Anyone else notice your face has changed?

I have little stress in my life but my face is MARKEDLY changed. I recently posted a bunch of pictures to my friend and said "People say I look so 'severe', and from these candid shots I can see that when I am just in my normal every day life my face does indeed look anything from "comtemplative to severe to sad".

When I think on my whole life it has been, and still is a happy one. Yes, there is more pain in an 81 year old body that doesn't do any pain meds, but that isn't it.

How interesting you bring this up.

Alva, “I can see that when I am just in my normal every day life my face does indeed look anything from "comtemplative to severe to sad".”

I totally get that. Same here.

I look really serious and not in a good way.

I definitely see a change in my resting face since caregiving , more severe, sad or mad looking . As well as aged more . I compared pictures of my beautiful faced narcissist mother with pictures of myself at the same age . My mom’s picture was at my sister’s wedding , my picture was at my son’s wedding . Mom definitely looked less stressed and healthier and younger . Thanks Mom .

Way, “more severe, sad or mad looking”

This is what I look like, too. Then, when I’m talking with people, I’m back to my smiley face, but part of it is an act.

I get what you say about your mom, too. Just yesterday I was thinking about my mom: not her face, but the fact that she didn’t take care of her mother. Her older sibling did. My mom had no stress.

yes.. body changes as we get older... wished i had gone on lipitor years ago. I dropped 20 pounds but my skin is not bouncing back to what I used to be 40 years ago....

my friends who are about 5 years - 10 years olde have better skin than I do....

another says: IT'S MAINTENANCE... I'm hesititant about botox..

stress, care taking, LO's declining, doesn't help....

Venting ,
i hear you . My Mom did not do caregiving for her parents either . She didn’t work either .

My parents moved, following me when I moved to another state so I “ could take care of them”. My husband’s job moved to another state .

I did not work the first year , getting my teens settled . My mother was over my house everyday, complaining that I made her move . Which I did not .

When I got a job , my mother was irate. How dare I get a job when she moved and had no friends here . It was my fault she had to move . Then it was my husband’s fault that mom moved . Mom never owned up that she decided to follow us . She even told my siblings that I forced them to move .

I took care of both my parents and worked and had teens at home .
My mother did not do what I did , yet I was to take care of her .

Way “My mother did not do what I did, yet I was to take care of her.”

I hear you, I hear you.

Mayday,
Aging…Yeah. But I didn’t mean my face changing due to age. Aging happens to everyone. I mean, specifically because of caregiving.

When I was caregiving for my mom, there were times when I was in a chronic state of anxiety and depression. I’m sure it affected my facial expressions.

I think it’s perfectly normal for our facial expressions to change with our feelings.

I do have to say though. I absolutely despise Pollyanna types! I hate fake plastered smiles on people’s faces. I can usually spot them a mile away. I don’t believe in toxic positivity.

If you’re in a funk, so be it! It’s not going to last forever.

I think we have to honor our true feelings if we are going through a difficult time.

Real friends never expect us to put on a ‘happy’ face. We can be ourselves.

Really good friends that know us well, and have a twisted sense of humor as I have at times can even make us laugh at a time when we didn’t think we could.

Keep those friends close to heart because they are to be cherished with our innermost thoughts.

Wishing you peace in all that you encounter on this journey.

Need, I agree, I don’t like a fake smile.

I do the following:
When I speak with a stranger, like a cashier at the supermarket, I smile, I wish the person a good day, I don’t dump my bad mood on them. I don’t frown when I speak to them.

When I speak to a friend, I also smile because I’m genuinely glad to see them. Sometimes I do tell them about my troubles.

The fact is, how we truly, truly feel, is not when we’re with people. Check how you truly feel when you’re alone, when no one’s watching. Are you smiling, happy? I’m not. I have a lot of problems to deal with, and my face often is serious, unhappy.

These problems will get solved. But meanwhile, definitely, my face has changed since caregiving.

venting.

I guess it depends on what is going on at the moment. I have a bad habit of stubbing my toes in the middle of the night when I go to the bathroom. I’m sure I have an angry look on my face then! LOL 😆

I smile when I am thinking about something nice. I don’t think I frown without a reason to frown.

My caregiver days ended awhile back. My mom died in 2021. She was 95. So, the major stress is gone.

Need, Yeah I see, major stress gone.

“I have a bad habit of stubbing my toes in the middle of the night”

;)

My major stress (helping my mom) is definitely not gone. I’m almost always, when alone, frowning. It isn’t just about helping my mom, but the mess that created for my life and work.

God I look forward to un-messing my life. I’m following my 4-step program. I’m on Step 2 right now:

Step 1 Recognize your life is a mess, from un-messing other people’s lives

Step 2 Vent about it

Step 3 Vent some more

Step 4 Un-mess your life

venting,

It’s tough. It really is. Neither of my parents were caregivers to their parents. People are living so much longer than in the past.

I think Golden’s mom holds the record. She lived to be either 106 or 108. I can’t remember. I can’t imagine living that long!

106.

I’m really happy to hear such numbers - WHEN the elderly person was happy to live that long, and when those helping weren’t destroyed.

I know Golden suffered, helping (even if it was from a distance). Her mom was a narc.

Well I’m almost on Step 3 of my program. At this rate, I’ll reach Step 4 in no time.

venting,

You’ll make it! 😊

(((Hug)))

Many hugs back, venting.

Yes. Years of stress have changed my face. Mostly, I think, because I grit my teeth, but also notice a resting b***h face I never had before.
I can only hope the happiness will come back someday! I love your 4 step program. I'm stuck in venting atm, but have hired a lawyer to try to get the ball rolling on #4!

Cinder, I get you. I frown almost all the time. I don’t mean to. I also started clenching my jaw.

Let’s go for #4!

cinder and venting,

Yep, step 4 is the goal for each of you.

Jaw clenching? I dealt with this. I had a bite guard made to wear at night.

I started clenching my teeth horribly when I was going through infertility. I would wake up with aching jaws.

Sending my best wishes to each of you.

Thanks Need!

Bite guard…At this point, I need a dog muzzle.

I've always had resting bit*h face. Men used to always come up to me and say "Smile!" But one day when I was catching the train to work this ticket taker guy said "How come I never see you smiling?" I glanced around at all the half asleep people catching the train to work and said "look around, do you see anyone smiling?" I think most people when they are by themselves not talking to anyone look serious.

So, in answer to your question, my face hasn't changed. Except for natural aging. I've always looked serious.

@Venting

I don't know. I had a hard life for most of my life. I grew up in poverty and total dysfunction with a narcissist mother and a selfish absent father. Since I was a teenager it was always hard work for me and every dollar for me was always a hard-earned one. I smoked since childhood and only quit a couple of years ago. I've been obese and have gained and lost great amounts of weight in my life. I'm almost 51 years old and I look like I am in my mid 30's. If stress, misery, and depression aged a person I should look somewhere in the late 80's early 90's age group. Yet I don't. I think it's genetics.
I will say that since I had to take on caregiving for my mother I cry a lot more. I like to say back in the 'BC' times (Before Caregiving) I never cried about anything. Then I found I was usually in tears at some point every day, or at least every other day.

@Gershun

I always had people approach me and start with the "smile" nonsense.
When men say it to a woman they're usually trying to hit on her and that style of approach is called "negging". You say something negative to the person to diminish the woman's self-esteem then you compliment them on something so they think you're validating them. "Negging" never worked on me.
I smile when I have something to smile about. I always had a resting bitch face since I was a little kid. My mother to this day still with the comments. It's who I am. I look serious because I've always had to be serious.

venting,

LOL 😆 Dog muzzle! Too funny.

You know how I feel. I positively can’t stand plastered phony smiles! Be yourself, not some phony baloney nonsense!

Need:  “I positively can’t stand plastered phony smiles!”

😉
I negatively can’t stand my frown!

This is not normal for me, and I don’t want it to be normal.

Cinder, I’m tip-toeing towards step 4, un-messing my life. Are you on step 4 too, now?

My Dh has aged 10-15 years in the 5 months he's been involved in CG for his mother. He's 71 and looks 90, some days. Breaks my heart.

He HATES-HATES-HATES the CG routine and does it with clenched teeth and a lot of anger. He comes home from his 24 hr shifts of CG for MIL and snaps at me! Of course that is displaced anger and he needs to get it out--but NOT on me.

His 'resting' face is one of depression and 'woe is me'. He's generally a guy who just wants to get along with no drama and he hates the drama that is his life now.

You don't think of men as having "BARF's" (B1thcy at rest face) but he sure is developing one.

I worry that his depression is getting to me, too. We're in an untenable situation and there is not a lot of 'happy' going on right now.

Mine is sad. But not hopeless.

Update:

I’ve moved on to step 4 of my program:

Step 1 Recognize your life is a mess, from un-messing other people’s lives

Step 2 Vent about it

Step 3 Vent some more

Step 4 Un-mess your life

@Beatty, I hope your face will stop being sad.

@Mid, (((Hug))). Hope your DH and you, are soon better.

This week I solved a major problem that arose in my life because I spent a lot of time helping my mom.

It’s lifted part of the big mountain on my shoulders. My face hasn’t been this relaxed, and naturally smiling (even when no one is around), in years.

Venting,
Hope you do get your smile back!

Yes, my face has changed.
It is called hooded eyes, and resting bi**h face, like Gershun said.
I would have to stand on my head to create a smile! (jk).

I found that there are exercises on Youtube for hooded eyes, and for your smile.

It helps tremendously to have something to smile about. imo. The smile comes from within, who cares if your face cooperates or not. People should look deeper into the faces of others with years of all kinds of experiences.

I believe in smiles, all around! But your teeth should be clean. Lol.

Last night I hit my head on a shelf, so my smile was more of a grimace.
(And a cry, a moan). I might also have tourettes. 😵😵🤪🤬

Sendhelp,
Sounds exactly like my face .
I have decided that I earned this face of battle scars . I’m embracing it .
I did notice that when I am away from the issue like when I was on vacation , my expression was different .