My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I hope your day improves. Sounds like you are at your edges. I don't mean that in a snarky way.
Sylvester, since several of us are being kind of childish here, haven't you ever heard "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" You'd respond to a negative comment about your mother with a blow from your fist? Hmmm ... I don't think that fits the playground rules.
You got as far as you have because you took charge. Don't drop the ball now, kick that mother into the end zone....no pun intended.
Has you mother finished her paperwork, the one she is whining about with needing more expenses? Help her fill it out and get it done. Hand deliver it to Spirit House. You don't need to give her anything she's not entitled to, you just need to get the bitch out of your house.
Get this show on the road! Lots of Love, Cattails
Where are we at in the process. Have the bank statements been obtained or is that still dragging on also? Do her bank statements come with copies of her checks included. No need to get copies of checks if you already have them with her statements. Is there a response date that has to be met with Spirit House; one that failure to meet will allow her potential room go to the next in line?
I'm not trying to push you here, but it might be to your advantage to look for her bank statements in her room. Hopefully she keeps those things.
911 is sounding better all the time. Love, Cattails
What's up with the housing process. Has it been confirmed yet.
Hugs and keep your chin up. Cattails
The agreement between mother (use her name) and myself (use your name) was for her to pay $xxx.00 monthly which was to cover housing and utilities. Then sign your name.
That should be enough for anyone. You are lying and she has what she wants.
Give her what she wants, a statement showing what she has paid. It will be very short, I'm sure, and not much trouble to pull together.
I'm sure Jane B is right. They want some verification of her income and expenses. Lisa, I'm hoping that you have not made any personal deposits into her checking account and that they only reflect her income and expenses.
FYI to everyone. Don't ever put money into a parents account to help them pay bills. Pay the bills personally and from your own checking account. Otherwise it can be counted as income for the parent.
Lisa, get the paperwork together and get it behind you. It's a pain, but count yourself lucky that you are not filing for Medicaid. They would want a five year review. So take a deep breath and get it done.
Another thing that Jane B said, "People all over the country are rooting for you." I tend to think of this site as a specific group of people and on a more intimate basis, but Jane B is right. People all over the country are rooting for you, we are carrying you on our shoulders, your daughters and your husband too. We can see the end coming; the ribbon breaking as you pass the end of the race and a happy ending for you and your lovely family. Can you hear the crowd roaring, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
Well, that's my heartfelt motivational speech for tonight. We love you, Lisa. You are a shinning example of someone who can change their circumstances. It's a breath of fresh air. Cattails.
STAY STRONG ;) Kim