Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
well, I've got my phone call. And guess what? It seems my situation is not so rare. The information I need is being mailed out today. Then after looking over her options the social worker will come to my home and go over her options with her. He told me to take back the pain pills and dispense them to her as prescribed like I have done for the past two years. Then if she threatens to stop taking her medications again go straight to the court house and file a mental inquest warrant and have her hospitalized. And Nancy I will. I just called him and told him I put make up on today and he needs to take me to lunch. I have a 31 year old daughter who is visually and hearing impaired. She's off work tomorrow and she loves the zoo. So I'm taking her tomorrow and we' make a day of it. It's a start, right?
(57)
Report

Elisa, I think when someone tries to help a family member or friend who is self-destructive, drug addicted, mean, hateful AND doesn't want help, that person is going to lose the battle. You may as well be banging your head against the wall for all the good it's going to do. Your heart was in the right place for sure, but there's no shame in waving the white flag and getting the heck out of this situation. You and your family are going to get flushed down the toilet if you don't, so I agree with Jeanne when it comes to getting her out of your house, do whatever you have to do. Good luck, and when the dust finally settles, take a vacation with your wonderful husband will ya? He deserves it.
(33)
Report

Dear jeannegibbs, wow! Thanks so much for the wake up call. You are so right. This is my home. I let my husband read your reply. He just started laughing and asked if I was feeling as empowered as he was. So here I sit waiting for the phone call to be told exactly where to go. Over the years I've called crimes against seniors to get my sister removed from my moms home. She violated her parole and I actually found her for the u.s marshals and she went back to prison. My husband and I have been labeled the clean up crew. The same woman who helped me is now looking for the best agency for me to go to quickly resolve this. She told me she wasn't surprised. How could I have thought this could possibly work? So as soon as I get the phone call I'm dressed and ready to walk out the door.
(36)
Report

What I meant by 'how not to be in this world', I was refering to your mom.... they will learn that who and what she is in no way to be in the world...
(7)
Report

No Elisa, you have not let them down, but you have given them an oppurtunity to see how not to be in this world.... and you have shown them that you tried, that you made a choice to help, and you have shown them sometimes people refuse to be helped...there are wonderful long lasting lessons in this for your kids.... and it seems you are full of love and compassion, and that is what they will see and learn from.... and that there are truly ugly people in the world..... but you still give them a chance, until it causes more harm than good.... You are an awesome MOM... and never short change yourself for trying to do the right things for the right reasons..... But put her in a NH if at all possible... you do not have to subject yourself or your family to any more of this... You tried, that's all you can do.... Just try to use it as a teaching tool and no need to feel guilt, you are an awesome teacher for your children... God bless and I pray you find a solution quickly..... hugs to you...
(20)
Report

Let me tell you how I see it. Two years ago when you discovered that your mom was $2000 overdrawn on her account you decided "MY ONLY OPTION WAS TO MOVE HER IN." That was not your only option then. I am sorry that you did not do the research to discover other options, because you are not responsible for your mother's financial well-being or her happiness. You hoped that the outcome would be friendship. I am very sorry but not surprised that it didn't work out that way.

I will give you a lot of credit for trying very hard to not enable your mother's pain pill addiction. But then this woman you are trying to help and from whom you want acceptance and love blackmailed you and you gave her pain pills.

I give you gold stars for good intentions, and for effort. You are remarkable.

But in spite of your very real sacrifices this is not working out. It is time now to explore those other options and to make a drastic change. Your birth mother (she doesn't sound much like a Mom) needs to move out. It is your house. You make the rules about who lives there and who doesn't. Good bye, mother.

Call Social Services in your county. Explain that your indigent mother has been living with you, that it is not working out, and you need her to move out. Ask for their help in explaining to your mother what else is available to her. After a social worker has explained options to your mother, give her a certain limited time to make arrangements and move out.

She informed you that you "WOULD HAVE TO HAVE A JUDGE REMOVE HER FROM MY HOME" Well, if that's what she wants, that can be arranged, If necessary police can forcibly remove her from the house when you evict her. Let us hope it doesn't come to that, but make sure she knows that you know it is your house and that she has no right to stay there if you do not permit it.

This all may sound harsh. You are facing a harsh reality. I don't think you are going to solve it by asking "Please, mother, I think you'd better move out."

You tried to do the right thing for your mother. Gold stars to you. Now do the right thing for yourself, your husband, and your children.

Best wishes to you. Please let us know what you try and how things are working out.
(52)
Report

LADEE, I WOULDNT DARE HAVE POA. SHE OWES SO MANY PEOPLE MONEY AND SHE HASNT FILED TAXES IN YEARS. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE KIND WORDS. IVE FELT SO ALONE AND FEEL SUCH GUILT FOR WHAT THIS HAS PUT MY FAMILY THRU. MY HUSBAND IS AMAZING. I SHIELDED MY CHILDREN FROM MY MOM AND SISTERS THEIR WHOLE LIFE AND I FEEL LIKE IVE LET THEM DOWN.
(5)
Report

I have no information on how to get her out of your home, others will I am sure. But first let me say that you are one outstanding woman..... knowing what you knew and tried to help her anyway.....I just can't praise you enough... and yes, it's time for her to get out... how does she feel about going to a NH? Do you have POA nad MPOA? I know these things will help you to place her.... I am sorry I don't have more info, but I do have a ton of respect for you.... hugs.
(16)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Start a Discussion

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter