As you may know I had been looking after both parents and then just one. Still grieving, but just found out that I have cancer. Please don't put your care off because you are so busy going to doctor appointments for the person you care for. Also if you have any symptoms insist that the doctor do xrays or a CT scan. I had little family support and went through conflict about care, so this has made it harder for me to get care. I feel like I don't really have anyone and I think about how I tried to do the very best for parents, and not put them through unnecessary tests. I wish I had someone like me to look after me. I admit that I'm scared.

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I'm so sorry to hear this! You are very right in that we need to take care of OURSELVES before we devote 100% to others, even our own parents. It's like the airplane analogy about putting on our own oxygen masks before helping our fellow travelers. That is said for a good reason. So often we read about care givers suffering as a result of neglecting themselves in favor of giving care to their elderly loved ones. And, while a noble effort, no good deed goes unpunished, it sometimes seems.

I am sending you a big hug and prayers that you will get the best of care and a full remission/recovery from the cancer you have. Take it one day at a time and please be sure to get plenty of rest and reprieve from STRESS.

Dear Living South,
Living with cancer is scary, but I know people who have recovered, and some are caregivers on this forum.
My loved one was a caregiver during her cancer treatment, and is still surviving, no cancer now.

You may need to get yourself to a larger city with a teaching hospital, without delay.

So sorry for your losses.

Stay with the caregivers here, who can support you.
And many will pray for you.

You are so generous to share your warning to other caregivers who may be neglecting themselves right now, and for many years past.

You are a priority now. Share with us what you need to about yourself. 💞💕💞💕💞

I am so very sorry. Do now try to take things one day at a time. I had an aggressive breast cancer 34 years ago, one that had already spread to two nodes. I am still here and no recurrance. We have many on Forum who have done this healing.
Are you still doing home care of a parent? Who do you have in the household who is a support to you? I hope you will keep us updated. Remember. A day at a time. Let the fear in or it will keep knocking on the door. Expect yourself to act quite odd and get all kind of crazy juju and thoughts going, but expect also to learn from this experience. It's time now to learn to be a bit more selfish.


Thank you everybody for the kind words and encouragement - and prayer most important of all. I know I won't be able to get to the nearest large city because I don't really have anyone to take me - one person who would lives across the state so couldn't come. Right now I am having to depend on the family members who pitched a fit about parents a few years back and called the sheriff to investigate ' parent abuse' It's not a good situation but my mom was always worried about how they might treat me so we set up a savings account that I can tap in for home care. SO glad I did this and I would tell other caregivers to make SURE you have money in the bank. Don't spend all your money on family.
The testing is taking forever so I don't even know what kind of cancer - could be ovarian or colon and it just migrated to lungs, not sure. Never had obvious signs until it had progressed, I guess.

LivingSouth, oh my gosh, you are in my thoughts as I've been there, done that, got the pink t-shirt for my cancer. Yes, you are scared, like being a deer in headlights. At doctor appointments you may find yourself not remembering half of what the doctor had said. All that is very normal.

I wished I had someone close as my sig-other didn't understand what I was going through, how would he. The hospital did have a cancer group therapy that really helped. Now a days some hospital have a group for those who are facing cancer and haven't had surgery yet.

Surround yourself with doctors that make you feel good about your self. Don't be afraid to change doctors, I changed oncologist because I didn't like the 1940's attitude of one male doctor. Thankfully my surgeon looked and acted like Kirstie Alley, one couldn't help but leave her office with a really big smile.

My cancer made it introduction during the first year I was help my very elderly parents. They still lived in their home, I was doing errands for them, and running them here and there. I never told them I had cancer, as I did want to worry them.... [sigh].

Since you are in the testing mode, keeping fingers crossed that if there is anything there that it is easy to deal with. Modern medicine has made much strides compared to say even ten years ago.

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