I've been Mom's primary caregiver for 5-1/2 years and I have been living in her home. She has Alzheimer's. At our last family meeting, all 3 of my sisters felt it was best for me to move out and we will play "tag" on caring for Mom. This all sounds great to me, but what about Mom? I found a little place and I am excited to get some freedom again. However, I feel most of my time will be spent on worrying about Mom and running back and forth to her home. My oldest sister instigated all of this, so I'll see how it pans out.

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Dear Sue,

I know you have already sacrificed a lot of your time and efforts taking care of your mom. After 5 and half years I'm sure you feel very burned out. I don't think providing "tag" team care is going to be good enough given your mom's condition. I know your sister wanted to help you and offered this suggestion.

Is there anyway your mom can move into assisted living or a nursing home? Memory care? Hire a caregiver to live with her round the clock if she wants to stay home? It doesn't sound like your mom should be left alone.

I know you've already done a lot for your mom. I think you have legitimate concerns about your oldest sister's idea. Please try talking to counselor, therapist or social worker about other options.

What does her doctor say about her living alone? And why do you think your older sister instigated this?
My mom has early stages of Dementia and her primary and neurological doctors said she can't live alone.
My father had Alzheimers and there's no way he could be left on his own.
Does your mom have valuable assets? If your answer is yes, my first thought is that perhaps your 'instigating' sister has the ulterior motive to move in with your mom to take control of the inheritance.

Thank you for your responses. When my oldest sister said we are to play "tag" for caring for Mom, she means someone staying at the house the entire time until the next sibling takes over. I don't see this going over too well with (1) Mom will be more confused; and (2) I can envision a lot of siblings backing out when it is their turn, and I don't want it to fall into my lap! ** I believe my oldest sister was jealous that I was living with mom and only paying for half the food and utlities, but not paying mom rent. (House is paid off.) I have my own retirement after 39 years of working. I think she thought that by me moving out it will put a dent in my pocket book. Yes, it will, but I am also buying my freedom. She has just turned into a grouchy person. And we used to be best friends. :-(

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