As a caregiver to my husband, who has dementia, I have solved the problem of bathing and shampooing, for myself at least, and I hope that how I am handling it might be of some use to other caregivers on this forum.
What I do now, as he has progressed where he doesn't want to sit in that chair in the bathtub anymore is this. I'll just saunter into the bathroom one morning while he is washing his face and hands, and I'll say, "Good morning! This is the morning when we wash your torso. And I have a clean undershirt here and a clean shirt, isn't that great?" Then he'll smile and say, "Yes." So then it just takes a matter of minutes to help him off with his shirt and undershirt and then I wet a washcloth and soap it up and give it to him and he washes his torso, under his arms, his arms, etc., and then I do his back, and I'm singing a catchy song at the same time. He loves this.
Then I dry him off with a towel, and I hand him the deodorant, and then VOILA! Done! Easy as pie! Remember, there is no law of the land that says you MUST give your patient a full bath all at once. No law at all! You are free to improvise, which is what I have done.
Then either the next day or a couple of days later, while he's watching TV, I bring a large bowl of warm water, strip off his socks and shoes/slippers, and place his feet in the water. I push up his pants, soap and rinse his thighs, legs, and then do a real job on his feet, dry them, clip his toe nails, followed by a fancy pedicure, including massage of his legs and feet with a foot cream. He loves it, and it's really a relaxing experience for me. The whole time he's watching TV.
Now we're all done with the bottom half of him (his privates are something he keeps washed and clean every day. Once in a while, he acts confused, and then I step in to help in out in that area; no sweat.)
Then a couple of days later, I shampoo his hair while he's in the bathroom washing his hands. I just step up to the plate, say "Guess what? Time for one of my fancy shampoos," and he says, "Okay," and that takes a matter of minutes, then rub with a towel and we're all done.
So I have found by keeping him clean and sweet smelling in bits an pieces takes all the anxiety away from both of us.
One of our hospice nurses used her chart board to kill a mouse in a patients home and then threw a magnate out of the back door to satisfy the gentleman. As Willows said that is by far the best way to deal with these illusions.Enter their reality.
Willows I happen to enjoy making baskets I used to do a lot of that in my long journey through the world of crafts. What would drive me nuts is to be handed a picture and a box of crayons.
Several months ago, I found my hubby in the bedroom with a fly swatter (it was about 5:00 in the morning; UGH). I said, "What's going on?" He said, "There are four big bugs flying around, and I have to find them and kill them." Now remember! We have to enter THEIR world, right? So I said, "Here, give me that swatter; I'll kill them for you." So he handed me the swatter, and I swatted away like crazy, four swats, and BADABOOM! Bugs all gone! I said, "There! I killed them for you!" He smiled and exclaimed "What a woman!" Then he climbed back into bed a very happy man and feel fast asleep. I used to play "pretend" with my kids all the time. So now here I am again playing "pretend" with my husband. :)
A nice big sign on the doors back and front that says no visitors today please call before coming mama is often too tired to see anyone. lock the doors and close the drapes to any windows they can look in. Visitors welcome between the hours of 3 and 4 during the week only. or whenever you are prepared to let them in. They will try other times but simply turn them away. "Sorry Mama is asleep and I am washing the windows" Hospice should also let you know when they are comming. remember they are guests in your home they have no rights.
now Willows husband is still mobile and co-operative which unfortunately is frequently not the case.
Comfort is the most important consideration when it's "bath" day. Nice big soft towells to wrap the body in and a comfortable warm room. Only uncover the bit you are actually washing and just get it done. If you have to clean your loved one up after pooping take that opportunity to wash the lower half. the rest can wait till you change the upper clothes. As Willows does 'strike while the iron is hot" Not everyone will be as amenable as Willows husband and you may have to resort to "You vill take ze bath" Ya! always try and do it "their way" but don't let them give you the run around however many new swear words you learn.
Another good thing I did for my husband and myself was give up on his shaving. He would shave every day or every other day, but he never shaved completely so that there was always unsightly stubble left over on his face, especially around his chin. One day I had a bright thought (I don't have too many of them so when I have one, I get really excited). I thought why bother shaving anymore? It's silly. So I told him to stop shaving and start growing a beard so that he can look like a distinguished, elderly statesman. He liked he sound of that, so now he has a full-grown beard and, actually, he looks like a senator (I don't know whether that's a good thing or not, ha ha), but, anyway, it's a lovely white beard that matches the white mustache he already had, and all I do is have him sit on the closed toilet seat whenever the spirit moves me, which is about once every two months, with a towel around him, and I trim his beard and his mustache. which is a darn sight easier than trying to keep him thoroughly shaved every day. Ah, life CAN be beautiful! :)