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Hi all, have been reading these boards for a while now. They've helped me to not feel alone as a caregiver. I found Dad passed away on his bed last Tuesday am. I thought he was just taking his cat nap as he always did. But, when I checked on him & his position didn't change in an hour, I went in, tapped his arm asking him to wake up. Nothing. I called for my adult son who just came home, he took one look at him & said yep, he's gone.


I was in shock, still am. Just spoke to him the day & night before. He wished me a happy Mother's day 2 days earlier.


He had CHF, COPD for years. Was on Hospice 9 years! Mom passed away in 2014, then we moved him in with our family. He's been with us 6 years, off of Hospice 2 years & had new friends at the Senior center.


It's been a rollercoaster of stress, emotions. Good times & a lot of bad.


But, he went peacefully in his sleep. the way he wanted. For that I'm grateful. My husband & I need to clear his stuff out his room, clean & paint it. Then we can turn it into a guest room.


I don't know where to start. I see his things everywhere & see "him".


We've crammed all of my parents house into ours & we've been bursting at the seams for 6 years. It's time. I know. But, its hard.💔❤

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Stillgoing, my condolences to you.

This is fresh and raw, you do not need to do anything with Dad's things until you are ready. It is hard.

There is no right way to grieve and there is not correct time line for cleaning out Dad's things. Some like my Mum, needed something to do after my step dad died. Cleaning out his clothes gave her something to do and she had completed the task within a month. My Dad still has not let go of some of his mother's things and she died almost 40 years ago. Now Dad is extreme and is a hoarder, but you get the idea.

I am not sure if you have siblings, but you do have children. Ask each of them if there is something of Grandpa's that they would like as a memento. You may be surprised at what they choose. Then in small steps, launder his clothes and instead of putting them back in his dresser and closet, bag or box them up. Here Thrift shops are closed, but shelters are open, ask if they will accept the donation.

Me, I would have to buy a new bed. If Dad's bed is clean, I am sure someone would love to receive it.

The idea is to slowly remove Dad's things from his room as you retain your memories of the good times and create a new space in your home for guests.

With the other furniture items that are taking up room in your house, again ask your kids, siblings and grandkids if there is something they want. To make it fair, put names in a hat and people can choose one item when their name is drawn. This is assuming they are not bequeathed to a specific person in the Will.

Death is even more challenging during Covid as all our death rituals are disrupted.
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((((((hugs))))) and my deepest condolences. This is a hard time with covid and harder now for you and your family with your father passing. I am glad he went peacefully - that is a gift to you all. As Tothill says -take your time over dealing with all the "stuff". There is no set schedule. Some do it quickly, some slowly. It's up to you. Above all look after yourself.
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I am so sorry for your loss of your father, stillgoing. I am glad he was home and passed peacefully, that is a blessing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time.
Hugs to you!
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So sorry for your loss! I went through something similar, my husband's father lived with us and died while on Hospice. It was very difficult with all the reminders, and clearing out his room after Hospice removed all the medical equipment. Take your time, there is no rushing these things.

His room became a storage of sorts while we readied our home for sale, just couldn't continue to live there with all the reminders of 13 years of Caregiving, too depressing for me, it was time to move on, downsize and prepare ourselves for our own Senior years, having learned that lesson 2 times over with downsizing our own parents.

I hope you take your time, grieve and try to remember all of the good times, it's the only thing that helped me through it. Take care!
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So difficult. You and he obviously had such a dear sweet
friendship.

I miss my father every day of my life, but over time I’ve learned to actually look for him in times of joy or trouble and believe it or not, when I need him I’m always quite sure he’s there.
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I’m sorry for your loss. My dad has end stage CHF and is truly miserable with it. He often speaks of wishing he would die in his sleep. It doesn’t ease your pain any I’m sure, but your father got the end of life that mine is here wishing for, a peaceful death. I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer a prolonged time. You will find the right time to clean out and move on, it’s different for everyone. Meanwhile I wish you peace and the comfort of memories of happier times
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Stillgoing,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. The next few months and years will be hard. Grief goes at its own pace. But it'll get better.

I still "talk" to my Dad, 3 years after his passing.
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Thank you all for the love & support during this time. I will go through his things when I'm up to it.
My brother isn't getting anything. He couldn't even call us back when we tried to notify him. Never came to the funeral & found out he wasn't even going to tell his 20 yr old daughter that her Grandpa passed away!
He's my only sibling. We were never close! Dad stopped talking to him 2 years ago after he threatened me & my family.
My husband & sons will go through his things together.
Dad did just give my youngest son a gold bracelet of his for his college graduation last week. ❤
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Stillgoing, I too offer my condolences.    And please don't feel that you need to start anything right away; give yourself time to grieve first.  

I think "seeing" someone everywhere is part of the bonds we form over the years.   I still experience that with my family, going as far back in deaths as over 20 years.    It can be troubling, so I have to encourage myself to shift to the happier times and memories.

Give yourself plenty of time before tackling any projects.
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Stillgoing, I am so sorry for your loss.

May God grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.

Your dad was very blessed to have you and your family to take him in and care for him in his last years.
Remember that this has been going on for years, be kind to yourself and take the time you need to get through this season of your life.

Great big warm hug!
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I'm so sorry, I am watching my dear father decline fairly quickly.. it's like there is just a glimmer of my dad left and I'm not able to see him often. I'm feeling cheated. I used to at least talk to him on the phone but his hearing is now almost gone and frankly even though he says he can't hear, I think it's because his mind is going. It's so sad. My dad was a brilliant man with a great sense of humor, not perfect and often irritating... but he and I had a special connection more than the other kids. And when he's gone I'm sure I won't see my siblings anymore either as we don't get along... so I grieve for that too. I am going to be a basketcase for a long time after it happens.
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