My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Another suggestion would be that you start at the beginning of this "thread" that Lisa (Survived2) started and follow her journey. Most of us here took that journey with her, trying to be supportive and loving, while she and her wonderful family made changes in their lives and moved her mom out of their home. It's a very inspiring story and a very good read.
As for your question, clearly a problem exists. Your mom lives with you, she has dementia, and your sisters take most if not all of her money. Plus, your mom complains that she doesn't like living with you.
You really can't reason with a person who has dementia and you can't reason with sisters who take advantage of her. What you can do is set limits to what you will tolerate. If I were you, I would call Adult Protective Services and explain what is going on. Ask them to come to your home and interview your mom. Have them ask her about her money and her concerns that it is being stolen. Don't give your sisters any advance warning that you are calling APS and arranging for them to interview your mom.
My hope would be that APS can see your mom's confusion about where her money is going and take some steps to then interview your sisters as to what they are doing with her money.
Is your mom getting good medical care? Has a doctor diagnosed her with dementia? Have you gone to any medical appointments with her and sat in on them, getting a clear understanding of her medical issues? Or does you sister with the Medical POA keep you out of the loop?
My concern is first that your mom is being victimized by two of your sisters and second that mom and your sisters are making your life very difficult. No on can change this but you.
It's your house and you have the right to say what goes on in your home. If you are seeing abuse you should be reporting it. This may upset your sisters and maybe even mom will be upset eventually as your sisters will probably tell her unkind things about you.
It's not easy, but you have to consider taking steps or just living this life day in and day out. It won't change until something changes. If your mom truly has dementia and it surely sounds like she does, her medical issues will only get worse.
I don't know if she has always been mean to you or if this is a result of the dementia and confusion. Regardless, she needs to see a specialist who truly understands dementia. Possibly there are some drugs that can lessen her symptoms. She also needs a new POA for finances and medical.
Those are my beginning thoughts. More information from you would be helpful.
Cat
I am happy to hear you have more help now and that your mother's dr. is checking out why her bp is low. My sis has low bp and her energy level is low because the more active she is (walking around) the lower it goes. No real answers as to why other than possibly due to diabetes nerve damage. She passed out in a store once because of it, luckily another customer was a paramedic off duty so he helped her. She just has to monitor her activity level since medication doesn't seem to work for her. She does take a steroid which helps but not all the time and she also drinks diet pepsi with caffeine which helps but again not all the time. I hope the dr. finds something to help your mother. Hugs to you and have a great weekend!!
Cat
Wow! I have so many blessings to be thankful for this holiday season. Sooo...
I'm thankful for my Doug Beth Jenny and Chris. I'm thankful for my big ford family and so very grateful that Mary is here and getting stronger every day! I'm grateful that our holidays will be full of love and sharing without the hate and meaness of the past couple of years.
Last but not least. I am so grateful that god thru me in the path of beautiful, loving, compassionate women who helped guide my family back to who we were. A family that for a time was shattered. You women were the glue that healed us.
Everyone hold close the ones who love you most. Such a precious thing. We fords wish you the very best thanksgiving, and so love each and everyone of you!!!! Lisa
And Cat, I'm grateful that I'm a US citizen, too! Of course, if my people had their way, I will supposedly reject our US citizenship and embrace our heritage. I don't think so!!! You all Take care! Book
Hope everyone can have a good turkey day. Doesn't have to be on Thursday and most of all, it's just a time to be truly grateful.
Maybe we should just start posting things we are grateful for and acknowledge that no matter what is happening in our lives, we are fortunate in many ways. Sometimes I'm just grateful that I was born in the US. Didn't earn it, just happened that way. Think of all the places we could be; in Africa, Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan; the list goes on. Worst case scenario, I'll be here and safe.
Wishing you all safety and love. Cat
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone enjoy your families and friends.