My Dad has dementia, and I am the primary caregiver. I have been doing this for over 2 years.
My brother lives nearby, and I was always close to him, but I have started to really feel resentful because it seems the only time he offers to help is when it's convenient for him..
He does help out as far as cutting the lawn, plowing snow etc, but when it comes to spending time with my Dad he has excuses.
I have tried to talk to him about this several times, and after each time he seems to do more, then it goes back to the same thing.
It seems I am always working around what he has going on, and months back I told him if he has something going on he needs to tell me so I can plan ahead as far as my work etc, since I am working around whats going on with him.
Well, last month was the final straw, even before then,( the end of May) I was suspicious because he was offering to help out more, and then my niece (his daughter) told me that he was "kissing up to me" because he and his girlfriend had plans to be gone for a week the end of June, and instead of telling me he put it on my my Dad's calendar, figuring that I would bring it up when I finally saw it.
I pondered how to handle it, so I confronted him and asked him why he didn't tell me, and he said that he knew I'd be upset and didn't know how to tell me. I said that it didn't show much respect for me, considering I had told him previously that I needed to know when he had something going on.
Then he said that I'm alway texting him trying to make him feel guilty,(though he admitted later that it was is own guilt), then brought up New Year's when I kept texting him to see if he was back ( i was concerned because I had to work and he wasn't back when he said he was gonna be) and asked me how I'd like it if I was "out having a good time" and he kept texting me. I said, tell when I'm ever out having a good time! Anyway, when he got back from his trip in June, he told me that he would take a couple days off from his work, so I could have a couple days off, well my idea of a "couple days off", is not 2 hours, 2 days in a row, it's 2 days, like maybe a couple saturdays, since we both work mon-fri, I never get a whole day off.
I am feeling really resentful, even though I hire a lady a couple times a week that gives me a little break at the end of the day, for a few hours but I go there and stay 6 nights out of the week.
Why is his life so much more important than mine?
My brother stops at my Dad's on his way to work each morning to get him oriented, but now with summer he doesn't want to be bothered in the evening, only when he doesn't have anything better to do, and I'm tired of always asking, and he never offers on a weekend, I'm at my wit's end, I don't like feeling like this, but I'm afraid that when my Dad is gone, I'm not gonna wanna have anything to do with my brother, any advice?