who is in his 70's and probably out of date, told me she should still be ok to drive as it was a long-held skill. It seemed doubtful, but we let it slide. She was self-limiting, saying she just went for little drives in the daytime in her local area. But she started mentioning going on her favourite drive 'last night' which demonstrated the inconsistency and inability to follow a preset determination which is evident in everything now. One day I was a passenger in her car when she realized she'd taken an incorrect turn. The way she made her correction made my hair stand on end! Immediately after making a left turn, as the first car in a busy left turn lane, she stopped and tried to make another left down a lane, across two busy lanes of traffic, stopping all the irate and honking drivers behind her. And she stubbornly held on to her plan - because she couldn't come up with any other plan. Telling you the long version to demonstrate what lack of judgement in driving looks like. And if you can't think quickly, how can you even manage to change lanes?
Fortunately she ended up in hospital for several days, delusional after surgery. A Gerontologist found out she still had her license and cancelled it pronto!

I am going to lay it out for you straight. First of all, please do not hesitate to come to this site for help because your loved one is in early stages with “minor difficulties.” All of us on here started right where you are.
Next, you are going to have to change your mindset soon. I am truly sorry, but it’s a fact. You need to learn now not to depend on him for rides. In fact, he won’t be able to continue driving much longer. Please be grateful that he “seems so normal.” Try to cherish theses days. I think perhaps you are experiencing some denial- which is absolutely normal. In my opinion, you need to get going now - please don’t wait. Your husband’s journey may be long, but it could also progress quickly. Blessings to you as this is not an easy road. Please come back to this site as there are many helpful people with experience. I know they have helped me tremendously.

Imho, your husband should not be operating a motor vehicle at all. However, please know that you're a wonderful caregiver.

You can 'suggest' words or names that he can't recall at a time he can't recall. You cannot retrain the brain. I forget where I park a car sometimes - but if he is doing this often or forgetting to get you from a designated place, it might be time to stop asking him to pick you up. Make him stay w/you at the drs appt. Don't send him places alone. Eventually he's going to get lost or disoriented and it can be quite a problem for him and those looking for him.

You can try a bowl at near the door where wallet and keys always go when you enter the house. A little sign on the bowl - keys/wallet. Loss of items is very, very common and very frustrating to those trying to locate them. Keep an extra set of keys in your purse to avoid the aggravation for both of you.

Patience is hard but required. You just have to accept that his brain is broken and all the reminders or repeating yourself won't fix it. Terrible disease.

(1) he needs to stop driving before something bad happens (2) it will get worse but you will have to go with the flow. get a white board and mount to a wall and write things down, no matter how hard you try to make him remember things will just cause frustration on both you and him. Pray for the patience and continue to check in here for advice/venting/or whatever. alot of people on here have gone thru the same thing OR are presently going thru. Take breaks when you can to regain some normalcy that you will need. wishing you luck.

Your situation is nothing to minimize. I think it's pretty serious, and much worse than what I am dealing with with my mom (who lives with me and hubby).

I remember my neighbor used to get really upset and embarrassed by her husband with dementia. It took her awhile to come to terms with the reality of the situation. I think the sooner you do that, the better. You could work on accepting the situation and NEVER expecting your husband to learn something new or stop doing things wrong. It's going to be your new normal.

Take some deep breaths. Do some reading. Get some help at home so that you do not burn out too fast.