My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I had a special treat when a friend of Gordie's from high school days 15 yrs ago came on face book and wrote "Hi Mom". I hadn't had contact with him in years, and had often wondered how he was. We helped him out a bit at that time. It was great hearing from him, and I have invited him to visit and tell us about his adventures. He was a missionary for quite a while, and also volunteered in the Israeli army. Dinner last night with Penny and Dave was great, and we loved Les Miserables. Gordie played JeanValjean in his high school production, which I unfortunately was not able to attend. It always is special for me. Gary's two grandsons arrived safely. His daughter didn't need to be induced. The baby was 7 lbs 13. Christmas Festivities are continuing with supper here tomorrow night and at dd's Friday, then the dinner theatre.. We tend to do things after rather than before. New Years will be quiet as far as I know.
Waiting to hear how everyone else did. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our house too.
Joan: Sounds like you are busy. You take care and enjoy your time with friends and family. I'm all for a quiet new years.
Love to all, Cat
Several pages back a couple of you were discussing taking pride in your appearance. Well, I mostly take pleasure in my comfort, and since I've worked at home for a few years my wardrobe consists of rag-tag t-shirts and pull-on pants. Inspired by your conversation, I decided to upgrade my closet contents. I've been watching sales and buying cotton knit shirts that don't look like the leftovers from a church rummage sale. They are nice and long so they cover my bulging belly. I don't have to tug them down when I open the door to a delivery and I'm not embarrassed if I run into a neighbor at the local Target.
So, the very first time I wore the purple with a beaded neckline I got a grease stain on my left breast. And the very first time I wore the royal blue with the reindeer I got a grease stain right below his hoof. Arghhh ... this, I remember, is why my wardrobe looks shabby. I tried a great stain remover on the inside hem of the blue shirt. Seemed OK. I tried it on the stain and now I have a big bleached spot with a grease stain in the middle. Sigh.
But, and here is my holiday gift to all of you, I discovered a nifty way to remove food grease from cotton knits -- Dawn dish detergent! First wet the stain, then work up a little lather with Dawn, rinse, and wash garment as usual. I was sitting in a restaurant in my stain-free purple shirt last week, thinking of how glad I was to find that tip and I dropped oil and vinegar dressing on my chest. So I had a second chance to try the remedy and it does work! WooHoo! (If you are not sloppy yourself, maybe this will come in handy with your loved one's clothes.)
This reminds me of my mother, who is notorious for getting food on her clothing. On a nice summer day she and I took visiting relatives on a day's outing. We ate in a nice river-front restaurant and we all teased Ma for wearing a white outfit and ordering spaghetti. "You know you are going to wind up wearing that spaghetti sauce!" So she tucked paper napkins into her belt and under her chin. The waitress got into the act and brought extra napkins. It was pretty funny. When we finished and she pulled all the napkins off she said, "See, my white clothes are spotless." And then she stepped away from the table and revealed tomato sauce on her nice white tennis shoes!
See? I come by it honestly.
I've had some bad days last week. I'm doing a little better now.
nice to see you post, janeb and sorry about your dad
cat - I know you will have a lot of memories this season, and going into the next year
I remember the first New Year after Gordie died. I didn't want a new year to start without him.
jeanne - good for you for working on your appearance. Purple with beaded neckline sounds right up my alley - so does getting food on your clothes -especially shirts. I used to blame the kids when they were little, but had to stop that as they grew up, and own my own "spillpower". I like the story about your mum. Dish detergent works for quite a few things - my first "go to" usually. I consider myelf an expert in stain removal, between myself and the 4 kids. Another thing that works on grease stains is talcum powder. Shake some on, rub it in, and let it sit, and absorb the grease, rub it off with a cloth and repeat as needed. Then launder. Talc has saved many a day, and shirt for me.
Sorry about the bad days, but I know they come with the territory, and I am glad you are doing a little better now. I thought of you and Coy when we were at the dinner theatre and toasted you silently with my glass of white wine, It was a great show . At one point I felt like getting up and dancing in the aisles, as the music was so "rousing". The suite that came with the dinner theatre package was very nice indeed, and we both enjoyed it all thoroughly. What I could eat was very limited, of course, but a chef prepared me a lovely plate of salmon, and steamed veg, and told me next time to let them know in advance. Gary said the carrot cake was the best he had ever had. It was a great weekend other than arriving at the hotel to16 crazy emails from my narcissistic mum who, of course, wanted to be up front and center, and couldn't let us have a quiet few days to ourselves. More on that later.
Thinking of you all - Lisa -you had a great birthday and Christmas. I am so glad. Austin you are quiet. I know you have a lot on your mind, jude (((((((hugs))))))), everyone - here's hoping the new year brings good things to everyone
Love (((((((hugs))))))) and prayers -- Joan
18 in all for this go around and just in time with middle son and wife making annoucement that we will add to our family come the end of July. Yes girls I'm about to be grandma again for the 9th time. I had my husband and youngest son create a table we I thought would seat all of us 12ft. Well it was tight and we decided that it must be at least 14 feet. Good thing it was constructed from plywood that was planned to be used for other things anyway. Christmas was great but missed the rest of the loved ones. 2013 will be great!!
I will attempt to set a better fashion example in the New Year. Good timing as I just happened to start reorganizing my closet the other day. Some stuff to Goodwill, some to the garbage. Things that are too small, got put in drawers and what's left is a bit pathetic. Arrrgg. I have my work cut out for me. Too bad talcum powder can't suck the fat off my ass.
Lisa: Good for you on the weight loss. I'm really happy for you!!!!! Keeping the pil's in my prayers.
Joan: I knew you would be all over Jeanne's purple top and beaded neckline. You definitely know a good thing when you hear it. I'm so happy you have a good time at the theatre trip.
Diavalon: Glad your family is growing and you are able to spend time with them. That's awesome!!!!!
Wishing everyone a 2013 filled with peace, white light, a smaller mid section and an improved eye for fashion.
Love and Hugs, Cattails
Congratulations, Lisa, on losing 19 lbs. That is great!!! Prayers for Ray and Mary. I agree that Ray is very courageous.
Cat, you made me laugh with the comment about talc and your ass. LOL
Jeanne - hope you try the talc - on your clothes!!! I take some with me when I travel!
Diavalon -I agree with cat - great to be able to spend time with family
missing Kimbee -we will have to send out the scouts
jude and austin - u r quiet
Anyone making New Years resolutions? Mother was an A1 DQ over the weekend we went to the dinner theatre. Anything to be the centre of attention, spoil our fun (she didn't succeed) and throw out some accusations and nasty remarks. I have decided that I will answer them, and warn her if she continues to do this I will drop POA. It is too stressful for me. I know she will act innocent, but it is there in writing - 16 emails worth.. She wanted to see me, but not Gary when we were down there, and only see me if I would hear about her problems. Well, she didn't get a visit at all. I know all her problems.. She is trying to divide G and I - not going to happen. I will continue to discuss things with him. She doesn't like that. He has also given her some good advice -which she asked for, but she doesn't like that either. In fact, she will never forgive you for giving her good advice because it shows that she was not right, and not in control. I very much doubt that she will respect these boundaries, but, at least, it is her choice.
I am planning that this year will be better than last year - not that last year was bad, but this year will be better. - that's my resolution!
One of the lads who did renovations a few years ago called me a few months ago for a room. I told him yes, if he will finish off some things he left undone. Then, if all goes well, he can do some work in the basement, as it needs it. Can't say I am looking forward to having someone working in my house again, but it needs to be done and he is easy to get along with, and Gary is too busy to do it.
Wishing a better year for everyone -in some aspect of your lives.
♥ and hugs - Joan
I second Joan's motion ... let's all have a better year, in some aspects of our lives.
OK, KAW, let's start posting on Lisa's thread about getting our shit together this year. It's about our health!!!!!! Are you listening. Our health and our well being. How about exercise. Jeanne, you might have to join a gym as the winter weather in your area is so difficult. Same here in the Pacific Northwest. The winter is just so unpredictable that a gym membership is a good thing in the winter.
Let's support each other as best we can.
I hope people are posting on Kimbee's wall. I haven't as I am just a poop consumed with my little sphere, but I know she is missing and I am worried about Kimbee and her mom.
Love to you all, Cat
It goes to the lab now to check for cancer cells. If there are cancer or pre-cancer cells, it should come out, but of course it is already out, so the difference knowing would make is how soon I should have another colonsocopy.
I'm really pleased. The year isn't even a week old and the cause of my anemia has been discovered and removed. I hope that gives me a little more pep this year.
And the spine clinic called to see how my sciatica was and I told them the pain med was working fine but I wanted a referral to physical therapy again, because I dropped the exercises while I had something else going on in my life and now I wanted to resume them and I wanted to be sure I was doing them right. So that process is underway.
I've got plenty of little health projects to work on to keep me going all year. And I'm off to a good start!
It's only Jan 3rd, Jeanne. I can't imagine who you will amaze by the time Feb. 3rd roles around. By the end of 2013, you will have turned the clock back 20 years and your tuna cans will be sparkling in the disco theatre. You rock!!!!
Seriously, I admire you taking on the cause of your own personal health. You inspire me to do the same and I need some inspiration so please keep posting about how we can take care of ourselves.
Sending you love, white light and my heartfelt appreciation that you share with us on Lisa's thread.
Cat
If a tattooist would use the same happy med the gastro doctor used, I'd consider a tattoo on my shoulder.
I know I have gained about 5 lbs. though I haven't stepped on the scales for a month or so..Between trying to eat to deal with the candida, (the right kind of carbs), and trying to eat to optimise my serotonin levels, (which also requires carbs at certain times), and avoiding gluten and dairy, it is about impossible to meet all needs..The only way I can lose weight is to cut carbs, or cut calories in general and be hungry all the time. I don't do the latter very well.
Jeanne, so glad the polyp is gone and with that the anemia will improve, and, hopefully your energy levels, I never had a colonoscopy. None of the 1/2 doz or so doctors I have had here ever suggested one. My daughter who had one, suggested that I should too. I checked the internet and found that over age 75 they are not much use unless you have risk factors and I don't. Works for me. Hope you are as successful reaching your next goal.
Speaking fo tattoos, I want to have eyeliner and eyebrows tattoed on, and wake up gorgeous LOL! Heck, give me a permanent smoky eye!
cat - I posted a bit on Kimbee's wall but no answer -yet. I am concerned about her. Have you tried the shiritaki noodles - no carbs, not the same as regular, but can't have everything.
lisa -great that you are continuing with the weight loss. Better health for everyone this year!!!!
My efforts for better health are in the area of drawing stricter boundaries between me and mother. I am still not over that bug I got, and my guts are acting up a bit since mother's barrage of emails.. I don't need the stress. I have written a letter to her, and will reread in a day or two and maybe make some changes before I send it. What ever else I do or don't do, I will be taking a significant break from her. My email program can blocked her emails. If it is anything really serious, the ALF and/or a hospital will call.
jude -thinking about you and your family, and wondering how all are.
♥, hugs and prayers
I think this cousin is an interesting case study regarding the explosion of elderly folks. His father died of a heart attack in his mid sixties. My cousin has kept himself very fit. He inherited his father's heart problems but he now has a stent to overcome some cardio problems. He might have died of colon cancer by now, but diagnostic tools caught it early and he's fine. He is already ten years past the age his father died, and may well be on his way to reaching his mother's age (100). We've always had a small percentage of the population living into their 80s and 90s -- now it is routine. The diagnostic tools and the corrective procedures are expensive, and the chronic conditions such as dementia for which we have no good corrective measures are hideously expensive. But, ready or not, our society suddenly has to deal with a huge boom in the elderly population.
Yes. longevity is increasing. I don't think the medical system is ready for it, but, as you say, it will come anyway.
My defense against disease has always been a good lifestyle, although I do get check ups and the recommended tests (fairly) regularly.
I think we all here are agreed that we need to take better care of ourselves, in which ever ways we can.
I am so glad that no one suggested that my husband have this test after he developed dementia. I would have refused, but his smart geriatrician just saved me the stress.
Medical science may not be quite up to the challenge of an aging population, but it is leaps and bounds ahead of social science. Our "elder laws" are a hodge podge that developed partly with the concern of collecting appropriate taxes and making sure the elder didn't cheat the government and partly in concern for the elderly and with very little oversight and no comprehensive plan at all for dealing with a large portion of the population. Retirement plans were not set up to support people for 30 years after they stop working.
In any case, it sounds like you do an excellent job of maintaining your own health, and I am sure the hardest aspect of that is protecting yourself from your toxic mother! Hang in there! You are going great.
Austin: My heart goes out to you. Don't let all the things you can't control get you to far down. Take time for yourself and be kind to yourself. Can you join a book club or go to a gym class. Something positive that reminds you that the world has many voices and some of them are wonderful to listen too.
My very dear friend who lived up the street from me, my daily walking partner, leaves for Alaska on the 9th. We took a long walk this morning, not on our street because it was too sad, and then went to a great coffee shop and chatted by the fire.
When I think about it, my dad passed on Sept. 24th. My nephew committed suicide in October and we spent a week with Rick and Cyn in early November for the service. Kathy, my friend, sold her house during this time also, and was moved out before Thanksgiving. (Although she has been living with local friends of ours for the past weeks) Sure has been a stream of sad events.
But there are good things too. The holidays are over. Kathy, Warren and I had a great New Years Eve dinner at the Dockside. I had a great walk with her today and mentioned that there are some fantastic places to stay via VRBO (Vacation Rentals by Owner). Had just looked at one in France on the Cote de sur. Unbelievable home overlooking the Mediterranean where a group of us could meet for a wonderful vacation together. Plenty of room for everyone to have their space, but so reasonable in price when it is a group. Awe, it's fun to think if possibilities.
Well, here's a reality. Our 40th wedding anniversary is March 17th and we are going to Maui. I've never been to Hawaii and being on the West coast it is a good place to go. Have to get my fat ass to weight watchers and get back on an exercise or walking schedule. Probably going to do a gym as the weather is not always conducive to walking right now. God, Joan, I wish that talcum powder worked on body fat.
OK ladies, no group tattoos before April 1st. Jeanne, so glad your golden nugget was non-cancerous; that is seriously good news. Austin, you take care. Joan, ignore your mom.
Love all of you. Cat
I totally agree that a colonoscopy for Coy would not have been a good thing.
Re retirement, I made my own plan, and think we all should. Coming from a family whose members live into the 90s (at least) I decided I had to plan for that. My pension plan was not that good, so I optimized it by working past age 70, and made some other adjustments. I believe everyone should take responsibility for their own retirement - working together with plans, of course. I went to a "retirement" seminar a few years ago, and the speaker approached me and asked what I thought about their plan. I said I had my own, and it was working. He asked if I was interested in joining the group. No thanks.
Cat -you have had a lot of changes/losses. Glad you had a good walk and talk with Kathy, and that you can see the good things, . The Mediterrenean sounds wonderful, and so does Maui. I know there are great possibilities for rentals for a group overseas. I want a villa in Tuscany! Am I allowed my eyeliner before April 1st? I should get it done before G and I go for fun in the sun somewhere warm, but that doesn't give me much time.
Hope others will join in and let us know how you and your year are shaping up
And to end on a happy note, bigger is better. The latest research shows that those whose BMI`s (body mass index) are in the overweight, but not obese category, live longer than those in what is now called the `normal`range. YAY!!!!
I have to correct a statement I made above about being healthy. Yes. my lab tests are OK, but last night it became evident that the "safe" med I am on for the candida is not doing its job any more. I thought I would be able to use it till the infection was gone. I also thought the fatigue was this cold, but then I got gut cramps, so I took one of the pills I had used before, not entirely liver friendly, but I need a port in this storm. It seems the bugs can get resistant to any of the antifungals, and that has happened to the safe stuff. Darn!!! I was doing so well, and thought I would be off the meds this year!!!
I am assuming it is a temporary setback, and emailed the specialist, and told her I had switched drugs, and will call her if I do not hear from her by noon. Some people rotate between one and the other. I will see what she says. I felt fine on this drug too, and liver tests were OK. So the battle is on again. However, I am amazed and encouraged how quickly I felt better. By the middle of the night I did some cleaning in the kitchen, Today I cleaned the fireplace door, and the oven, and separated meat and bones etc from the turkey carcass, did a little laundry and made some cranberry sauce. The broth is cooling so I can take the fat off, the bones are boiling again on the stove with a little vinegar to get the calcium out. Bone broth is supposed to be healing to the gut, and also makes up for the dairy I cannot eat. Thawing some moose for stew tomorrow, amd looking for something to do before I go to bed.Maybe I will clean the drawers in the frig. They always need it. I don't feel like doing floors.
Here to Eternity - hmmmm - works for me! :) We will have to find a secluded beach...Who ever thought 75 would be like this? It is quite a mixture - romance and the runs LOL nite all!