my 92 year old mother moved in with me 3 years ago. i lived 5 hours away from her and she could no longer live alone. we have always had a fractured relationship but she was not ready for assisted living as her physical health was very good for her age. i thought i owed her this but i had no idea what i was getting in to. there is no one to help me and in 3 years she has mode no attachments except for my friends that i have included in her life. her short term memory and mental changes has made it nearly impossible for us to ive together any longer and she is so controlling and anxious that i can hardly leave the house with her getting upset. i teach and soon i will return to school and i am so worried about leaving her and about her depression and safety. when i bring up any sort of changes; in home assistance and (!!!)assisted living she cries and then turns mean and hurtful saying that i never wanted her here anyway and i just want what is best for me, and then reminding me what she has done for me my whole life....i am at the end of my rope. sometimes i think i can go on and then other days i just want to leave the house andnot return. i can hardly go out with friends. i rush home from school to sheck on her and mow my friends are reaaly not helpful and are tired of listening to me. they just say...put her in a home. i have recently see a counselor and now she is telling me the same thing and that i am letting my mother control me (Again!!) so now i feel pressured to make a decision. i can't make my mother go....she is competent. i cant just call the movers and tell her to get in the car.....i feel guilty, stressed, angry, manipulated, and i havelost any feelign of love for my mother....she is not the same person and i try to understand that. then i feel pity for her and know she must be so frightened too. but i cant bring up a normal and rational conversation with her regarding making any changes becuase she immediately becomes like a child...crying and yelling. how have other only children dealt with this dilema alone and without any support. i am divorced and have no children........even mymothers doctors have been no help when i bring up needing suggestions as to her care and health. they act like.....'hey i dont want to get involved in any family drama.'
You will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers!