My mother (in good health physically, I'm her caregiver), she is "gaslighting" every conversation; meaning, she will accuse me of things she says, and denies she ever said it...maddening. The most benign exchange devolves into belittling, criticism, and vicious statements. I know not to respond, but unless I'm guarded with every word, any subject (even weather) turns into the cruelest of responses. Does anyone have similar experiences? Example: I was called a "P.o.S while cooking dinner because I defended a nephew who is autistic, who she refers to in ways I can't repeat. His mother, my sister, is a saint...but my mother believes my nephew's challenges are his mother's "fault". Thoughts?
Why does she live with you?
Now that she's 85, she feels entitled to behave this way, without consequence...and getting worse by the day.
If she does, then her brain is broken. All you can do is redirect, ignore, offer tea, say lalalalala.
If she's simply rude, ignorant, stubborn and proud, I'd make sure to find her a nice studio apartment based on income.
Until the early 1970s, Autism Spectrum Disorder was attributed to poor mothering ( like every other mentally illness)." Refrigerator moms", they termed it. Charming.
Not true. If mom reads, I can send you some articles.
But this isn't the only thing she's rude about. Does she hate living with you? Is she depressed? It sounds like she's agitated.
Have you considered taking her for a geriatric psychiatric workup? If she is usually a kind and generous person, this change in her mental status needs to be looked into.