I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make her and me happy at the same time. One minute she is appologizing for treating me badly then she curses at me and calls me names. She has macular degeneration and cannot walk on her own. I know that is frustrating for her but..... She just cannot stay focused either. I guess I am just venting.
I am very sorry that you (and so many caregivers) are going through this. It is painful and sad and frustrating. If venting here helps, vent away! You are certainly among people who understand.
(And just incidentally, I doubt that the macular degeneration and mobility problems are as significant factors as the dementia. She can't stay focused. She just doesn't have the brain power to do that. And when she is a little clearer in her mind she knows she behaves badly and she apologizes. But when her mind is less clear she can't help herself.
I was reflecting just today, on a situation with my Mom that is along the lines of this subject. First I must tell you that my Mom was always tuff love but whenever I was truly sick she was all heart and love, as soon as I was better it was fend for yourself again.
So... one day, during my year of caring for Mom in my home.... I woke up with my monthly "P" , I was cramping, irritable, just feeling like everyone should go fly a kite and leave me alone. So I said to Mom, "I am not feeling well can we take it easy today, I just need to rest, I am just going to lay here (on the couch next to her bed." Mom say "I don't care, that's your problem!" I don't know why LOL but I was shocked, I should have expected that. I was hoping for sympathy I guess. I nearly started crying because I knew my Mom was "not there" for sure! Then just a few minutes went by and Mom looked at me and said "are you OK you don't look well, are you not feeling well?" Then she asked me if she could do anything, make me tea? get me an aspirin?, then she tucked the blanket in around me and said don't worry about me, I'll leave you alone and let you rest, when you need me let me know!" That's when I knew that her problem with me caring for her was an off balance of nature and she didn't like it that way. Since then she has told me "I am your Mother you are not mine!!!" So now when ever I try to take care of her and she tells me to leave her alone ...I translate that to .... "I love you!!!"