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I did not know what narcissic behaivor was all about-I could now know what my mother was all about from reading about NB on this site-I could not have good feelings about my mother but I understood what she was all about and was able to detatch from her and her verbal abuse. I learned that how she acted was not ok and it had not been me being bad that sparked her anger it was her that was bad not me.
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Where is Lisa?
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The card you buy for an abusive parent is for you. If sending a generic card help minimize your unearned guilt, go for it. If it makes you feel justified and sincere to skip a card, by all means to that.

You deserve whatever it takes to feel even a tiny bit better. Do whatever works for you.
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Every year I had a hard time picking a warm and fuzzy card. Sometimes I would spend to much time at the card center. Back and forth, no not this one, nope not that one, nahh to mushy and so on.
It is simply sad that we go thru this.
Sharynmarie- Alzheimer now, well if that isn't something. Either way she was none incommunicado. The personality disorder that seems to be prevalent is called "Narcissistic behavior" I read so much on it that I definitely understand what my mother is all about. The eye opener was that it starts at 18 months of age. Now that was new to me. Anyone else read up on NB?
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I know what you mean Austin and Midwest and Pamelasue~I bought generic cards for my mother who has a personality disorder. I couldn't get funny cards because she has no sense of humor and the warm fuzzy cards just didn't work. Mom didn't care as long as long as she was acknowledged. She would make issues if we didn't take her out to lunch on her actual birthday or mother's day but...she had our birthday acknowledgements/parties on the nearest saturday when she was off work...so she taught us...whats the problem, we work too. Anyway....things have changed because mom has Alzheimer's and is mentally incapacitated. Her combativeness, and personality disorder characteristics are getting less as she progresses. It is sad..but dealing with her natural personality limited our contact with her. I would go with a thinking of you card and write on the inside Happy Birthday, thinking of you and sign it. Hugs to you all!!
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Pamela-Sue
I was almost not going to to do nothing, but then I had a change of heart and ran out and bought actually a funny card with some nonsense of "Relaxing" but nothing mushy or what a wonderful mother's love she exults. Nothing, just a few words and that's it. I feel good about it, even though she doesn't even deserve a card.
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Austin- How funny. I had a hard time finding one that would say as least as possible. Isn't this sad.
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I used to give the generic card, after the last round of abuse I realized that she did not feel bad about anything she did to me since she felt I deserved the abuse she heaped on me because she felt I was a 'bad child', but that I no longer felt guilty for not responding to her in any way. I realized that she deserved NOTHING from me, let alone the lie of a mothers day card. Sooo, she gets no card from me. No phone calls. NOTHING. She tried calling me a number of times and I told her that if she continued to attempt to make contact that I would consider it harassment and I would get a restraining order against her. I told her that after 52 years of abuse she and I were DONE. She has not tried since and the peace is blessed.

I pray for all the children like me. I pray that they can find the strength and the way to do the same. Abusive mothers deserve absolutely nothing from us. Not one damn thing. If they gave birth to us, it's only because they lacked either the money or the nerve to abort us and then punished us for the courage to stay alive.
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generic cards are great I gave them to the husband-could not find one that said-I really do not even like you but got as close to it as possible.
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Calicaregiver and 195Austin- I'm running out the door and buying a generic card.
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Mid do what your heart says if you feel you need to send a care there are generic one-believe me I found them -I am a KAW and I know what you are talking about-our Mom told my sister she was a mistake and me she put me down all the time and beat the crap out of me when I was young-and I was the one who stayed at the hospital for one whole week before her death-I was blessed to have great friends I could call-the hospital was 150 miles from where I live. If she knew I am wearing lots of her clothes now-I can just imagine what she would say-that kind of abuse changes who we are later in life-if you need to detatch from her I would agree with you.
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No matter what, shes still your mother. She gave you life, and took some of it away from you too it seems. When she is finally gone, you will never have another chance to wish her HMD. Be the better person, and have no guilt or baggage later when can no longer say HMD. send her a generic card, and don't attach the warm and fuzziness greeting that you're not feeling. Just "give" her what you can, and nothing more. Good luck, and you sound so battered. My heart goes out to you so much,
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To All
Been reading for the last 2.5 days. The entire thread. It amazes me how we as adult children suffer the abuse that these parents bestow upon us.
I had my mother stay with me for 2 months in California and I just about lost it. I needed to vent and see if I was the only adult daughter who was having such difficulties with a parent and I found this site. I also started a blog: "adult daughters of narcissistic mothers." It's all about them.
I finally cut the ties. My mother went back to Chicago and I don't call her. She calls me. She leaves voice messages, as to "Why I don't talk to her?" She has to be in such denial.
I have heard the same ugly words that Lisa has and I was physically abused as well.
My mother left in January 2012 and I'm still working thru the hurt, the rejection and trying to make piece within myself. I don't think I will shed a tear when she dies. She was mean and nasty to me. She wants to blame it on age and her illness. No dice. She always was mean spirited, all her life.
I have been reading all the post and I was in my PJ's yesterday all day. Got coffee, read, made breakfast and had it on my desk while reading. Lunch, reading, reading and reading......finally I had to run and meet a friend for dinner, came back and started reading more............. Lisa..... I have been there where you'v been, my only problem has been that in the last 12 years since I divorced I have been on my own. My ex was great at being my buffer from my Mother. You still have Dough.
Distance is the only way I know how to handle my situation. The less contact the better. It makes me sad because I really don't have anyone. My children are in another state and they have disconnected them self from my mother. She was over bearing and demanding to a point that my kids fled from her.
Like you, I believe I'm still in the mids because she is still alive and I don't know how this will play out, but for now I'm keeping my distance. I have an Uncle, her brother he is keeping me informed via my Aunt.
Ahhh Mothers Day, I'm struggling with Mothers Day. I ask myself do I call or send a card? Or do nothing. I don't have the warm and fuzzy feeling and yet I feel guilty. She instilled guilt in me. This woman said to me twice in my life time: "I wish you were never born, you bastard." Once when I was 17 yrs old and the other time, December 29th, 2012 and I'm 63 years old. Can you imagine? What possess a mother to be so hateful to her child. I'm her only child. I'm numb.
I can go on and on, but I know all of you know that we have mothers from hell. We just have to deal with it.
Other than that, I want to say I have enjoyed all of you giving your input and then some.
I do have a blog on here and I have communicated with some Ladies and Gentlemen, they were wonderful and I just have been laying low and working on myself.
God is good.
Question:
To call, send card for Mothers Day? Or do absolutely nothing? And what do the Kick Ass Girls say?
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Joan well said Lisa is a winner-at ,least my mother did say thank you June for a glass of water before her stroke-I was the last person she talked to before her death.
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angiiii - if you read back through the thread you will see that Survived2 made the calls and arranged to have her mother placed elsewhere quite some time ago. She took control, and did, and still does what is necessary to protect herself and her family, and see that her mother has the best care available. You need not feel sorry for her - she is a winner!
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Have a frank talk and tell her behave or she has to go to another family member or into care.
Rules is rules my darling, and if she breaks them and is anti-social, well, pack it in.
We are not saints, we are humans who have a threshold point, and why put yourself in a box over this appalling behaviour.
Many of these old people would have died through all kinds of other illnesses and doctors can sometimes do too much.
Many do not wish to continue to live as well.
I really feel sorry for you, but you need to take control, if she behaves like a child, then you have to tell her you too will have to treat her like a child.
If that all fails, make the call, and say you have had enough....
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i'm heading down the same road soon and will use this info for sure
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Karen, Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Cathorn
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Thank you Pamela, I have been wondering the same, How is everyone doing?
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Lisa, are you OK?
Karen, are you getting through this at least semi OK?
Jeanne, I am glad to see you posting, you always give such great advice! But how are You doing?

Praying for all my KAW friends and sending love.
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I know she had an older sister living with her.
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Pamula thank you for letting us know-I hope all the sibs were able to be there.
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(Bookworm) Karen's mom passed on in her sleep sometime last night. She noted it on her profile and I just picked up on it about 15 minutes ago. Prayers.
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oh Jeanne, i'm sorry. i wish i were there to hug you. i know that the year ahead will be filled with days like this. Did anyone send you a card today?
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Today is Coy's birthday. I'm sad.
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Thinking of you today Lisa and lifting you and your family in prayer.
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Lisa I am smiling, wishing you sweet dreams during nap times and even better waking moments. The giggles in an icu help everybody there---even your mom, somehow, some way. I believe they even help your mom somehow.
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Have a magical time cat!!! Make some great memories!!!
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Lisa: Heading to the airport. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hugs, Cat
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I hope the best for you and yes those fits of giggles are good for the soul. Get in your nap as you deserve it.
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