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RLP: AMEN!!!
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Elisa, Keep persisting with your careful, pragmatic planning. It is so hard to hit the right balance of all the various requirements and you are doing an amazing job! Glad to hear you have the 30d notice being prepared. She'll probably try to avoid receiving the letter (leave off a return address from the envelope?). Glad you are keeping your sanity during this high drain/slow motion process. You must be so proud of making a good life for yourself. It is not easy to make the big break from the generational cycle of dysfunction. Hats off to you! You're in the home stretch with getting mom resituated--don't give up! Are you stll riding those new bikes? It really does sound like you have wonderful family, and in-laws who love you as much as your husband does. So nice. Eager to see what happens next! Keep those cigarettes and matches/lighter until your mom and her O2 tank walk outta there...Kimbee
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You might try have her served via a process server. Much cleaner and you usually can have it done the same day without waiting for the post office. They will certify to the courts if need be but especially to you that she indeed has been given the letter. Just a thought.
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Elisa, hope you had a good day--thinking about you.
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No one, and I mean NO ONE has any idea of the complexities, stress and exhaustion dealing with being a caregiver is unless they have been there. Every day is like war, and planning a new battle strategy. I've been doing it with my dad, two vicious toxic sisters and two clueless elderly aunts. On top of the extremely difficult task of providing top notch care for your parent, you have all this extraneous bull$#it from malicious family members who are trying to set you up at and chance they can. Your personal life is all but non-existent, and you feel like you're living in a toxic waste dump. My dad has been as mean as a snake to me lately because he was buffaloed by my sisters. I have let it all go. I ignore them all as if they are not even in the room. I am cordial . .. Period. I feel so bad for your terrible situation Elisa. All I can say is hang in there, and remind yourself this WILL END.
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You are still in my prayers, Elisa. Hope you are okay. Rebecca (RLP)
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Thank you Rebecca. I'm ok. Just knowing Monday is 4 days away is keeping me strong. She did have my nephew, who is a cocain addict, come get her debit card to go get a pack of chartered. Beth called Doug who only works 5 minutes away. She had already given him the card and he came back with her cigarettes. By that time I was home and took them from him and crushed them. I got her card and went into her account to look and he took 200.00 out at the ATM. I contacted cas, turned the info over to them and told her do what you will. I'm done with it. All in all it's been calm. I haven't been on here because I haven't been sleeping well the past 2 weeks. I was asleep at 7 last night. Doug and I are going to have my nieces and nephews over that has lost contact with each other years ago. As soon as she's out. 2 won't be here because of their addictions. But the ones I see are decent hardworking, and just good kids. I'm so sorry that they haven't been here in 2 years because of her. But that is going to change. Phone and texting has kept us in close touch. But remember I'm a hugger now and I need to grab ahold of them tight. I'll keep everyone posted. I hope I'll be able to do for someone what all of you have done for me. her breathing is getting worse and I can't help hoping she makes it till Monday. But either way she won't be coming back here. Love, love love you guys
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Lisa: Thanks so much for the update. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs, Cattails
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Thanks for taking the time for the update. Get all the sleep you can!
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Rest sweetie. Sending you prayers
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Lisa take care of you good thoughts and big hugs coming your way.
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Elisa,
Thank you for answering my comment. Just know we are still thinking and praying for your and your family including your mother who must be a miserable person. You have a great life ahead of you! Rebecca
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Monday is coming faster by the minute. Sending you all ove and strength and laughter.
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Just got done looking over packet that was sent to mom from friendship house. Added up expences and she will have plenty left over to enjoy herself with other senior if she so chooses. She informed me that the coke head nephew wants to leave his wife and son and the two of them get an apartment together. She actually saw it for what it is. The same vicious cycle of having her money drained and being an enabler like she was with his mother. I'm trying to talk her into the studio apt instead of the 1 bedroom. Less space to clean. It's one large room with plenty of space with a kitchette and bathroom to the side. She can have her computer desk and her curio. She has a lot to decide. I also realize as much as I would like I won't be able to just walk away. But with her in another place when her cutting words and her hate makes an appearance, I'll be free to walk out. I'm hopeful they have a room available now. Keep the prayers coming!
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You know, Lisa, you have realized the truth to situations like yours (and mine) much faster than I did. You can't turn your back, but you can place distance between the two of you in order to create any kind of life for yourself. The nice part about this is that you can try to love on your own terms (if you want to ) and can live in peace. I am so happy for you! Rebecca
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Rebecca, I was deserted at 9 years old when my brother died. When both of my sisters died, I just could not shed a tear. I've never wished them harm in my whole life, but you can't imagine the weight that was lifted off of me. I could not even shed a tear. But I did take care of their children thru it all. I've always wondered what the made me seem like to others. The sis who committed suicide could never accept that mom did not love her. I hope she's finally found peace with that. Mom caused a scene at her funeral and left. But not before ripping the rosary out of her hands that she had extra and gave my 25 year old niece to bury her with. The other sister? She never even showed up. So Rebecca, there will never be love. And I know with every fiber of my being there won't be a tear shed when she's gone. And how will that look? Don't care. It just is.
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I meant devastated at 9 years old.
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I can totally understand. I have a sibling for whom there is no love on my part. I wish that sibling peace, but I cannot love her. I hope you continue to create a loving life for yourself. You deserve it. I have worked for it for years and am just reaching peace in my fifties. Take care of yourself. Rebecca
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Eliza just take each day as it comes once she is settled in her new place will be time to work on you and you will find you are very strong and her opiton of you is not correct and you will be able to detach from the hurt she has caused and you do not need to see her again until you are ready-then you will be able to see her for short periods of time when you want to and will set your own boundaries and each time you do you will feel that you do have your power back-she will have lost her power over you and that will feel great.
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Lisa, I just signed up today after reading your story and comments. I've been feeling at the end of my rope with my parents these past few weeks and I was visiting this website to see how other people deal with elderly parents. I became hooked on your story and comments and just had to sign up after reading the helpful suggestions and support that members gave you. What an awesome site. I'll be looking to see what Monday brings for you! Good luck.
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Lisa, I've been gone today and Friday evening also. I just want to say that you are an amazing person and how you managed to bring so much love to others, considering the devastating place and ongoing problems and losses of your family is beyond me. I am so happy to know that you have a wonderful family, children and the love of your husband's family.

It's too bad that your mom didn't have you as a mother. She may be learning something from you now and it could be to her remaining benefit. Nevertheless, STAY in the light, the light of love and the light of truth.

I can understand that you can't completely walk away. That's fine and I trust your wisdom to know how to tread on this quicksand that is such a part of your mom's darkness. Show her the firm boundaries you continue to establish and at the same time, open your heart and hugs to those who truly love you.

Blessings and Love, Cattails.
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Judy, who knew that sitting alone feeling such dispare are that I go looking the net over to find affordable housing for my mother that I would find the most amazing people. Tell your story. Everyone here has gotten me this far. I would still be at square one if not for these wonderful women. I've already vowed to myself I will never leave this site. Because, you see, between a mother and two sisters I feel their isn't much I haven't had to endure. So I will pay it forward.
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Lisa you will be able to pay it forward I did not ask for all my experience of those 16 years but it has helped others along the way.
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I am very happy that things are getting better for you. Hope that things continue to go well......... Some of your guys comments are very funny. you do realize that oxygen cant explode right. when a fire happens it is because the oxygen from the canola got to close to an open flame which feed the fire and makes it a stronger fire. Which mean when someone is smoking with oxygen and it to close the cigarate it will cause the cigarate to go up quickly and taking things like the person face and clothes with it. But the oxygen itself will not expode so a house is not under any threat of explosion if there is enought flamable material around this is a risk of fire.
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Hi everyone. She just walked out the door for her appointment with friendship house. It's all coming together. She came in the living room and asked how she would get moved. Well duh. We are even sending the bed she sleeps in. No excuses for not going right away. I'm sooo hoping it's available the first of may. I am so excited. I don't think I can bear it if this doesn't happen. I'll let you know how it went tonight.
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Elisa,
You're the best:) You are a great example of having a problem, gathering info, asking for ideas and help, then dealing with it and moving forward--like I said to you before--"catching the ball and running with it."
You have made the decision with confidence, and spoken it with conviction. Of course it will work out, because YOU believe in the decision, and so others know you mean it. You ROCK!
Be proud of your ability to make this happen. I am proud of you, GF.
Hugs,
Christina xo
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GO LISA! You are the poster child (poster caregiver?) for taking things from problem to solution, and bypassing the "woe is me" stage so many of us (me included) live in. You are an inspiration! Hurrah for you! Sending love
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Yay! And if she comes back and says she didn't like the place, or they don't have an opening until June, just calmly remind her of the 30-day notice. You've done your bit to help her find housing. Now it is up to her.

But let's hope all goes well today
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Blessings to you and your family. Please do not feel guilty. I have issues with that and have to remind myself that I deserved better as a child, and I deserve better now.I have been amazed at the love and care that has poured out throughout this post. You are very precious to us. Hang in there during these last few days. Rebecca
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Lisa: I'm thinking about you and waiting to hear the news. Sending love and white light. Cattails
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