Caregiving a spouse rather than a parent.

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I am caregiver to my cognitively impaired husband. I am experiencing loss of intimacy, companionship, common plans and dreams and someone to help make decisions. I hide my feelings from him to keep from upsetting and agitating him. We are getting help from agencies in our area including a support group for me and day care for him. They are wonderful and helpful, but there is still a strong feeling of loneliness in this role. We have no family in the area who can help. I would like to see more of the articles written by the consultants address spouse caregiving a mentally declining partner. Thank you.

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Thank you for your understanding, Jeannegibbs. Sounds like that could be a very helpful book.
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When it is your spouse who has dementia, you take on all the tasks and responsibilities he used to shoulder, and continue all the tasks and responsibilities that you've always done, and on top of that your household now has the additional tasks and responsibilities of caring for someone with impaired cognition. Just the change in the workload alone is overwhelming.

And when you need more emotional support than you've ever needed it in your life, the person you most counted on to provide that cannot be there for you.

And when you are used to discussion and equality in decision-making, or maybe even playing a subsidiary role in some kinds of decisions, having now to make all the decisions with little or no input from an equal partner is a crushing blow.

Of course we get lonely. We miss the intimacy and companionship we'd formerly taken for granted. We are married but we don't have a spouse.

More articles would be good.

I also suggest to you a boo by Pauline Boss, called "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia." She gets it. She really does.
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