My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
As you and cat saw on Facebook, I took Doug and Jen wine tasting. I learned a valuable lesson. Take them straight home and never stop at walmart first. Good grief! They had people laughing in the grocery aisles. Even explained to a few people they went wine tasting. They had such I fit of the giggles it was contagious. Then, oh good grief! Doug let fly with a fart. That caused even more laughter and he had to sit on the bottom shelf of the bake aisle. I was never so glad to get those two home. We brought the groceries in and the two of them were out on the couches within an hour.
Doug takes ray to get his stitches out tomorrow and have his forehead done. Dr assured us this one will be a piece of cake. One of the aunts called me around noon and asked me to come see her tomorrow. She's downsizing because her health is failing she feels. She wants me to have something of hers. I can't tell you how honored I feel to be included along with my sil's. She's 87 and as active as ray is. First we've heard she's in bad health. We see her at pil's at least once a week. So much death in the family in the last 3 years. So I'm going to get off here and call her daughter. Hope my Doug and jens antics put a smile on your faces. Be back in a while. Love ya, Lisa
Lisa - too funny about Jen and Doug! Love the scene in Walmart!!! Now you know! I'll tell you my grocery store fart story one day. Re wine tasting - we were very moderate - sipped a wine, bought a bottle for our hosts, sipped a little ice wine, and left. Never had it before, but it was good. We don't drink much. I like my calories in other forms. ;) Glad Ray's surgery etc. is going OK. Nice of the aunt to include you, but then why wouldn't she? You are so much part of that family. Yes, it put a smile on my face - thx. :-D Love ya too Joan
KAW: ray had his forehead cancer recovered today. Piece of cake. Out by noon. So he asked Doug if he would take him to shop for marys Xmas. Soooo, more gifts here to wrap. I need to get started or I'll have to give them the bags they were packed in. I'm trying to plan Xmas eve where all my nieces and nephews will be out of here by 6 so we can bring ray and Mary over. No way can Mary handle that many. Last year she was okay with the crowd. I thought of having our day started earlier this year with a Xmas eve breakfast and we can all make the snacks together. It's been rough these past few years making sure they have plenty of gifts under the tree. One niece will take her teenage daughters to their dads and I'll have her come back over. Same with a nephew that comes for dinner every Thursday. They have absolutely no family to go to except us. The family has been kind enough to have us extend the surprise Xmas morning breakfast at ray and marys to include them. I'll get it figured out. I always do. I have that gut feeling again that mom is about to pull a shit storm blizzard by Xmas to ruin it for me. Last 2 I darn near packed all and headed to pil's. Hmmmm...not my problem, not my problem... Love you guys!
sharyn - your potato pancake version sounds yummy too
(((((Lisa))))) another shit storm coming - you know it. As long as DQ is on this earth there will be another one. Glad Ray's surgery went well and he got to go shopping. One year I used red and white plastic Safeways bags, put the gifts in, tied them up and, literally, threw them under the tree. No one minded. I was exhausted that year and couldn't face the wrapping. I am old now so I just send money!.I am sure you will plan everything well. Sounds like quite a three ring circus. It is good of you to make special arrangements for Mary -she does need them. Xmas Eve breakfast sounds good. Great that your niece and nephew are included.
I know what you mean about that gut feeling that your mum is about to start flinging it around again, and Xmas would be the time. - For people like her - anything to get attention on her, and upset everyone else. .I think that is what got me yesterday - mother is just too calm about this upcoming move. I know the shit will hit the fan sometime, and Christmas will likely be one of the times. Today, she did give me her friend's phone number, so I can find out what is going on. Prepare yourself to keep your distance no matter what happens. At least she is not in your home now, so you can enjoy that.
cat - so much for my cooking. G called and has an evening meeting, so I haven't done much more to the moose, or the ham bone. They are well cooked, and will keep. I will do up some stew with the moose tonight so he has some to take with him tomorrow. Good enough!
Everyone -let us know how you are
Love and ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Joan
Do I need to say that I've never coded my gift packages again? Ho-ho-ho!
After she was with us a couple of years, we found out she had a brain tumor, and she passed away a year or so later. Of course then we all felt guilty about not being more understanding.
Years later, I had to assume responsibility for both my parents who had to go into the nursing home. They shared a room. Mother was bedridden and blind. Dad was more mobile but rather frail. They were great parents and once they turned things over to me, they never questioned a decision I made. Dad lived two and Mother five years after they went into the nursing home. During the last year of my mother's life, my older brother became ill and was in and out of the hospital and the nursing home. He had never been married so I had to assume his affairs also. While I never had to care for them physically, I had to take care of their financial affairs and make all their medical decisions. Some of those were very trying. I could have used a site like this at that time. I could have used a KAW group during that time.
My husband had asked for a divorce after 42 years of marriage and so I often felt very alone. My only sister had passed away years before and before my brother became ill, he was no help at all. But all that is for another time.
Thanks for letting me tell my story. It is mild compared to what some of you have gone through, but I know a caregiver's life is like minor surgery. Something is only minor when it happens to someone else.
((((((((austin))))))) that would be hard -very hard
marylee - welcome - I am Christian too, and do not believe we have to stay and take abuse. Sounds like a very difficult situation. Have you contacted Social Services, and/or been able to talk to their doctor(s)? It sounds like something has to change. It does sound like APS is failing in their duty. Can you go up a level or two? Could you contact a lawyer who specializes in seniors issues - especially senior abuse? Wishing you some progress in this very difficult matter. ((((((hugs)))))