My 95 year old father has been living with me for just over 6 months. My 91 year old mother passed away in March 2014. Most of the time he says he is unhappy, and seems grouchy. On bad days he gets irritated easily, calls me names, and makes things up. In general he is in good physical health, but tends to act like he's always depressed. It is difficult to be around him. He has no hobbies, will not go to a senior center to visit others his age (he says they are all stupid), and is relatively inactive. We have very little to talk about, and when we are together, he sits in his chair and just stares. He is not loving, and has a generally negative outlook on life, but this demeanor has been going on for many years. When I go out by myself on occassion (and he is perfectly capable of caring for himself), he gives me the third degree making me feel guilty about taking a few hours to myself here-and-there. On more than one occassion, I gave in and did not go out, but he just sat in his chair. On the occasions that I do go out, his "3rd degree" prior to me leaving takes the joy out of any time that I am away. For example: I went to a friends birthday party in the middle of the day, and he commented that he doesn't see why people make such a hull-a-balloo about birthdays, said that they are stupid, and then just sulked. I went to the birthday luncheon, but did not enjoy it because of his dampening effect on me before I left. Most of the time I just let his negative comments "slide," but on several occassions after he belittled me, I argued back, and that resulted in him getting more verbally abusive. Does anyone have any practical suggestiions for how I can cope with this situation?
Have you looked into Assisted or Independent Living facilities? Take him on some tours, they usually offer a free lunch. He might find a place with activities appealing and maybe there will be fewer stupid people.
I would find it very difficult to give over my life to the care of someone this negative.
Is the grilling a need to know when you ll be back, ie anxiety? My mom had that problem as her cognitive skills declined, although we didn't make the connection at the time.