My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
You hung in there. You did everything right. We are so proud of you. I have tears in my eyes because it happened, and you didn't need to wait for a room to open up! She will never live in your home again.
Crying isn't just sadness. I think of it as emotional weather, same as a rain storm. It comes through and passes on. Nothing to worry about, it's not monsoon season. It's just life, getting better.
I've learned that when I *think* there are no other options but for me to sacrifice myself, what's really happening is that I am either refusing to look at the bigger picture or and simply don't realize that a bigger picture exists. I always think that my dad should be the one to change, but truly...the change starts with me. Changing my way of reacting to his *emergencies*; changing the way I allow myself to be manipulated; changing the way I solve problems related to him. And then creating barriers and saying what solutions I can offer him, but let him take it or leave it, rather than start a negotiation process. You are terribly tangled in his activities....start looking at how to untangle yourself and let him fend for himself if he really is able OR move the thing he *needs* you to do to other providers. Like Elisa, sounds like you've made a good start and as you can see from this thread, that first step can get you where you need to go. It might take time, though, so start TODAY. Best wishes.
Elisa social services will probably ask you to be her POA or legal guardian. You will not be financially responsible for her bills; no one can come after you for her bills. If you do become her legal guardian or POA just take her money and pay her current bills. I make all my dads decision for him medically and financially. You may be asked to do this as well. I would imagine because her judgment is not good with her pills, etc. she would need a guardian. This actually has turned out to be a good thing as I can keep him out of trouble (at least guide him) and a roof over his head. I pay his current bills and make his doctor apts. I take him to his apts. if I want too and if not I can ask the facility (I have not asked them to do that as of yet) where he lives to take him. But he has his own home and now I am not slaving over him to try and keep piece. There never was any piecefor my family we always walked on egg shells. Even though he has his own home he is still a lot of work but it is do able as of now. This option sounds like it might work for you. If you do get legal guardianship you will be tied to her and you will get the calls when she sick, misbehaving etc. It will not be over, it will be better though, much better.
Well, I'm slurping some coffee and will be heading to the airport in a couple of hours. I'll be thinking of you all and hoping the best. Talk to you Tuesday. Love and Hugs, Cattails.