Caregiving......akin to living hell?

Follow
Share

Regardless of what anyone says, I have to say that care giving is akin to living hell. It really is.....the time and aggravation alone is mind boggling. It's never ending! It's literally a 24/7 commitment......no, it is a 24/7 commitment. It gets very old real soon......the same regimen day in and day out. It do not wish that torture on my worst enemy. Servitude......that word says it all. Most families will have to endure this hell at some point in their lives. It's as though life gets going smoothly for awhile and then the curse of old age comes into the picture and the gravy train stops and the torture takes over. It's just one of the many pitfalls of life. It's the way life is......for all of us. No one gets to live a good life, we all have to endure our share of craziness in our life......whether is be financial trouble, health problems......or whatever.......Murphy's Law is always there to give us trouble. You all know how Murphy's Law works......"what can go wrong, will go wrong". I hold that saying to be most true.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
88

Comments

Show:
1 2 3 4 5
Some people are natural nurturers, the rest of us do it because it is an obligation. Thank God for my husband, who is a natural nurturer - because I really dislike taking care of my dad and wish I had never taken him in. Please don't tell me how he took care of me when I was little - because he didn't. He made his life choice, which were all a mess. Married a crack head who nearly starved him to death. We took him in nursed him back to health and now he thinks we should wait on him hand and foot. He literally, eats sleeps and goes to the bathroom. That's it! Doesn't want to take his medication, socialize, go outside. Nothing. And I am tired. My dad is capable of doing more but just won't. I feel stuck and I am not happy. I have 3 siblings who won't help. Totally burned out and want off the merry go round.
(3)
Report

monateru I envy you I really do, no sarcasm at all. It isn't the same for all of us though. My mother for instance won't have caregivers and I am the sole caregiver 24/7. I don't have anyone except the wonderful people on here to share the bad and the occasional good times with. I have no friends down here - I haven't lived here for 45 years or thereabouts. Mums friends don't visit now she has dementia. I get 2 hours respite a week occasionally when she goes to church and thats is it. I shop on line, I do everything on line.

My mother is not a sweet old lady but she is still my mother. Mum doesn't tell funny stories, she criticises constantly and while she showtimes for the doctor she can't maintain it and a longer spell in hospital showed she had a dependency personality disorder that is absolutely draining.

I don't find is impacting her bowel manually myself (because the people who should do it WONT come out if it is a weekend) something I ever thought I could do or would want to do.

I don't find creaming her genital area because it gets sore because she is incontinent something I want to do. I particularly hate it when she asks me to cream her because 'it feels nice' because I find it distressing.

Would I stop doing this? Not at the moment ....but I recognise that there is a time when I will. If you are caring for grandpa then you are much younger than I probably but I never anticipated that my retirement would be spent doing this.

Hell? Don't believe in it .....but for me (and I will only speak for me) it is a nightmare that is now a reality and whilst I could never say I enjoy it - I will continue to do it....for her.... and believe me - she probably doesn't deserve it (deserve is the wrong word but I can't find the right one) perhaps as much as your grandpa does, given my childhood issues and the fact that she didn't do any care for her mother, her father or her husband but expects me to do the care for her.

So try not to be quite so harsh - caregiving is so very different for all of us. On the plus side I am so pleased for you and more especially for him that you are able to do this and if times do get rough for you then we will be here. xxx
(3)
Report

This is an old resurrected post, instead of Roscoe. I do wonder how he is and if he ever placed his mother. I didn't know who to feel more sorry for.
(0)
Report

So you are back Roscoe. How is Mom's constipation?
(0)
Report

Roscoe I cringe!
(0)
Report

I think caregiving is different in each situation depending on the elder's issues and your relationship with them. In my case, I wouldn't call it hell, but it's something of a prison sentence. I envy those who say that if they didn't love the person, they wouldn't do it. It would be nice to have the freedom to choose how involved to be or not be in the care of a parent. When there is no money to hire help and few or no available helpers, your choice is pretty much made for you.

I think when someone needs 24/7 care and you're the only one to do it, it's a living hell no matter how much you love the person. I've been in that situation in the past, and that was my experience anyway. So I can't argue with the OP even though that's not my situation now.
(2)
Report

First time joining but long time follower.
Weekendsoff is obviously having a different experience than many of us. He or she tells a tale much like ours but I guess it isn't whining when you say it isn't.
I have been taking care of my mother for over 20 years now and it gets more difficult as the years pass. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't love her but if, from time to time, I need to vent my frustration and hope for a pat on the back from SOMEONE, it would be nice to know that there is a place for that and that I won't be judged too harshly by someone who has not walked in my shoes one step, let alone a mile.
(2)
Report

Its NOT hell. Hell is realizing your grandpa was abused by his caretaker because she was 'bored'. Hell is hearing your caretaker yell at him through the audio monitor. I am one of 2 caretakers for my grandpa now. It is not hell. He tells funny stories, maybe a few times a row, and he is a sweet guy. If you think your job is hell then QUIT.
(1)
Report

Two years caregiving for my husband who has been more then difficult medically hasn't been fun nor healthy. I can say im happy n id do it all over again because i decided to gain as much personal growth from this moment of horror in my life that continues to go on as i can. That is exactly why the horribly physically painful and stressful life i have been living has given me more to live for in these two years then in all mu life. Learning i can do whatever comes my way now, I am starting to enjoy my life as Jill.
(1)
Report

Look into compassion fatigue. I did after coming across the term in a different poster's thread. According to the American Institute of Stress: "Compassion Fatigue: Also called 'vicarious traumatization' or secondary traumatization (Figley, 1995) is the emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events. It differs from burn-out, but can co-exist. Compassion Fatigue can occur due to exposure on one case or can be due to a 'cumulative' level of trauma." As a caregiver I can see in the mirror that lately I've had non-optimal levels of compassion for myself. I think I've felt this way since that hotel incident with my MIL.
(0)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions