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Ever just want to tear your hair out, or someone else's? If you cannot restore a sense of balance, you will run away from home? Just want to say some things without the constraints of staying on topic? Well, this thread is for you! If you just need a short break to let it all hang out, be a brat, then come on, you can do it. No holding back! Go for it, you can do it.

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Ms Madge! Oh my gosh that man IS just like my Mama's lady in Memory Care! Why do some get to just wander and touch and nothing ever happens to them?! I hate these yucky care places. Bless you and The Viking.
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I wonder why HOCA doesn't remove those couple of residents who are worst offenders at being problematic.

Sorry MsMadge.
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Ms Madge, can you schedule a meeting with the care home’s ombudsman?

Management needs a full account of what you’ve witnessed. Cite specific dates and times of day.

After your meeting with the ombudsman, continue to observe. If you do not see improvements, schedule a follow-up. Again, be as specific as possible when you describe this man’s incidents.

Nice and calm, of course. Tell them that you care about their employees’ safety, as well as the residents’ safety.

Do this as many times as what you witness warrants.

I also second the idea of a hidden camera. If the laws (and rules of the care home) allow.

Big hugs, Madge. So much sadness with your journey at HOCA.

Take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well. (More easily said than done, I know! But remember, where you put your effort is where you’ll see results. Give yourself permission to invest in yourself. 💕💕)
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Prinny look up Adult Protective Services for your area, give them a call tomorrow morning and get advice from them.

What you describe doesn't sound safe for you or for your client, and it doesn't sound good for the POA son either. I'm not judging him out of hand - if he has mental health issues it may be too much for him to be his Dad's primary caregiver, and he needs help. But that doesn't make it ok for you to feel threatened at work or for a vulnerable elder to be alone with him, either. Good luck, please keep in touch with us.
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II'm so stressed out and crying every night since Wednesday..I'm a live in caregiver and I moved from my hometown with a client and his poa son to another state ..the son really gets on my nerves ..he's bipolar and he gets really angry and verbally abusive with his dad..the other night he got real drunk and ran me out the house and called me all sorts of name..mind you I had nowhere to go ..I had to get a hotel..then the next day he called and apologize..I went bck because I really care about my patient.. and needed the job...but now I'm scared and I feel to call 911 sometimes..because of how angry he can get with his dad . Please advised me I'm so sad ..I feel to quit and go home .
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MsMadge, if the man tends to be agitated and aggressive, I can see why the employees would avoid dealing with him. No Excuse, but I understand. It's strange. You read here how other's LO were kicked out of the facility for being aggressive, yet this man is still allowed to roam free. I get it that the female employees would prefer to avoid him. From experience, when my mom became violent, she was very strong. Scary strong. I now have phobias of elderly people who have dementia. They can have a very calm expressionless face, but if you look at their tightly clenched fists, they're very, very angry... I wonder when will the facility do something about the roaming man. When the worst case scenario happens, will they hide it from everyone and deny it ever happened? Will they continue to look away since his victims cannot tell what happened? Is there a law or in the contract agreement that prohibits you from putting a hidden camera in your mom's room? I had set up a camera in the livingroom. My BIL had faced the camera showing my bedridden father completely. I told him to please adjust it to show his legs and the entrance doorway. I said that my dad gets sponge bathed 4 times a week. I didn't want to invade his privacy by having the camera facing him completely in the nude. It's an online access camera. It doesn't swivel.
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MsMadge,
You asked, What do you think?
So, I have a whole lot of thoughts about the man in another lady's room and her yelling, and him touching her.
I am just having trouble getting past how this is not a criminal offense because he is ill and in memory care. Clients need to place their loved ones where they will be safe from predators, imo.
Predators live in jails, imo.

A facility is obligated by law to supervise this man. He could not be trusted on a locked ward either, the women would all be assaulted.

Don't get me wrong....I do understand he is impaired. That would be a mitigating factor, but it does not erase the crime.

I also feel sorry for the victim.

Next time, break glass. You know, the glass in the fire alarm.......help will come.
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One of the Memory Care units we toured for my mom had a program by which they made Memory Walls for each resident. Families were asked to provide wedding photos, pictures of significant family members, copies of diplomas and the like.

Madge, every time you post, I want to reach out and say "there is better out there". I'm not in your shoes; the Viking is not my mom. But where she is sounds truly awful, all the time.

(((((hugs))))))
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Signage sometimes works well. Brings to mind when mom was first moved to memory care. Ts1 placed poster board on mom's door with a Welcome to Mom, Ports of Call member with a destination of Paris or some such, TS thinking that mom would think she was on a trip. The last thing she would have wanted, all mom wanted was to return to her parents and childhood home.
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Well. One thing I have seen done is signage.

I hardly like to ask in case you think I'm being ironic - I'm not - but has Hoca done the recommended things about helping residents to identify their own rooms and key common areas?

If they haven't, you could think about making a bright poster of, say, Herbert's Room; or his old house number or name or whatever, and sticking it on his door (or suggesting that they do that). I don't suppose you ever see any family members to talk to?
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The nurse didn't say anything which didn't surprise me, and this man is known for being agitated and aggressive

unlike nh, the residents don't have call buttons so if the situation was one I didn't want to be near, I would have left the room

if the social worker hadn't quit, I would inform her, as last week, this same man was in the Viking's hallway and kept entering the room across the way

unfortunately, staff rarely redirects him to either his room or the common area
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I'm not sure how that kind of thing can be prevented MsM, especially if the person involved doesn't have the ability to summon help. Why didn't you push the call bell, or did they not respond when you did? Of course the problem with call bells is that the staff have no way of knowing the difference between a routine summons and a crisis until they arrive.
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MsMadge what did the nurse say?

It's very fortunate you were not just there but also willing to help and experienced enough to do the job well. What riles me is that Hoca has no *business* to rely on happenstance like this.

It isn't that anything so terribly dreadful happened, either. But looked at from the lady's point of view, if you can't feel safe in your own room in your own bed it's a bad, bad lookout.

It's just not good enough. What the heck do they think they're for?

I'm not sure I want to look at the news. Can't face it this morning. Hope things are being brought under control :(
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What do you think ?

I observed one of the hoca wanderers enter another resident's room and shut the door tonight expecting he wouldn't meet with welcome and would turn around

I then carried on with what I was doing but since no one was about, I decided to circle back and check it out

the wanderer had not returned to his room, and I could hear yelling from behind the closed door so I opened it

the wanderer was flopped on the resident's bed, and she was cussing for him to leave - I tried to calm her and distract him to walk with me - it took a couple of minutes but he got up and I was able to lock her door

while I don't think he meant her harm, no one was aware this was happening and he did touch her legs in a somewhat sexual manner

I did let the nurse know
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Belated birthday greetings for November folks. The cat ate the first cake......
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My vote cancels out dH' s vote.
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Cannot believe here it is already November. These are holiday months for sure.
Nothing bad has happened yet. Yay!

Congratulations on your new home Glad!
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CW, I would not give my mom candy and it wasn't because of diabetes. Especially chocolate. Picture a kid on a sugar high, now picture my mom with Alzheimer's and the anger that would erupt when she could not have more. These times were very difficult and sugar in any form caused sundowning type behavior. Some family members thought I should give mom whatever she wanted. They did not have to deal with the resulting behaviors.
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I took a couple of packages of halloween candy to the NH yesterday for the residents (and staff), but I had to hand them in at the nurse's station because some people aren't allowed to have any. I do hope they made the effort to ensure everyone got one or two, most especially those who can't or won't take part in planned activities. If it were me I'd give them to everybody there, one candy isn't going to kill the diabetics and wisp of chocolate on the tongue wouldn't hurt the puree folks either.
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Thinking that I have answered all possible trolls or Halloween tricksters, I am taking a dinner respite.
Later brats.
Betcha can't find the tricksters on tonight's forum.
Assuming there are some, whooooo!
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I think that I will offer to cut my dH' s hair today.
Yeah. Feeling creative, but I am just not as good at it a n y m o r e. Heh heh.
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Today might as well not happened, feeling badly with a fibromyalgia attack.
Looked up again how to manage. The ice pack helped me, took vitamins, tylenol, and slept an hour in a darkened, cool room. It may be quicker just to post the symptoms I don't have, just to save time.
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Hi Back Luckylu,

With respect to my Astros I left their logo as my avatar until the World Series ended last night.

It is really special when your team wins the World Series. All fans deserve to have that feeling and for some of us the magic may happen in our lifetime.

Good Luck to your Cardinals next year! And the Dodgers.
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Hi back Brat lizzy,
The Red Socks really did well,your'e right and hopefully another year,the Dodgers will make it to be in another Series.Who I'd really love to be in the Series next year would be the Cardinals.They've always been my favorite team.
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Hi Brats,

Dodgers fans...I feel your pain. 😔
Those Red Sox really kept it together during the playoffs.
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Ok, you are right CWillie. Thank you for bringing me back from that dangerous precipice. Never go to Costco hungry, with two needy persons in tow.
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Don't provoke crazy people in cars, road rage is a real thing and can escalate in the blink of an eye.
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Not a sports fan, per se.
Just trying to keep up with what my friends are interested in, but a world series is quite an event. It is disappointing that one's home team is losing. So many fans in town, plus 5 different sports teams converged on SoCal and L.A. today.

A rude car was honking behind me, to hurry me up, turning left. I slowed, blasted my horn continuously...he flipped me the bone. So I rolled down my window, yelled a happy hello, and said: "Another happy Dodger fan!" LOL.

That just about tops any bad behavior publically that I have done recently.
But getting tired of the public being so mean, hostile, full of hate, and trying to run me off the roads of my home town. I am fighting back.

Behaving badly on purpose.
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ewwww Send....Mustv'e been your neighbor's lucky day~


Too bad about the game too. :(  :(  :(
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Naked-man still behaving badly. They have gone to bed, after a friend arrives, honking for them to come out. I went out, lol.

A neighbor said he WAS wearing a shirt the other day. Lifted it to wipe his nose, she saw his obese belly.
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