My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I have to admit to feeling sorry for your mother. I doubt that one day in her youth she picked a four-leaf-clover and wished to be the way she is. But making you miserable isn't helping her a bit, so getting her out of there is more than justified.
Lisa -you ARE getting there - just a temporary setback - you know what your goals are, and you are working towards them, and they are happening, though not quite as fast as you had hoped. Take special care of yourself during this period, pamper yourself a bit, do some fun things, and yes, run through your house naked with your husband!!! You are reclaiming your life.
But , just a tip,, POA does not mean you are financially obligated to pay her debts. A medical POA means if she is incompetant, you make medical decisions on her behalf, but only when she becomes unable to do so, and a financial POA can make payments from her bank acct on her behalf. most banks have there own rules for a POA....Niether one ever makes you responsible for her debts
golf, - i think many here are "stress eating" and in doing so affecting their health now and in the future. I don't want type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and whatever comes from stress eating. It will likely affect your senior years. I am a senior and need to work to care for me, I still want to travel, and ride a horse again, I want to stay independent. To do that I have to be proactive about my health.
“Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.”
~ Michel de Montaigne
I've thrown out all the crap, and now keep a bag of almonds, sugarless gum and diet gingerale by my bed. Believe it or not it actually works! We need to love, and care for ourselves. I also went back to working with abused horses 3 days a week, and although it's ridiculously painful it gets me out into the fresh air. My work is gentling, and more inner healing so I don't stress my bones too much. The riding puts no stress on the painful joints, and it's so relaxing. Try to get outside a little. I empathasize with your need for "bandaids". We all have big boo-boos that are bleeding! LOVE YOURSELF
I love the mental picture of Doug running through the house, naked with a cape. Maybe you could get matching capes.
I am leaving Friday. Flying to visit my Granddaughter, Amanda, who lives in North Dakota. She is like my own child.....lots of history there. I have not been able to see her for the past four years. We talk all the time by phone. She's 22 and is getting married this August. I'm going to the bridal shop with her for her final fitting, checking out the venue for the reception, checking over the options for the meal service, going to the florist to get the scoop, and meeting the grooms family, etc.
She worked out an airline ticket for me this past Feb. for my birthday present. So we will be doing mom and daughter stuff, even though I am her Grandmother.
My dad is going to respite care tomorrow morning, so I will have the rest of the day to get my stuff together. I wish I wasn't so overweight and had hoped to start on WW earlier, but I am what I am and I know she doesn't care. Taking care of my dad just puts my ability to take care of myself on the back burner. Maybe I can shed a few pounds before the August wedding.
So there's a little more about me. Love to everyone, Cattails.
I hope Doug runs naked through the house. I think he should at least wear a cape like Superman though. He's certainly been one.