Once or twice a week I find myself completely losing it with my dad. He is really disgusting in his personal hygiene habits, ravages the kitchen all night long for snacks (he is a diabetic), rarely acknowledges what we are doing for him, lies outright about many things, allows his daughter (by marriage/adoption) to totally rape his finances and doesn't even talk to her about it, allows her to come over unannounced and insult me and my husband and then gets made at US for defending ourselves. I know I am suffering from burnout, my other siblings do VERY little, if anything, toward my father's care and I find myself so angry and stressed out that I have nothing left for myself or my husband. I feel guilty all the time because I have ZERO respect for my father (never really have), but now it's even worse because we moved into his apartment to take care of him and he is continually resentful of anything we do, even though I have recouped THOUSANDS of dollars for him in insurance money, his daughter's thievery, selling things he no longer uses, etc. Can you relate?
You are NOT responsible for caring for your father. Unfortunately, by moving in with him, you have notified your siblings that, in fact, you are responsible.
I say, move out. Give to your father what you can and move on with your life.
I do understand. I, too, moved in and cared for my Mom and then it became WAY too difficult for me as I had a very demanding career at the time. When I did speak up to my siblings, it was unbelievably nasty because they simply did not want to be inconvenienced. Now my Mom is in assisted living and it is SO much better (and healthier).
You don't respect him and you wind up screaming at him a couple times a week and he continues behavior you don't approve of, while you feel guilty and angry and stressed out. Who is benefiting from all this?
He has a caregiver and a housekeeper. You can manage his financial affairs from any where.
Why are you living with him, when it clearly isn't working out?
Yes, it's true, we could move out and I have been thinking about it, but not until we find him 24/7 care that I feel comfortable with. I know it is my choice, but even though he lies, is irrational and illogical, he is still my father and I feel a sense of duty to at least make sure he is well cared for in his old age, and protected from harm of any sort (financial, emotional, physical).
My dad does not officially have dementia (yet), but he is getting more and more forgetful and unconscious about his life.
*sigh, I guess I should get off the pity pot.
Could you give more information about your dad's health and/or mental condition?
I hear ya on the no respect thing. I didn't have any for my mom. She didn't have dementia, she was just mean.