My 3 siblings have for the most part been MIA for my 2 parents.. both with dementia..and I have been caring for them in varying degrees for the last 7 years or so. So... no calls, no cards, no check ins to see how they are.. no help when they were in the hospital..
Until.....My Dad recently passed last week.. and suddenly they are all over the place.. all over me... wanting to see my POA, wanting to see what attorney it was from, the financials, the medication my mom is on, wanting to take my poor stressed and confused mom on long trips, wanting to move my mom, blaming me on my Dad's death since I put him on hospice, wanting to harass the memory care about the state of mom's health.. etc. etc. etc .
So they were here for almost 2 weeks and they wanted to do all of the above.. however.. I was the one spending nights with mom after dad passed.. I was the one there in the wee hours with her and dad till he passed. They were all gathered having "family time" in dad's room.. where they all came at once to hug each other and cry profusely.. which scared my mom.
How I long for the days they were uninvolved.. I used to dream that they would become involved.. and care .. about them and about me.. but it seems like they are involved out of their own guilt.. they were not there all those years when they are needed.. now they want to feel important. They were excluding me and making feel unwelcome in my own father's room where he lay dying.
It's like I am dealing with the death of my father alone.. and at the same time trying to fight off these enemies.. these people who should care and love me.. it's almost surreal.
They are always coming up with some scheme with my mom.. the latest is my sister wants to take my mom out of the memory care and drive her 12 hours away for a "vacation trip" for a week.. My poor, confused, traumatized mom.. can you imagine?
They are finally out of town.. but who knows what else is going to come up. I am really fearing when my Mom passes.. not sure I will be able to handle it..
This is just a rant.. I feel better getting it out...