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My Dad ask me could he move in a small apt next to my house that my husband and I own when he no longer could drive. He was 93 at this time and turned 94 in Nov. First off he did not like my tv service. He wanted boxing and old western channels. So I changed to direct tv which cost double but he did agree to pay half. He gives me 500 a month for his rent which includes elect and water. He ask me to provide his evening meals. I agreed. When we go grocery shopping I have to use his cart. He waits untill we get in the store and throws a fit if I try to get my own cart. He takes a bath about on average twice a month. Once he went 6 weeks. I tell him when we go somewhere to clean up and sometimes he does but usually not. Now his sister went into a nursing home and wants me to take him every week. He told his other sisters and brothers he would go see her every week. Its 35 minutes from here. I told him I was not taking him once a week and that my sisters need to come take him once in a while and he got mad and blew up and said the only reason why i moved over here is because you dont do anything. I have grandkids that i pick up once a week and transport two of them to there mothers for my son twice a month. I also work on this house we bought as it was in bad shape when we bought it and also do lots of art work. I have no life anymore. He controls me. I am a retired nurse but am getting to my witt ends with him. What do I do. I am getting depressed over this. This is not all that he does to me. And also may I add that have caught him playing with himself. He wont even lock his door.

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First I suggest that you pick your battles. Sort the important issues from the things that don't matter. The TV service costs more but he's paying the extra cost. So why is that a problem for you? I don't understand the grocery cart issue. Why does it matter who pushes the cart? If you don't like shopping with him, leave him home. If you don't want to spend an hour a week on the road in order to see your aunt and for Dad to see his sister, then try to arrange for your sisters to each do it once a month. That he plays with himself is no concern of yours. Even if the door is not locked you should knock and wait to be invited in.

Your life is just as important as any of your sisters' lives. It is not true, of course, that "you don't do anything." I think I would consider that a battle worth fighting -- I would require personal respect. I would also point out that he was free to move, and there was no binding lease he couldn't get out of.

He cannot control you unless you let him. If you are a retired nurse and he is 94 you are definitely an adult and do not need to "obey" him even if he is your father. Act your age. :-)

I might consider the bathing issue another battle worth fighting, depending on whether he does a reasonably good job of getting clean between baths.

Let the little stuff go. He's old. He's entitled to be a little crotchety. Insist on respect. Know that he can't control you without your cooperation.
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I guess I wasn't very clear on my issues. It is affecting my well being. I use to see him bully my Mom. I took care of her and she was appreciative. He will not allow my sisters or brother to do anything for him. My oldest sister will not help period. He hates my brother and my youngest sister is too self centered. Don't get me wrong I do love him but he has always treated me this way. At this point I am beginning to resent him for the way he is making me feel. I would like to push a cart when grocery shopping and him push one and he can follow me. When I load the cart he has no place for his and my bread and eggs do get squashed. I have had the doctor talk to him about bathing. He told him to bathe every two days. He does not and really smells horrible. He will not even change clothes. If I knock on his door he will not hear it and he knows I check on him. My sister walked in on him too doing the same thing because he did not hear her knocking. I have had a hard time talking back to him but I do act my Age!!! He is the one not acting his age. A year ago I had a woman call me and tell me she was my sister. He never acknowleged him.. He gave me heck about my x not supporting my kids. I am sorry I am just a little deshambled today and he knows I am upset. It really got to me when he tells me in a harsh tone the only reason he moved here was because I don't do anything. I love my kids and grandkids and would like to spend some time with them. I never ask him to move here. The whole deal was i take him to doctor appointments , groc shopping and get his meds. I have taken him to see my aunt 6 times in the past 6 months and had no problem with it and infact took him to see his son in law 5 times. We took him out to eat and he complained to others about the food. I clean his house once a week. Provide hijm a hot 3-4 coarse meal every day. He came over one day and told me I dont like this and that. So now I have had to change some of my cooking. I am sorry I am just at wits ends.
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Talk to you Dad about what you understood the original agreement to be. Maybe your husband should be there and support you in the discussion. Give your sisters a schedule of visits to the Aunt and let them know they need to take one visit a month at least. Let them take him grocery shopping a couple of times a month as well.

When he starts treating you badly, just let him know you will come back when he is in a better mood. A few times of that and he will get the message.

As far as meals, you are not running a short order kitchen. He can eat what he likes and leave the rest. Good manners mean you don't complain about a meal someone else prepared for you.

Call senior services or an inhome healthcare provider in your area for an evaluation as to what services your Father might be eligible for; someone to help him bath a couple of times a week, housekeeping and cooking. This should all be covered by Medicare. Whether he likes it or not, Dad needs assistance in his life.

Your plate is full and you should be enjoying your retirement....not running two households and being treated in this fashion. Only you can change what is happening.

I wish you well!
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No. You do not have to change some of your cooking. He doesn't like your cooking? Hey, there's always Stouffers frozen dinners.

You are not responsible for what your ex does. No doubt you'd have liked him to pay child support! So his complaints about that are inappropriate on two counts! Not Your Fault, and he had a kid he didn't support.

So, you've had a very responsible career. You are a grandmother. You don't have to do what Daddy says anymore. Really. He bullied your mother. You are not your mother. You do not have to take that kind of treatment.

So, why are you letting him control you, bully you, or get under your skin?

It really amazes me that smart, strong, independent women put up with this crap leftover from their childhood.

Maybe some counselling could help you stand up for yourself.

You decide what you are going to do. Don't let your father tell you that you don't do anything. "Dad, I'm going to spend Monday visiting my kids. I won't be home until late. I'll cook extra on Sunday and you can have leftovers or microwave a frozen dinner." or "I'm going to be busy all weekend. The grandkids are coming over to make cookies. They are staying overnight and Sunday we're going to a movie." or even "I'm going to spend tomorrow shopping and visiting a museum. I'm having dinner with a friend. I'll be getting home late." You agreed to take him to appointments, cook one meal a day, take him grocery shopping and get his meds. That should not consume so much time that you don't have a life anymore. Seems like you've let a lot of extras creep in. Offer to help him find a cleaning person. You've decided you don't want to clean his apartment. Cut back on everything except what you agreed to originally.

Remind him that you aren't holding him to a lease. He is free to find somewhere else, and you will continue picking up his meds and taking him for groceries every two weeks. You love him, but he is not in charge of your life.

And for heavens sake, push your own dang grocery cart! How can he stop you? Throw a tantrum? Not Your Problem if he wants to make a scene while you walk off and go about your business.

He can avoid bathing if he wants to, but you can refuse to take him out if he smells bad.

You really have to either set some boundaries and stick up for yourself, or insist that Dad moves, or both. If you don't you can expect to be depressed and resentful for another few years.
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Thanks to both of you. I am feeling a little clearer now. It is so hard for me as I feel I am disrepecting my Dad when I stand up to him. I think I will take him grocery shopping and I will do mine another day and he only gets one day a week for that. I have gotten one sister to agree to take him to see his sister next week and will ask her to do this every month and I will take him once a month and that way he will get to see her every two weeks. My oldest and youngest sister will never help out. They have already said this. Thank you all
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Be strong, Karol!

Your father is being extremely disrespectful to you. Since you are both adults, respect must go two ways. Stand up to your father in polite terms. You don't have to be rude. And when he is rude and ranting, say "You seem to be upset now. I will come back later," and leave the room.

He cannot control you without your permission. And this fear of being disrespectful is one of the tools he uses.

The oldest and youngest sister have figured out a way to protect themselves. I hope that you can figure out a way to live your own life and still help your father. If you can't, then maybe you should follow their example.
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Karol I know exactly how you feel. I am going through a simular situation with my dad who will be 90 in April. I am trying to understand the time in which they are from. Men in my opinion have NO respect for women. Sadly enough I was married to somewhat of a control freak who had my selfesteem beat down. I know first hand once it is beat down it is hard to get it back up!! At times I feel it is easier to just do it and deal with the situation than create more up roar. For me though my dad was 22 years in the military and is extreamely clean. If he doesn't like a meal he sits quiet. What I envy about you is he has his own space and not just a bedroom next to yours. I try to go places (short trips ) to get away and he will say why did you want me here if you are just going to leave me alone??? Um I don't remeber begging you to move in. I have 3 kids who are still at home. My father is 89, I am 49 and my baby is 9. Generation Gaps 3 times over. Now I am faced with getting a sitter for my dad and cleaning up accidents. I can so totally understand where you are coming from but we have to try to get out from under the control and more times it is easier said than done. Children are master manipulators and as parents age they revert back to childhood which makes them master manipulators too. They have come full circle. First we raise our kids then we try to raise our parents. My finding is kids are way easier to raise. I am getting better at demanding respect and when he goes off I go off right back and he gets this look on his face like I just smacked him. After he pouts his mood seems to be a little better adjusted. Good luck to you and know you are not alone. Blessings to us all
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Let me correct something. Men from that generation have NO respect for women! Not all but allot of them.
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Thanks for your comments, it helps to know I have others to say they feel he does disrespect me and don't allow it. Sometimes I feel if I stand up to him, I am being insensitive to a 94 yr old. I am 59 years old and have earned my retirement thru working for the state of La for 30 years. And now that I am retired I am doomed to live this way. He may go on like this for years as the men in this family live to be about 100. He has one sister 99. There were 12 kids in his family with no closeness. I do talk to one of my sisters and he has degraded her so bad because he hates her husband. He will not go to her house because he does hate her husband. His idle is my oldest sister. Her husband is paralized from waist down and owns a business and know she is busy but she doesn't do anything for her they have a sitter. But in my Dad's eyes she is the best and feels that she is too busy and its ok if she doesn't help. She has not once visited him the whole 7 months he has lived here and thats ok. But he thinks I should take him to see her and I have numerous times. I am just tired of being the taxi. We had planned a trip to Ohio two yrs ago to see his 2 brothers and 2 sisters and numerous nieces and nephews and he wanted to pay half the gas in which this was a gift to him but he insisted so I said ok. In the mean while one of his nephews was diagnosed with end stage cancer and was given a month to live and was in the hos[ in Tenn. So I ask my Dad if he would like to stop at the hosp on the way to ohio and see him one more time before he died and he said no. So I said since it is on the way I would like to see him and that the hosp he was in was right on the interstate. We would be in our RV. He threw a fit and said Whats Mike ever done for you and I said nothing but I have never done anything for him. He got up and stated if you go to the hosp to see him forget me going. I was so hurt by the way he acted, so I said forget it, I will not stop. I had arranged for one of his brothers to fly from Oregon to be in Ohio when we were to be in Ohio. So that was the only reason I said I wouldn't stop to see him. I am so appauled by the way he acts. But anyway it is good to know I am not alone anymore and others see him bullying me and back me up not to take it. It really helps to talk to others.
Thank you so much
Karol
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Karol let me ask you this, if you had a job and were gone 8 hours a day, how would he cope with the things he has to do? I think probably he'd find a way to get what he wants done. You have to keep this in perspective I think. He'd find a way, whether or not he could rely on you. And 'honoring' or 'taking care' of an aged parent, I believe it means, you make sure they're not living in a box on the street. That they're not starving to death, dying of hypothermia and are getting their meds when they need them. Other than that.... well it's out of the kindness of your heart and the parent needs to know that and act accordingly. In my humble opinion.
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If I had a job and believe me it has crossed my mind to go back to work to get away from it all but I broke my back 3 yrs ago and not sure I could handle it. He would eat and sleep in a warm enviroment. He has pretty much enabled hisself to become dependant upon me and why I don't know. We will be going to our cabin for 3 weeks at the end of june so am anxious to see how he deals with it all.
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Hi Karol,
I fully understand what you're going through. I am the sole caregiver for my 97 yr. old father. Your father sounds exactly like mine. He's always been controlling and continues to be. It hurts when you're the only one doing things and aren't appreciated and respected for it. I've tried it all, as how to react to him in difficult situations with him. It's so hard, but someone recently told me to more or less agree with him, but then do what I know is best. It's almost like playing a game of stradegy. The hardest part is when I'm tired or not feeling well myself, so I tell him. That's when I need to have less contact or conversation with him. It's makes it difficult because we live under the same roof. Good luck.
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Hi Ssansgal you said it just right. He must think if he can control me with the shopping card and every other little thing such as getting me to change tv services, and what I cook then I will continue doing what he wants so I do not play anything his way anymore. I am letting him know this way that I do not allow him to control me. He wants it to where when he tells me to jump I would react with how high do you want me to jump but I dont do that anymore. I feel for you also. I do not go next door to his house except to clean or give him his meal. When I try to get my oldest sister involved he blows up and says she is busy. It must be nice not doing anything for him. My son is going thru a nasty divorce right now with a custody case on the kids and I am solely their for him and will contiue. I think he is jealous of my kids because I do alot with them. I now leave alot of times without telling him where I am going and he usually ask when I get home where I have been. It is so hard. I feel this is totally my life now. Good luck to you with your Dad also, I do feel your fustration. His little house is ten steps from my door. Atleast I do not have to hear his blarring tv. Hugs to you. Keep me posted.
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Whew! I'm glad you wrote to this community, Karol - it is so important to have others who can help with ideas, and who understand some of the conflicts, and who see your side, so you can think more clearly. Good idea for you to write down the things YOU feel you can do, and Jeannegibbs had good alternatives for setting limits. Also consider the time YOU want to put in - then train your Dad! If he wants more, say there are other sisters. I also like the idea that you will not take him out if he won't bathe - if you can hire a helper to help him bathe, it could be the day before you take him shopping, or out anywhere. We come from past cultures, where women felt it was their job in life, to create a loving home with extended family, who shared work to provide good nutrition, a home that looks beautiful - and the man, who went out to work, expected this is just part of life. He did not even think of the work it takes to create and maintain such a home, for the woman's work was often shared with other women, and given as a "gift" - means the labor was hidden! Sometimes the labor is easier than others - the ups and downs were hidden also. And for one woman alone, the ups and downs are very difficult to fit in. The man just thought the result was a pleasant home, to which he was entitled if he worked and provided for the family. Because it was not their responsibility, many men don't realize the situation has changed when it is just one daughter doing it all, and it is sad when the entitlement falls on one of the children, is not divided in some way aImong all. I really had to teach my siblings a lot, after I took responsibility for my disabled brother in his adult life - and my far away siblings, brothers - said, "well, you accepted the responsibility, so don't complain now!" I was surprised at how important it was for me to learn to teach them about the ups and downs - how I was willing to work for a certain time, but I had to learn to stand up to them - I found it difficult to even think of what they could do to help, for they are in a different country. But I learned to pay attention to my own choice. What can I do, with joy - When my brother's health issues got worse, I had to change my definitions, because being with him was harder than it used to be. Recently I hired a Geriatric Care Manager whose job it would be to help ME sort out the issues, not help my brother directly. And I told my other siblings they must help pay for this. I am not finished with the negotiations yet, it takes TIME even to negotiate with other siblings, who think things are fine because they are not there. This is enough for now, but I am glad you wrote here and can get some ideas from everyone, who understand your responsibility to your OWN life - and encourage you to define that first!
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Once a bully, always a bully applied to my mom. She was also extremely jealous of the close relationship I had with my son and daughter. She and I were never close and she did everything possible to drive a wedge between my only sib and me our whole lives. She constantly downgraded me to my kids. Then she wondered why our family was not close and why we didn't enjoy being around her. We started keeping our distance at times and standing up to her. It didn't work. With someone like her, it never is going to work. She was dead set on always getting her way. Now that she's gone, I have pity for her. She had so much hate in her heart and the more love we showed her, the harder her heart got. Sometimes you just can't make it better for your elder. You have to save yourself and accept they will never change. No matter how much you love them.
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Wow, I needed to read this. How I am going through the same thing with my dad. I am only 40 and my dad is 75 but looks like he is 85. I do not know why I put myself out there to care for him but I guess in my heart my attitude has been "someone has to do it" but the problem is that once you put yourself out there, everyone EXPECTS you to do all of it with little respect or appreciation to the demands placed on you.

My dad walked away from me when I was 11. He did not care if I had food in my belly or clothes on my back and yet here I am taking care of him and he has NO respect for me. He frequently accuses my of evil things. He says I do not care for him. He yells at me and constantly insults me. In fact, most of my life he took little interest in me as a person much less his daughter.

When we go out or when the nurses come in to change his wound, he gives the impression that he is completely with it mentally and emotionally and sometimes bad mouths me in front of them, yet in reality he is a manipulative, deceitful little child who insists on getting his way all the time. He expects me to be at his beck and call. He demands all my attention all the while not giving me any attentive care or concern for my exhaustion of taking care of him. He has never taken responsibility for his life either because he is depressed or simply does not give a crap and yet he expects everyone else to do it for him. When I talk to him about making funeral arrangements, he says let the state take care of it. He is a child who never grew up and here I am left holding the bag. He usually give me grief about medical decisions and frequently states that I am "miss know it all" and yet funny because even though I am not a doctor I was correct in his diagnosis of CHF because of pitting edema without any diagnostic testings done. Many things I happen to be right about but he has too much pride to admit that I am right.

To be fair though, my dad has some good points but now in his old age, he is just MISERABLE and he is taking his misery out on me. He seems to get pleasure out of making me miserable as if I should some how join him in his misery.

So truly I understand what you are going through. I have no one to help me. My oldest brother doesn't speak to me and treats me like crap and my other brother has helped some but not much because he lives 4 hours away and has 4 children and a demanding job.

One day this will all be over because he is on the waiting list at a nursing home and I am hoping that by early April he will be in there so I can move on with my life.

Cindy

He is simply UNGRATEFUL. He is about as humble as Adolf Hitler himself.
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Karol53, I feel such pain reading your story. It sounds like you feel trapped, without the skills to free yourself. It sounds to me, though, like it would just take clear communication to set the rules, and I can see you can do that from how well you have told your story here.
The things you want are not unreasonable. You've turned it into a power struggle--one that you're losing. There was a great scene in a Jonathan Franzen novel where a character is picking up his elderly mother at the airport, and the guy says that everyone else sees a frail, white-haired old lady but he still just sees his killer. My point is: you need to remind yourself that you are fighting a 90-year-old; you can win this.
From what you've described of your parents' relationship, it sounds like your father is just acting the way he's always behaved toward your mother. I think you have to accept that your father will not change, then commit to changing your own behavior. He doesn't sound like such a delicate flower that he'll fall apart if you tell him to push his own grocery cart!
While he's filling his cart, tell him to put in a lot of microwave-ready frozen dinners. Then serve them on a lovely plate. You should not be cooking! If he's going to complain anyway, let him complain about Marie Callendar.
I had a similar issue with the bathing. My mother is 94, and she came up with many excuses, including post-traumatic stress from a near-drowning in 1925. Her sense of smell is gone. Mine isn't. I bought a bench for the tub/shower and a hand-held shower with a setting for big droplets, so the shower experience is less cold and less dangerous. She has to take a shower every two days. This was non-negotiable. For me, it was a deal breaker: I would not take care of her if she would not do it.
I would write down what you are willing to do, what you cannot do (anything that prohibits you from working on your art), and buy a calendar for his schedule. Put limits on what you are putting into this situation. Does he have a phone? Let him call people and ask for help for the things you can't do.
More than anything, I think you can see in rereading your own message to us that you are in over your head. Your father is not going to save you because he sees what this is doing to you. You have to do it.
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I have truely enjoyed reading everyone's comments on their experiences and also their own experiences. It breaks my heart to know how parents turned their backs on their own flesh and blood as children and now those children are taking care of the old folks. (I really wanted to say old goats! ha) I left today and stayed gone all day and don't care. When I came home he said I wish I knew you were going somewhere, I would have had you pick me up some cookies. I said no problem, I have cookies in the freezer you can have. Another words I need to tell him where I am going. I didn't remember telling him I would do that. My youngest sister lives 3 hours away and ask her if she could come down maybe once a month or 2 months to take him somewhere. Haven't seen or heard from her since and that was 3 months ago. What a jerk. My oldest sister gets off on being POA. She had it on my Dad before he moved here. She has it on my Aunt now and is getting very overwhelmed. She has not even seen where our Dad lives and he has been here 7 months. Thats ok. She is just a miserable person. My youngest sister is too busy running after the married man! ha That will drive you insane...So tonight It was stouffers!!!!!He is still living.
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Sounds like he is Lonely.
for the most part just sounds very Lonely.
put in an apt to pay Rent..Sounds Lonely...can u have him live with you so he has
availability to eat meals with..instead of Alone..Etc.
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He lives right next to me. 10 steps from me. He probably is lonely I have one sister that visits him once a month. The other 4 forget it. He comes over to my house to drink coffee every morning. I do treat him very well but cannot take too much of the bullying. Not sure if you were referring to me. He wants me to jump every time he speaks and am very tired of it. Just trying to get some of my life back.
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He Sounds Lonely.
I am sure you do well..just patience..and it is your Dad.
I guess when he starts being upset remember his age...
&perhaps do something fun while having breakfast&coffee..
play some cards or dice game.
I would give everything to have my Father back.first.before ME.
In all my Heart I share this with you.
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I do fine untill he starts yelling at me because for the past 7 months I have put alot of emphasis on him while still doing for my kids but pretty much have given up everything I use to do for myself. Enough is never enough for him. It is very hard.
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And also I would like to add that my oldest sister has never done a thing for him along with my youngest sister and he talks about them two like the are gold. It hurts when I do everything for him. He thinks I should do all this and never blink an eye about it.
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Hi Karol,
Good for you. Remember I told you think of this as a game of stradegy. I don't mean that in a nasty way, just a way to cope with it all.
I had to call 911 last Thurs. because my father had severe pain in his chest/stomach area. He had a triple by-pass 12 yrs ago. We thought it was his heart but now find out it's gall stones. He's 97 so it depends on wheather he can go through surgery or can this be treated in another way. I was in the hospital all day yesterday and finally went home. I just got to sleep and the phone rang at 11:30 pm. It was him saying he wanted to go down stairs to the kitchen thinking he was home. He wasn't talking rationally and sounded confused. I don't know what's going on but need to talk to his doctor. It can be stressful when they're home, but also when in the hospital because then we worry. Talk soon.
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He sounds Lonely.
mayve spend time with him doing something so he is distracted by having fun ..
or going somewhere fun..
he may be fiesty becos he knows that he has to have a tough front in order not
to show he is Lonely or scared..hard to be Alone.
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Hi Sasansgal! Alot of people live with Gall Stones. No greasy fried foods. Hopefully he doesn't have to have surgery. I guess it depends on how bad they are and how often the attacks come. Sounds like you had a ruff few days. I guess it doesn't let up even if they are in the hospital. My Dad told me yesterday he was going to start cooking his own meals. It will atleast give him something to do. I have been doing everything for him. My sisters and brother don't care. They act like he is living here so you do it. But anyway take care of yourself.
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Hi Karol53,
I was at the hospital all day yesterday. My father is on antibiotics with a liquid diet. His Dr. is hoping it may help the gall stones so it won't be necessary for surgery at his advanced age.
He doesn't cook any more. I honestly don't want him using the stove or the microwave. He's burned many pans and kettles, and ruined the last micro with putting the settings too high and too long, causing the smoke alarm to go off. I bought an electric kettle that automatically shuts off. He uses it every day for tea, instant coffee and dried packaged soup.
I understand how you feel about your siblings not helping out. I have one sibling, a brother, who lives three hours away. He hasn't made an attempt to come here to visit our father while in the hospital. He always tells me he feels badly because he can't help out etc, Yesterday his daughters and husbands were at the hospital. They think it's terrible that he doesn't come here more often. Not only to see our 97 yr.old father but to visit them and the grandchildren. It's a second marriage for him so his present wife is not their mother. I've learned that people will let you do it all with no concern as to how you're coping. So, if your Dad wants to cook and is able to, let him. He may be saying that today but time will tell. Take care.
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Karol, honoring your father does not mean you have to take abuse. This sounds like abuse to me. I am the daughter of a bully and have an enabler mother. It was dysfunctional at best. Your siblings have learned their roles and are still playing them. You are obviously the scapegoat.

You can help your father but you don't have to do the hands on if it is hurting you. That is beyond the call of duty. Have a meeting with the sibs, and tell them he has to go to a home, or some place other than your house.

You do deserve better.



When my father died I thought my family would be different but have come to realize they are playing their "roles". Even today my mother carries on the dysfunction. And, no, I will not care for her. She allowed this man to abuse me and she wants to go to a nursing home. So she has made it easy.

I feel sorry for people who have these abusive parents and others tell them, it is their duty to take the abuse and care for the parent. Not so. You can arrange care but you don't have to take abuse. You are still a good daughter and you are not his only child.

Like a willful child, a bully will push you as far as they are allowed. They must have their way and alot of attention. And yes, he is probably lonely, well join the club, so are alot of people. Mom complains constantly of being lonely but won't come to visit me, doesn't want me over two days (and I live 11 hours away) won't go to church, meet ladies for lunch, or do anything to make her life better. Manipulation is their best and most often used skill.

Find him care somewhere else. You deserve it.
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Madge1, vert, very well said. I too get upset when I get told I should've considered it an honor to take care of my mother, after all "she is your mother", etc. Yeah right, you didn't have to be raised by this selfish, hateful narcissist who let you know well into your 50s that you never did anything right, you werent going to get a thank you and you'd eventually get disowned because you dared cross her. If anyone considers it an honor to take care of your mother, that's wonderful. There are some of us who just can't apply that feeling to ours.
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Hi, I do worry about my Dad burning his apartment down with cooking. I am going to get a small fire extinguisher this week. When we go to our cabin this summer, I will not be around so I think I will take all our valuables or get a safe for them. And pictures. My neighbors watch over his place also which helps. His apartment is only 10 steps to my house, so it would go up if his went up. Hope that Sasansgal your Dad doesnt need surgery. At his age it would be almost impossible for an easy recovery if at all.Thanks for the other two supports. Madge and alwaysmy duty. Family members can be so cruel. I don't understand them and never will. My Dad can no longer drive as he hit cars in parking lots and would leave instead of doing the right thing. So he depends solely on me to go visit. but is a shame his own kids cannot visit him. I guess they will get old also and their kids won't see anything wrong with not visiting them when they are in that shape. Take care you guys!
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