My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
You hung in there. You did everything right. We are so proud of you. I have tears in my eyes because it happened, and you didn't need to wait for a room to open up! She will never live in your home again.
Crying isn't just sadness. I think of it as emotional weather, same as a rain storm. It comes through and passes on. Nothing to worry about, it's not monsoon season. It's just life, getting better.
Jen - you're amazing - like your mom. Strong, admirable.
Enjoy today! xx, Judy
Rebecca
It must be particularly hard to have to explain the situation again and again, to social workers and nurses and who knows who else will ask. You are considerate to remember that they have jobs to do.
Continued best wishes, and keep us informed as you have a chance.
Thank God she is gone from your home!!! Like Jeanne, I am so sorry that you had to go thru the BS with the emergency people, but so grateful that you had the ability to sit down with the social worker and explain your situation. Good for Jen to speak up too.
I can understand your crying. It's a different kind of tears than the ones of frustration and anger that you have shed before. I think these tears come from knowing that it is safe. You don't have to put up all the emotional walls just to live in your own home. How exhausting is that and you've done it for 2 years. You don't have to steel yourself to walk in the front door. Beth and Jen are safe from your mom's daily assaults. You husband can go to work and not worry about what is happening at home.
Also, somewhere in the mix of all this, there has to be sadness. Sadness that your mom is who she is and sadness that you and your family had to have this daily nightmare for so long. It's probably hard to even believe that she is gone.
If you let yourself be open to them, I think there will be more tears. They are cleansing and necessary, so don't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable with them. It's completely normal and rational. Give yourself time to feel your way through the aftermath. If you are so inclined, keep a journal. I think you might find it helpful; a private place to share your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes that helps.
Lisa, good for you!!!!!!! I am so happy for you and so proud of you. You found your way, made decisions and changed your life. What more could any human being do for their personal good and the good of those you love?
It's this Saturday, right, that she moves into her new abode? Or is that still up in the air due to her check issue? Whatever the case, she isn't moving back into your house and really, that's all that matters. It will get resolved.
Personally, I don't think I would take on guardianship for her or be her POA. I'm just shooting from the hip on this, but I don't see any reason under the sun for you to have to be involved with her. If she needs a guardian, the State will appoint one for her. Wash your hands of this, it will never get better.
We'll all talk more about this, but for now, let me just say I am so happy you and your family are free of her.
I had a great time with my Granddaughter and it was special to be in her company on Mother's day. Met all of her husband's to be family and they went out of their way to have a big family dinner so I could meet all the clan. I can't tell you how much I love that young lady. It's so hard for me to believe that she is 22 years old. It seems like yesterday that she was just a little thing and such a daily part of our life. Of course she still is, but not so little anymore.
Love to all and glad to be here.
Cattails.