I am deleting my account. But before I do I want to thank Barbbrooklyn, Needhelpwithmom, Lealonnie, Xrayjodib, chriscat, daughterof1930 and everyone else on the forum. I love you all!!! You all helped me with my mother.
But my caring and sharing my experiences with all of you has left me drained and left me rehashing all the negative memories and thoughts.
It’s time for me to move on with a therapist and psychiatrist.
I need positive things in my life right now and sharing right now just brings up bad memories. It’s all the triggers on here. I have to let go of it all.
A WORD of CAUTION: to all of you that still have your narc LO’s alive, please be prepared that when your narc LO passes away, it will not be freeing, it will not be all this happiness, you will not be doing a happy dance.
You will feel pain and a big hole inside of you. Please get help for yourself when it happens. I got blindsided by it. I didn’t think it would happen to me.
Take care all of you. Please take time away from this site and away from caregiving before it is too late. Get away from all the drama. You are all important. You all matter.
This site can be very addicting. I need to find my life again. I won’t be back. I won’t be coming back under a different name either. It was a pleasure talking to all of you. Thank you all for everything.
Thank you for your heads up on grieving our narcissistic LOs!!
That's very insightful and very much appreciated!!
I'll miss your thoughtful insight. You've truly been a huge help to me!!
God bless you!!😘
Just saw that you decided to stay!
You're insight is always on point!
I left my original response, because it's heartfelt!!🤗
I’m still working full time so there are people I can interact with on a daily basis. Thank you so much for your suggestion and your support.
Also, we didn’t have a funeral for my mom. She was cremated and we are having a memorial for her on Memorial Day weekend. We rent a cabin every year on Memorial Day weekend so we are getting together with family then. My husband and I will be fully vaccinated by then. I’m going for my second shot next Saturday.
Take care of yourself. I am glad you're getting help from your therapist.
And thanks for the warning about the pain after the NM passes away. My mother is not a NM, but I suspect I might feel some emptiness and the hole you mentioned after she's gone. From time to time, some posters have mentioned that, too.
Needhelpwithmom, I’m so sorry your mom lost everything in hurricane Katrina. That must have been devastating!! I’m so sorry to hear that!!
Yes, we quickly got my moms house cleaned out in 10 days. We had a lot of friends to help. I felt we were pressed for time because I eventually had to go back to work and my brother eventually had to go back home to his family. So we were on a time schedule. We gave ourselves 2 weeks but glad it was all done in 10 days.
I still can’t believe that you emptied out your mom’s house so quickly.
My mom had accumulated lots of things but wasn’t a hoarder. Hurricane Katrina destroyed all of her belongings.
The house couldn’t be restored. Nine feet of water. Someone built a new home on the land.
Memories are sometimes beautiful and sometimes haunting.
I definitely will drive by and see the house when it’s all painted.
Needhelpwithmom, thinking of you during this difficult time with your mom now in hospice. How is your mom doing? Is she still able to talk to you?
I understand that. There are emotional reactions to places.
Also, memories may fade somewhat at times but they are a part of us. They never go away. You wouldn’t want to lose all memories, especially the good memories.
It takes awhile before our feelings settle. Your mom’s death is still fresh and it has stirred a wide range of memories and emotions.
I know what a good person you are. You will utilize all of your memories, pleasant and unpleasant to help others.
We are blessed to have you on this forum.
Glad that you are closing on the house soon!
I had to check on my mothers house today. I went by myself and went inside. I did start crying. There were a lot of good times and memories in that house.
We are closing on the house on April 22nd.
Grief is so hard. It comes in waves. Some are gentle and some knock us off of our feet!
Glad that you feel a bit better. Cry on our shoulders anytime you need to.
We care so very much.
I was having a pity party for myself last week. I was being so selfish!!
I realize that the only way I can help myself is by helping others. I never meant to turn my back on any of you in your time of need. You all were there for me in my time of need!!
I am talking to my therapist tomorrow but in the meantime I need all of you!!!
It is only right to let go what no longer serves you in a practical or supportive way. Many are helped by group sharing, but some find it drains them instead. Others may find it useful for a time, but then time to leave.
Boundary setting is so important, setting our own limits. Well done for choosing yours, cheers 🥂
You should do what you feel is best for you. This site has been a savior for me. I feel greatly less alone and more understood with it in my life. There is so much more help I find here than I do amongst my family, well meaning as they are.
I understand what you are saying about the passing of your mother. I am very saddened by my mother's present state yet it is hard to imagine her no longer in this life. I would like her life with great limitations to not feel burdensome to HER. I wish you the best and hope you find the right help for yourself.
Take care of you, get the help you need. You will always be welcome here if you ever want to return.
I wish you inner peace and happiness.
I am so glad to hear that you are seeing someone. THAT is the best choice you could make for yourself.
And if leaving now is right for you I am so thrilled you are able to take that step; I believe you are so wonderful to tell us goodbye, and not just disappear. I almost never come to "discussions" anymore because for a while they were more arguments than discussions. I am thankful I came today and saw your message.
I think you have so much to contribute to others with such a difficult loved one, but the truth is that, if it is triggering and not helpful for YOU, then it is all wrong for you to do. And YOU are my concern.
I will always believe you did what you could in a very difficult situation. But until you are at peace with that my believe means zero.
I wish you the very best. It has been our privilege to know you, I think.
We are a combination of all the experiences that we have in life. Some of that is Joy, some Pain but all of it makes us who we are.
Thank you for your contributions here.