The past week or so I've just felt so sad I can hardly stand it. My 84 year old dad is a great guy yet I just feel so tired of it all. The last three years was a mess taking care of then placing Mom with Alzheimer's. She passed away in Late February and now I feel like its happening all over again. Dad is only mobility impaired and frail and only slightly forgetful yet I just feel overwhelmed. I started a new job three weeks ago (big promotion from old job) and I thought getting out of that old employer would help. It didn't.
I now realize it was more home then work causing me stress. I've given up a lot to live here and take care of my folks and as the only heir I will admit I'm looking forward to the reward at the end of the tunnel (inheritance) even though I've given up far more in lost income then I will get from Dad. He's my Dad and I can't just leave.
Tonight I came home from work and tried to be in a good mood yet the smallest thing set me off and I said "I just don't give a damn anymore". I actually kicked a door in anger and just felt like exploding then crying. I'm not usually so out of control of my emotions.
I apologized to my Dad and he's ok with everything but things are not OK. I really feel like I'm dangling off a cliff and its gotten to the point where I've actually looked up Final Exit online and watched their YouTube videos. Not for Dad but for me! But of course that's not an option because I have to take care of him.
I've become so successful and well respected in my career and make a good living yet I feel so miserable. It's getting worse and worse. I wish I knew what to do.