I'm so unhappy, and I don't recognize my life anymore. Mom moved in with me 6 months ago during cancer treatment, and she's still here. The issue now is major anxiety and depression post-treatment. She's afraid to leave. I'm doing everything, except emptying the dishwasher.Her constant negativity is exhausting me. I do have a sibling who's an active caregiver, but she gets to go home (lucky her).
I've had my own health challenges this year, which have been ignored to take care of mom. My work and social life have suffered, and I've gained a lot of weight. I don't recognize my body and nothing fits anymore.
What's just pushed me over the edge now is that mom is still making her own decisions. That is good, but although she asks for our advice, she doesn't always take it. I'm currently taking care of a property issue to make sure that it doesn't blow up any further. This has added a whole new level of stress to my life, but I'm afraid that if I do nothing her financial stability will be threatened. My stomach is in knots just typing this.
Oh yeah, mom is a narcissist and was abusive when my sister and I were children.
I am so exhausted! I have no idea what to do with myself now. For the last 8 months my life has revolved around mom and work - there's not been time for anything else. Is it ok to sleep and avoid people for the next week or so?
In all honesty I do feel guilty a lot, but I know that she is being cared for much better than I could. I live 2 hours away, and she did not want to leave her city to move in with us. I go down every other week, sometimes more often. I think it is important for everyone to have a support group be it a church based or community based group that can give you encouragement. Praying for you all.
kazzaa, The Frenchman who said, "Your place or mine?" ...he's a Frenchman... so what exactly surprised you about that?? lol (I'm allowed to make fun -- I am a Taco-Soufflé.) And as for eyes locking across a crowded room, are you going to open a nightclub at your home? :) I think 1tired has a terrific idea about online dating for you. Be choosy, take your time and screen, screen, screen to your heart's content. It doesn't take time away from home and you can do it in your jammies and nightcream if you want! :) Then get respite care and GO.
At this point I should probably post a disclaimer to be the very last person on earth to give out romantic advice. (snort!) :P Anyway, glad your baby is home again.
The very best thing about this place is that no matter how you're feeling or what you're going through, there is a whole community of people who have felt that/done that/been there -- exactly where you are. No matter how ugly or horrible it feels. I couldn't stand this place at first because everything was so real and scary to me.
My Mama is gone now. I still come back, for some reason, and still find comfort and hope here.
Hugs to all of you. You are so, so amazing.
output but the 10 hours of constant dialysis is equivalent to 1 & a half hours of a normal 4 hour dial. treatment which means that he hasn't even completed 1 full treatment so it may be too soon to tell if he is able to have the antib. alone treat the Colon (Cdif) or if he will still need to have surgery & general anesthesia. The thing people don't think of is that you cannot qualify for hospice or pallative only because you have alz. you have to also be 6 months or less to death & a doctor's order. 3 months ago I tried to get him on for his heart disease because he had a heart attack 3 years ago & recovered but started having a low heart rate. I figured between the heart & the alz I could get him on hospice & avoid the hospitals considering what this hosp has done to him but no. He could not get hospice.
So, considering that this hospital since Thursday gave him a toxic mega-colon I would very much like to get him on hospice to avoid future hospital visits so he can age in place at his long term but I still will not be able to get him hospice.
What they need to do is change the rules of when a SNF is able legally to send out to the hospital & when not or the stay & care don't get paid for & the SNF has to pay a penalty for sending a patient out to a hospital when they could have treated in house or at least first tried to treat in house and also call the POA for their opinion on whether to send out.
I've been doing this for four years now. I lost my job (they say my performance got worse and didn't improve, and I spent too much time out taking my dad to dr appts!) Yes, my performance suffered!! I also have my own health condition (herniated discs, arthritis all over, fibromyalsa). I've got nerve pain shooting down my arms and hands. I'm in constant pain. And I alone take care of dad...I guess my sisters think...well now that I'm not working, I should be the one to take care of him! He also fell and broke his hip. Not long after, his cancer got worse, he fell again, and now he can't walk at all, and I have to do everything for him..and it's killing me.
I too feel so overwhelmed and depressed sometimes, I can hardly make it through. He's on hospice, so I get a 5 day respite every 90 days!! whoopee!
It takes me 3 days to re-adjust and get my stress and pain level down to a sort of normal - I've gained weight, none of my clothes fit anymore. Shower and hair washed...think I'm going on my 4th day! ugh! He was on hospice before, but was taken off, because Medicare only pays for so long. He's on it again, and definately deteriorating...so sad to see. So many mixed feelings. I always think...well, it can't last forever. Guess that's my only hope...and then that will come with the grief of his death! Can't win, right!!?? :)
Glad things a bit better for you and I know the feeling when they are coming back the anxiety. My mum went to stay with my sister for a wk when she arrived home my back went almost as soon as she walked in the door I then realised just how much stress this is and what an effect she has on my health.
Last week ive been very down and was grieving my mums illness this week im realising that who am I kidding I cant do this on my own and need some sort of a life before its too late.
My family are coming next week and I will tell them that the only solution is mum goes into a home for both our sakes and health.
Mum wont wear her hearing aids
she is not taking her meds and wont let me have them
she wont have a bath
she wont go for a walk (rang doc today and told him I need help he said if she dosnt start to excercise she will deteriorate faster great!)
shes not taking her insulin as she should
she takes all her money out of bank and walks around with her purse open for everyone to see
She cant walk and gets tired after even 15mins
she is falling over when she gets up off sofa like a drunk
she has clutter all over and no space to get into bed and gets angry when I suggest cleaning it.
Ive come to the sad conclusion that I cannot help her unless my life is going to be constantly shouting at her and this isnt healthy for either of us. I cant handle her alone and need back up my family have no idea what its like and how constant it is she never lets up.
I honestly think she will be better off in a home and will live longer if shes better cared for.
She wont listen to me or do what I ask and I cant take anymore my family are going to try and talk with her its hard either she does what shes told and let me have her meds or she will be better off in a NH.
I will have a talk with a professional as I really cant cope with her and dont get enough of a break she will get free respite every 3 months for a wk? sometimes I feel ill be dead before her.
So sad she was never a demanding person and was quite independent she would never have wanted to end up like this but I know when enough is enough and me feeling constantly ill is not good im miserable and thats no life!
So happy you got a new bra........ go girl!
the negativity, the neediness.
I also got my work review today; worst ever for me. I'm average-ish, or slightly below. What's most disappointing to me is that outside taking care of mom, work is the only thing that I do. Everything else in my life has been put on hold. So the one thing that I'm doing is below average. :-(
Regarding time frame, yep, this was/is temporary. Plan was that she would leave at the end of August, beginning of September. There's no physical reason why she can't go. She wants to wait until she "feels better". We recently talked about her leaving by Nov. 21. The talk was proceeded by me having a bit of a breakdown, but whatever. She will be out of my house by December 31, whatever it takes. But it is clear that things have changed and she will need more assistance help from my sister and I.
I NEVER would have agreed to anything other than a temporary situation. Also, my sister and I have a fair split. She does medical appointments and provides funds for respite for me (just started that).
On the bright side, I got a new bra today. Such a small thing, but it makes me feel that at least something is going right. I'm uplifted and supported. ;-)
Then another guy who looked very attractive on photo when I arrived he was quite ugly,sat down never even offered me a drink and said quite confidently "look I dont want to waste my time so lets get this out of the way now as its important I WANT KIDS DO YOU?" I said UGH NO WAY and ran for the hills!
Yep that was online dating for me but if I dont go out not that I dont wont to go out I just dont have anyone to go out with? maybe I should try it again i just cant put my photo up on a site as i worry about "weirdos" men are very visual and dont respond if theres no photo?
My sis has had alot of online dates over the past 6yrs and never met anyone just men looking for "no strings"
I may look into it again but still romance about "eyes meeting across a crowded room etc...." Im divorced 17yrs and havnt had a serious relationship since my ex of course met and married another woman within a year? men cant live 5mins on their own! LOL