Asking for prayers from all of the forum members that pray.

You're welcome Bandy.

I wasn't talking about the religious messages written by people here I was talking about the religious books people get their religious learning from.

Morning, Real! Are there any updates?

God is merciful once we are dead (I can't quite see mercy in the really horrific things some people go through here in earth). It's the people who write the religious texts that aren't.

If anyone wishes to read a fascinating book on a near death experience, I recommend Howard Storm’s book, My Descent into Death.

I read it years ago. It’s definitely a page turner. He was an art professor who was an atheist. His story is amazing! It’s a quick read but a powerful story.

ITRR, keep the faith about your mom. You have been an inspiration on this forum and an incredible advocate for both of your parents. Don’t lose hope. I don’t believe that your prayers are in vain. God hears our prayers.

Still praying for you and your mom. Thinking of you always. Take care.

ITRT, I KNOW God is merciful.

Countless testimonies from people who have had near death experiences have proven that. They all felt an overwhelming sense of non judgmental LOVE unlike anything that words could describe. I know because I have felt it.

These people had died clinically, no heartbeats, no pulse, no brain waves. Yet they were out of their bodies and could see what doctors and nurses were doing to their lifeless bodies during surgeries. Interestingly, even atheists reported feeling the presence of the all mighty and his indescribable love. And of course, they became believers.

As loving parents, we never abandon our children. When they make mistakes, we give them chance after chance to get things right.

We are God’s creations. As a loving merciful God, he will always embrace us and give us chance after chance to get things right.

Rest easy. Your mother has nothing but LOVE waiting for her.

Dear Isthisreallyreal,
Praying now! Dear Father, Creator of all life, look with mercy on this dear woman and heal her pain in the way you deem best. Love her and end her suffering. In the name of Jesus,
Amen

Your Mom accepting your God would bring you comfort, RR. For that reason alone it is something I pray may happen. We will likely never believe in terms of faiths, but I know we wish one another the very best. I wish that for your Mom as well. Certainly she very well may come to the peace you wish for her as she nears her end. I only hope that if she does not you will not be hurt by that, knowing that you did what you could, reached out when/where you could, and offered her what peace you could.
As I have often said here, my wish is for YOUR peace more than your Mom's; I know you, and don't know her.
I will continue to hope that you get what you need in what may be the end times in this realm for your Mom.

Alva, yes, of course, free will. However, I believe in a merciful God and I know that HE will give every soul the mercy to accept or reject HIM for the last time. It is always our free will to accept HIM or reject HIM.

I know that HE has the power to heal her body and bring her to the place she is suppose to be. I witnessed my dad being taken to this place and it changed him for the rest of his life. I believe this can happen for my mom.

I appreciate your stance, I just don't agree.

I am praying for you and your family. Faith is believing in the things unseen. Things that you cannot even imagine are possible. But God is able. He can make the crooked way straight. "Lord I believe but help my unbelief. " Praying for a miracle for you and your mom.

You are in my prayers daily.

Thanks for the update RR. Sounds like Mom is going, but not gently, into that good night. I think the problem with "patients" like Mom is that they can be so mean, and strong in their meanness, that we (family and nurses and etc) never really get a chance to understand that they are going until they are gone.
Mom has lived by her tenets and she will most certainly die by them.
We are all given "free will"--even believers believe that. Mom is taking every advantage of hers. I am glad you reached out to call her. I am not surprised she has tried yet again to manipulate you because it is what she does, what she knows, what she understands. She will likely be dead and gone six months before she stops manipulating others.
The sad thing when I hear stories of your Mom is that she has made herself such an unhappy life. It is not only that she hasn't been touched by "god" but that she seems not to have been touched by joy, by wonder, by love. And for me, most of all the loss of laughter. I would truly rather be dead than be without it.
I have had patients like you Mom and often they were my favorites, in all truth. Full of vim, vigor and vinegar.I would bet she has the love of nurses and aids where she is; I think you can count on that.
You have done what you feel you can; that's what's important.
Love out to you RR.

ITRR - joining you and others in prayers.

So much of what you write is familiar to me. Mother finally gave me POA when she was 95. Her financial advisor, a man she respected, was pushing for it. Mother said to me "You want to control my affairs" My answer was, "Absolutely not. I have enough trouble looking after my own affairs, but if you become unable to look after yours, I am willing to do it." I think she heard I meant it.

Know you are doing all you can and remember God has a plan. He wants all to come to Him. Cast your cares on Him. He is able.

ITRR,

Sometimes, the only thing that we can do is pray. You do have to protect yourself.

I did that with my brother. I prayed for him daily but I couldn’t be close to him either.

I did take mom to see him in the hospice facility before he died.

I do feel like my prayers were answered. For so many years I had horrible anxiety about finding him dead in his apartment.

So, the fact that he died comfortably in a hospice facility was an answer to my prayers and I felt relieved.

I saw him overdose as a kid more than once and I couldn’t take it anymore.

I am amazed at God’s mercy. The apostle John says, “God is love.” Yes, He really is.

My brother made some really bad choices for much of his life. In spite of that, he was a believer and I absolutely know that is why he didn’t die in fear.

He was comforted by Jesus as his Lord and Savior. He felt that God had forgiven him.

It is sad that he suffered the consequences of his addiction. Addiction is a disease that some people can overcome and others do not.

I truly believe that he developed mental illness from being a long term addict.

His hospice facility had photos of angels in his room. They had really pretty angels on shelves too.

Throughout the years family members of residents brought beautiful angels as gifts. My mom was comforted when she saw that my brother was surrounded by images of angels.

A friend of mine sent me this prayer & I want to share it with you ITRR, in case it will help you or your stubborn-as-an-ox mother:

The Total Healing Prayer

Father God, thank you for your unconditional love, for sending Jesus to save me and to set me free. I surrender myself to your power and grace to sustain and restore me. Loving Father, touch me now with Jesus' healing hands as I believe that your will is for me to be well in mind, body and spirit.

Cover me with the most precious blood of Jesus from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Cast out anything that should not be in me. Root out any unhealthy and abnormal cells and multiply the healthy ones. Open any blocked arteries or veins, rebuild and replenish any damaged areas. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection by the power of Jesus precious blood. Let the fire of your healing love pass through my entire body enriching its function. Touch also my mind and my emotions even the deepest recesses of my heart. Saturate my whole being with your presence, joy and peace and draw me even closer to you every moment of my life, confirming that the Holy Spirit dwells in me, telling me what to do.

Amen.

Need, the best help I have to offer her is prayer and continued prayer chains.

I can love her where she is, I just can't get close, she is potentially dangerous to me in every way possible. Always has been. By the grace of God this will change and I can go visit.

Yes, keeping boundaries and helping in these situations is definitely a trial by fire.

Im so sorry that your mother is dying, ITRR.

ITRR,

This is so hard.

How can you possibly help her if she doesn’t share the truth?

You know how she is and now you have confirmation from her social worker.

Wishing you peace as you continue on in this caregiving journey.

Update: So, I called my mom and she answered with hello, I said hello, then radio silence. I asked her how she was doing and she replied, "I'm DYING!" My response, Aren't we all.

I knew at that point that she was trying to play games. That's why she didn't call me, couldn't very well justify being rough when you reach out.

She won't answer any questions and when she does it is "I don't know." Or my all time "favorite" "they said it's this, that and blah, blah, blah." That is verbatim.

The social worker is getting the same and told her friend that she has been caught lying and saying the same stuff, they don't know what it is, denial, not understanding or dementia. This is nothing new, just a new, no BS audience that is trying to help her and finding out she will do it her way or make everyone near miserable, or attempt too.

She is so very angry and I can't fault her for that, not regarding being sick unto death. It must be very scary to see your life coming apart at the seams and know that you have limited time. I just pray that she can let things go and find some comfort in The Lord. The testimony would change an entire community, she gives her heart to The Lord, then goes and makes things right with the people she has chewed up, apologize and ask forgiveness, that's what I know The Lord can do, imagine her body being healed on top of that. HUGE!

The facility has been pushing her to get a POA assigned and she told them she will call all the shots and make all the decisions for herself. They explained it is for the time she isn't able and the state will intervene if she doesn't do this. Same conversation I have been having for 5 years or longer. I pray she doesn't do it the hard way.

She wants to go home. She has set impossible standards for a facility and will be unhappy wherever she goes, if her heart isn't touched by The Lord.

I have seen mighty miracles in my life, so I am believing that HE is able to deliver one for her and therein, to many. That is my prayer and belief. I thank EVERYONE that understands that and has joined me in those prayers, HE IS a prayer answering God and I believe HE will move on this need, as well as, for our friends lealonnie and Bridget66, who are both facing some very serious personal crisis' and need HIS loving hand to bring them through. I BELIEVE our prayers will be answered for all in need here and in each individual life of all involved. In The Name of The Lord and Saviour, Jesus The Christ. Amen and amen!

I will update after the meeting she has with her friend and the social worker.

God bless all of you! I appreciate every prayer, good thought and kind word.

Prayers that your mom's heart will soften. Perhaps someone in a hospice house, if indeed that is where she is going, will be able to speak the right words to her.

Thinking of you!

ITRR: Prayers sent.

ITRR, I am praying too. I'm sorry for this sadness you have in your life.

Yes, that is the most important. Prayers from me.

dear isthisrealyreal, sending lots of prayers! hugggg!

ITTR,
"Please continue to pray for her. I am concerned about her soul, she won't die until it's her time, so I don't worry about that. I just want her to accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour before she dies. It is ALL that matters."

I get it. I understand. I agree.

Many prayers ITTR.

I believe in the power of prayer, so you've got mine. I'm sorry you're being put thru all this, my friend. It's a lot. I wish our loved ones could stop to think what consequences their actions HAVE on us!

Thanks for the update, RR.
I have wondered how mom is doing.
As to her soul, I think that we cannot change the path of others. You know I am an atheist. This is not by "choice"; this is simply a fact of my life in that I am not a believer, and I cannot make myself believe something just because a loving friend believes I will be thrown into some hell and she will then have to suffer thinking about me in eternal flames. We believe what we believe, or we don't. You, above all people, smart as you are, know we cannot change other people as regards religion or anything else. Put your trust in your loving God to make the decisions as regards your Mom. Just my opinion for what it is worth. If I am wrong in what I believe the fact remains I trust ANY loving god to look at my score card and make his (or her) decision about me.
As to her friends. They are there. They can offer to make the call and hand you the phone. They have OFFERED to do so. And she has likely exhausted them.
As to whether you should go, Mom is simply playing her usual power games, and she may choose to do that until the end, until it is too late, or until this afternoon. Who knows.
As to going there: If you feel you should go there, then do it, but do it for yourself, to bring YOU peace; we already know you can't bring mom much other than a good fight which she seems to enjoy. You are the one who will live on; your peace is important.
My main hope for you is that when Mom goes (and of course given a certain age we all WILL go, and stubborn as she is, she surely will go) that you don't choose to kick yourself about for something you coulda/shoulda. That is all I hope for you.
It may be near the end if docs are planning a move to placement and hospice. You may choose to make the trip FOR YOURSELF. Only you can decide that one.
Given your friends have mentioned hospice and placement now, for me that would be a trigger. Given that this may be true or may be a lie and you cannot know, this is what I personally would do were she my Mom:
I would make the trip now; the words placement and hospice would trigger that necessity in my own mind if I wished to see my Mom again. It would be my last trip to her and I would make it for my own peace of mind as I would doubt it would do a thing for her.
I would not speak with a doctor. I would not speak with friends other than a cordial greeting, and to thank them for their info and updates. I would do directly to Mom's room with a massive bouquet. I would sit with her and hold her hand and look her right in the eyes. I would tell her I will always treasure the good memories I have of her. I would tell her I hope/believe there is a loving god to receive her into his arms when she journeyed on. I would wish her respite and peace, and tell her we both did our best with what we had this time round.
I still remember my Mom, such a GOOD Mom, struggling on the phone in her last hours to tell me she had perhaps not been "so good as she SHOULD have been but had been as good as she COULD have been" and finally gave up the tricky adage and said "Oh!!! You KNOW what I mean...." and we had a last chuckle.
You are the one who will be left here. It is your peace I am concerned with, and you are one real smart woman; I trust you now to know what will bring you the most peace. You must follow your own beliefs, and live with your own choices knowing you made them with the most purity of heart you could muster at the time.
Your Mom has made her choices. They are hers to make. You can lovingly offer your God to her; but you cannot change her to make her believe in him. Just my humble opinion. Bring yourself now what peace you can; I think that you sense this may be the beginning of the end times for your Mom and I think that may be truth.

ITRR: Good thoughts for both you and her.

Yes, it's most likely manipulation. You are brave to call.

ITRR,

This is sad. When do you expect a call from her doctor?

I remember when my mom did rehab there was a scheduled meeting to discuss progress about PT and OT and so on.

I wonder how much she’s participating. She should improve if she’s putting in the effort.

Has she done rehab in the past? It’s a lot of work! I was amazed at how hard they worked. It’s a full day starting right after breakfast. They keep them busy until 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

My mom was worn out afterwards but they get to relax at the end of the day, have dinner and watch television in their room or the lounge area.

My mom said that the food was good. If they don’t like something they can ask for a sandwich and snack.

Keep us posted.

I’m sorry that it has ended up this way. Your mom sure would have benefited from your help. Too bad she made the decisions she did. You don’t deserve that.

Praying for her. And for you! It sure is a weight, even if one has stepped away.