My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Love you, Cat
Leading the service? Way to go, Jeanne! You are many good things, and one of those is courageous. My prayers are with you and will continue, especially for Sunday afternoon. This is a very special time for you and for all your family. I know you will do an excellent job, as you have all along. Breaking down is OK.
diavalon -sounds like it was lovely
cat - I know and thanks :)
sharyn - this time it was the feelings triggered by G walking past me in the hotel to respond to a coworker. His company discourages partners from coming along. He had already asked his boss, who was not in favour, but G decided that we would take the chance, as his hours have been so long and we have had little time together. but play it safe, so I mostly stayed out of the way. However this happened and it brought up all the feelings of rejection I had that summer. I am glad I realised. I had my bags packed and was ready to get a room of my own before it clicked. I knew he had to do what he did, and in no way does he reject me, and I knew I was overeacting - that is the symptom - overreaction. I think what you experienced was the same kind of thing, otherwise you would be able to brush off your picky supervisor more easily. Other times, I can almost hear mother's voice, but I wouldn;t say I have ever completely relived an episode with her, though I can recall scenes. With Gordie, I get flashbacks of scenes and feelings.
Lisa, it is sad and scary. Hope ray is OK,
austin - I can imagine your emotions are all over the place. Glad no one came up saying how wonderful she was. Talking with someone may help. It was what it was, and it is what it is. You still have the experiences/memories to deal with, and the harm from her lifetime. It doesn't go away when they die. I am sorry you had such flashbacks and nightmares after your husband died.
On a light note, I had something I wanted to tell G when he was at breakfast with his team the first morning, so I wrote it in a note and asked the head waitress to give it to him. It was a compliment, so he read it and smiled (I hid behind a post and watched, and felt like a teenager). later he told me he got teased by the guys who said he had ony been there over night and someone was sending him notes already. The waitresses were intrigued, so I had to tell them and they were very friendly, and one asked if i was coming back, and made note of my name. The hostess and I talked clothes and what else but -nail pollish!!!!!
We are at my friends now, had a lovely supper - trout fillets covered with walnuts and banana!!! and a great veggie stir fry. Niagara Falls tomorrow, a "block party" Saturday, and home Sunday. Hopefully a slide show of Barbados sometme, and a game of bridge. Great having a little holiday with my man.
Love and ((((((((hugs)))))))) to all Joan
Still sitiing here with ray. I was able to hook up to the dr office wifi. Whoda thunk??? They just took him back for the fourth time. called Mary to let her know dr still hasn't gotten all the cancer. Need more tissue. She proceeded to tell me how sorry she is and she hopes I'm ok. Still makes me catch my breath. It took a few minutes talking, then she remembered to ask about ray. So I just repeated what we talked about. This is so dam scary. Love to all!!!!
Jeanne~The service will be a beautiful tribute to your husband's life and your marriage. Sending you and your family hugs and will be thinking of you!!
Lisa: Hope things go well for Ray this morning. Let us know.
Joan: I've got your back too. Hugs!!!!!
this is your final farwell. God bless and do what you feel is best.
~~~~
I just talked to the funeral home person. She asked who will be conducting the memorial service. I told her I would. She said, "No, I mean who will do the speaking?" I assured her that I would lead the service and that other family members would share memories. She tried to talk me out of that. She reminded me that this will be a very emotional time and that I might break down. Yup, could happen. But I'm doing it.
Be thinking of me on Sunday afternoon, please!
Hope Rays surgery goes well, Good for all of you staying there to see him through the bandage changing. I will pray for no skin grafts too,
cat -she is a mail lady and I wouldn't jump her in anything -the first decent mailperson we have had in a long time.
I got hit by a flashback to my mother and my sister walking past me in the street and refusing to acknowledge me - still haven't caught my breath. This PTSD stuff is hard to get rid of. Anyone got any ideas how to do that? Wish life was less complicated sometimes. (((((hugs))) to all
Went into work this morning and was put on a route with a new driver. We have a woman who we have all suspected is unstable. Her behavior has escalated over the last year. She was out of control screaming at the kids yesterday afternoon. Our new driver came in after the run and told our boss most were crying when they exited the bus. She has been grounded pending an investigation. This is not the first time I've been taken from another run to ride with the children she's treated so badly. I know all of these children, and they poured their hearts out to me. So I could only go in and recommend that this is beyond my expertise and they need to get the counsellor at school to have them all together with her and discuss their fears. These kids love me, and I saw the complete trust in their eyes when I told them she will never treat them this way again. Lord, what a shitty day. My friend will ride in my place tomorrow who the kids also love and trust. Can't wait to see them Friday. So hey, send a little prayer rays way that this procedure is fast and no skin grafts? Love you all!!!!
Glad you have recovered and enjoying your time in Toronto. Keep having fun!!!!
Love you, Cat
Keeping away from mom this week cuz I have bronchitis/sinus infection and while my new computer was delivered today, I am as excited as I can be but my energy level is like a wet paper bag stuck to the side walk on a windy day...no chance it will fly in the wind, Lol!! Gonna go have some chicken noodle soup and take a nap. Have a good day everyone!!
jeanne so good to see you posting still. You have such valuable contributions,
austin you too, where's kimbee, book? pam, judy - u maniac! - punch, sharyn and everyone I have forgotten but not intentionally
I have been on another trip - 5 HTP which is supposed to help fibro, suppress appetite and help you be calm and sleep better - I wanted to eat everything that wasn't moving, became very emotional and anxious, and it did not help me sleep -sent G about 20 texts, and nearly broke up with him, and then got extremely horney -OMG u have no idea, and at my age!!! Almost worth it for that, though G was stuck off in the boondocks somewhere. Apparently I have no shame lol. As he said - "Timing is everything". I stopped taking them and within 24 hrs suddenly realised I had not been in my right mind, but was again. One benefit thoug, it did, in fact, bring up some feelings I needed to deal with, and I have. I apologised profusely to G who said he is going to burn all my pills. Toronto is snow-less thankfully, the pool and whirlpool are good, and I am relaxing. having a good time, Who ever thought 75 was going to be like this? Not me!
have a good one everyone - if I am giving TMI just let me know! Gotta have a little fun in life. ;)
Lisa you are a marvel. love how u helped that little girl and her mother.
typing the the dark here - G has an early morning - ,more tomorrow Love and hugs J
Austin, great memory. I love it when I see students thru ele and they see me at their middle school and holler, hey ms Lisa!! The feeling is indescribable.
Judy: boring? You????? Snicker snicker snort snort
Jeanne!!! Wonderful to hear your voice. I so love hearing wonderful memories from others who have lost loved ones. There dosen't one family gathering that I can remember that someone dosen't bring up memories of granny ford and grandma rose. So imma gonna share one bout granny ford. Doug and I went to the family reunion for the first time as a married couple. Granny ford used to walk the food line so she knew she had talked to and held the hand of every family member. She came to Doug and I and put a hand on each side of my face and said "honey, when will my next great grandchild be here?" my first reaction was embarrassment. Oh lord, my stomachs fat. Then dougs cousins started laughing and congratulating us. I just kept trying to explain to everyone thru the day. IM NOT PREGNANT. Went home, made the appt. I WAS PREGNANT. 7 weeks. We went to ray and marys that evening to tell them. Rays reaction? Well girl, mom told you a baby was coming. Still gives me the chills when I think of it.
There's my rambling thought. So glad yur here Jeanne. I hope you are doing well. Love all of you!!
Joan and everyone, where are you????
Austin: What a sweet and touching memory. That you remember their names says it all. Glad you had them in your life.
Judy: Blue eyes are never boring and neither are you.
Cat