Follow
Share

My mom has been getting worse with Dementia for the last several years. In the past few months, she has really gone downhill with her stories and accusations! She has always talked sweetly to me, but now has turned on me! She lives 3 hours away. She hates her grandchildren that live in that area. She accused them of stealing things from her that she has never owned. She dreams it up! She blames everyone for everything even when they have done nothing wrong. Also, she drinks beer from 10-11 am up until she goes to bed. How can this be good for her? Now she is trying to tell me that she gave me 2 hand-tooled leather photo albums to hold for her. She did not! She gave me a box of old albums but what she describes is not in that box. She is calling and leaving EVIL hateful messages. It is just so sad. I even blocked her phone number from calling my phone. I am in hopes that she forgets all about it, but I doubt it as she has been talking about those photos albums for the past year. Dementia is a horrible disease!

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Mom, if not already, needs to see a neurologist. There are meds that may help. If living on her own, she shouldn't
(2)
Report

She could have a UTI, which causes or increases dementia-like symptoms, especially in the elderly women (and no other symptoms). This and any other illness should be discounted before she gets a cognitive/memory test.

If you are not her PoA and/or are not interested in helping her then please contact APS so they know she is a vulnerable adult who may need more help and protection.
(2)
Report

Once a dementia patient gets a thought into their heads (like the photo albums) it is next to impossible to change it. They no longer have the ability to reason. Her anger/blaming/stealing accusations are her way of coping with the fear/anger at herself for not remembering where she put things (even if she never owned them. One way to deal with it is to just tell her you will look through your things to see if you have the photo albums.

I would suggest talking to her doctor about possible meds. Dementia patients can become belligerent, moody, etc. but they can't control it. Their brain is no longer theirs. My Mom is in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility. She doesn't want to keep her wipes (for her bottom) in her bathroom because people come in and steal them. She has her own room/bathroom and no one comes in take them. I just say, "Oh no, well I will put 1 package in the bathroom and the rest in this drawer in your room." She then forgets about it until I bring more. I let her talk and am usually able to get her thoughts focused on other things.

You will have to deal with mourning the loss of your Mother. You will go through the grieving process many times over the course of her dementia and the decline it causes. I am not a big medication believer, but there comes a time when meds are warranted and can help. It sounds as though your Mother has reached that point.
(1)
Report

Tell her you mailed the albums to her,, then it is the PO s fault, And good luck with that !
(2)
Report

Thank you so much for the encouragement and advice! I really appreciate it as I am so upset and don't know what else to do for her. She lives with my brother and his wife, 3 hours from me. She is so mean to everyone these days. but she has never done this to me before. I will pass on these suggestions to my brother to see if he can get her to go to the doctor. She quit taking ALL of her medications (nearly 20 different ones!) about 2 years ago. That's about when I noticed she was forgetting a lot. Her beer drinking is the other problem.
I have not spoken with her all week since she now focuses her anger on me over those missing photo albums that don't exist. She keeps leaving messages saying that when she was here (she hasn't been here) she saw her photos dumped out all over my floor. I finally blocked her number from calling me. My daughters do not want me to talk to her at all. This is putting a lot of stress on me. I have 100% heart block... meaning that my pacemaker is 100% dependent on keeping my heart beating. I don't need to deal with her false accusations right now or ever. She is going to end up being the death of me. She is literally breaking my heart.
(2)
Report

She drinks beer all day long? No wonder her dementia is worse. Alcohol and any substance that affects the brain including medicines are a NO, NO. However,, if she has decided to go faster and happily, perhaps she should be allowed to drink even more. The problem is of course, the family around her. Perhaps she should be confined just to one room, so that she can drink all she wants without disturbing the family. After all, her dementia is only going to get worse. Who wants to live a long life with dementia? Let her do her thing but keep the family away from her. Forget about seeing doctors, nothing can be done. I'm not a care giver, I'm an 89 year old man. If I were to get dementia, I will refuse all treatments, scans and MRI's, Memory care, SNH, etc. I will let me die as soon as possible. Who wants to live a crap "life"? How do those poor souls with dementia benefit from keeping them alive for as long as possible, when they are already mentally dead? I consider a total waste of money and family suffering in trying to keep those zombies alive.
(4)
Report

Dementia is a horrible disease, not only for the person who has it, however also for all the people who interact with the person.

I remember the day that it finally occurred to me that "stealing" and "theft" are judgements we make because we think we had something and now we don't have it. With dementia, she cannot accurately know what she has and her brain is unable to figure out whether she had it. However, she does know that it is gone, therefore, the conclusion (judgement) is that someone stole it.

In other words, you don't know, what you don't know.

If she hasn't seen a doctor about these symptoms, she should. The doctor might be able to prescribe some medication that will help.

I also suspect that you are getting to the stage in dementia where the family might need to move Mom to a Memory Care unit.

Good luck to you.
(2)
Report

I agree TChamp with all you wrote below.

I’ll just add, there are many degrees/levels of dementia. If I had a bit of dementia, I wouldn’t want to die as soon as possible.

My grandmother had a bit of dementia. She was an extremely happy person, without or with dementia. She lived happily every day till the end.
(1)
Report

I know what you mean. What you described in your post is all very similar to my Mom's behavior. She had an explosive temper and mild paranoia even when she was young. Now that she is 91 with Dementia, she accuses everyone (including the guy who mows her lawn and her eye doctor) of plotting against her one minute, and then next, can't remember what she's said.

EVIL is the word that comes to my mind as well. Everytime I go to that house, I feel I'm in the presence of the devil himself.
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter