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I was thinking of your daughters, need. It is easy to get overwhelmed at these times and it gives them a way to participate without great inconvenience to them.

It's natural to think of others who have passed when a loved one leaves us. It brings back memories. If your aunt is going to be too hard for you to call, someone else can do it Be easy on yourself. Keep your boundaries. You don't have to have visitors if you don't want them right now.
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Ever since I was a little girl I have read poetry and listened to music to comfort myself.

I found this poem last night. I love it. Music and poetry speaks to my soul.

Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us everyday.

Unseen, unheard, but always near, so loved, so missed, so very dear.
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Thank you so much, Barb. Words cannot fully express the gratitude I have in my heart for you.

You walked me through many dark days and nights.

Your wisdom and compassion that you so generously gave will always remain in my heart.
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I am so sorry for your loss, NHWM. Please be at peace with your memories and with your brothers. (((((Hugs)))))).
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I am thinking about my dad too.

I remember the first Father’s Day was really hard after he died.

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. I am sure that it will be difficult but I am glad that she is with her mom in heaven.

My mom and grandma were very close. My grandmother was a very special woman and mom loved her very much.
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Golden,

Maybe I will ask my daughters to make some of the phone calls.

My brother is busy with final details for mom. She’s being cremated.

There are out of town family members that need time to make arrangements for traveling.

We are only doing a simple memorial when we can coordinate schedules.

I am going to have a Mass said for mom but I don’t expect everyone to attend it. It’s something personal for me.

In our faith, we remember our dead and consider them to be part of the communion of saints.

We pray for the souls of our dead in every Mass but we also have the option of having a Mass said for them.
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Needhelpwithmom, I am so sorry for your loss. You were such a good daughter to your mom. Hugs and prayers going out to you. Wishing you peace at this difficult time. I am so sorry.
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As hard as it is to lose your mom, there comes along with it some relief as well, as you now know that she's in heaven with your dad, where there is no more pain of suffering. It can be hard to try and balance the loss and the relief, but hoping in time you will. May God grant you His peace and comfort during this time for you and your family.
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need - make the phone calls when you are ready to. Can someone else do some of them? So glad you are at peace with mum's passing and arrival in heaven and reunion with your dad and others.
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NeedHelpWithMom , sent you a private message. Hugs to you.
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NeedHelpWithMom,
Sent you to a private message. Hugs to you.
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I just went outside for a breath of fresh air. I always feel at peace in nature and it is a beautiful day here, clear skies and sunshine.

As I was standing in my backyard feeling the warmth of the sunshine, I felt a gentle breeze blowing. It felt as if mom was letting me know that she is at peace.

I don’t think I am ready to make phone calls yet.

What is the protocol for this? Do I have to do this now?

I have a tree in my yard that my best friend gave me when my father died. It’s a beautiful maple tree that has grown so tall. Daddy died in 2002. I immediately glanced over at it and felt joy that mom is now with my daddy.
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((((hugs)))). I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad your mom is at peace now., having passed into eternal glory. I am sure she is with your dad and your brother.
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Thank you so much.

I have phone calls to make. I have to pull myself together.

Whew, I really don’t want my 98 year old cousin to be overly concerned for me.

She’s a spitfire! I love her to pieces but she can be a handful!

I don’t want her to get in her car and drive over here. She will end up with another speeding ticket and telling off another cop!

Pray for me. I am not looking forward to making these calls.
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God bless you Need. Wishing you comfort, and to all your family.
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Big (((((((((hugs)))))), need. My deepest condolences on your loss. Your words are so touching. You have had a long and often difficult journey with your mum and brothers. I am glad, finally, there was reconciliation. You have done a wonderful job of being a loving daughter and sister. Time for you now. Please be kind to yourself especially in the coming days. I am glad your hubby and daughers are so supportive. 🙏🙏🙏
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Glad that your brother and you have repaired your relationship.
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I am so sorry for your loss, my friend.

I know your mom is dancing in heaven with your dad right now, after hugging her son again in a blissful reunion.

Sending you hugs of love and many prayers for peace
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Thanks from the bottom of my heart for your understanding of my feelings, for your thoughts, prayers and most of all your compassion and guidance. I truly appreciate everything.

My brother just called my husband. He was concerned about me. I think that he felt more comfortable with my husband telling me that my mother is gone.

My brother went home late last night. He went back early this morning and was with her when she died.

I hope that my brother will begin to look after himself now.

He has heart issues. Mom would want him to take care of himself.

I saw him doing exactly as I did, we neglect ourselves as we care for others. Every caregiver on this forum lives in my heart. I understand how hard it is for you and hope that I can bring comfort to you in some small way.

I will forever be grateful for the hospice house. I will forever be grateful for my mother’s prayers for all of us. I certainly prayed for her as well.

I believe that she did have a peaceful death. That is what we wanted for her.

Each of us has our own beliefs. We are all entitled to believe as we do.

I will most definitely have a Mass said at St. Louis Cathedral. Mom was christened there in 1925.

I don’t claim to know exactly what happens at the time of death.

I can share my dream though. I hope that she transitioned to see Jesus, her guardian angel, my father and brother, my grandparents and her sister and brother, plus many others that she loved.

I hope that Frank Sinatra is singing mom and dad’s song and they are dancing in each other’s arms again, now and forever.

Oh my gosh, I just fell apart. I looked up at the television that I forgot to turn off late last night.

Guess what I saw? My mom’s soap opera!

I suppose that she will be watching, ‘The Young and the Restless’ on a big screen without her hearing aid or headphones.
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Need, I'm guessing that your brother is counting breaths or intervals because he feels like he's going SOMETHING. It is hard for some people just to sit and BE.

((((Hugs))))))
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Neither of my siblings were present when my dad died. One was trying to get there and the other deliberately stayed away. It wasn’t something he could handle, and that’s okay. I’ve shared my mixed emotions about being there. My dad made all sorts of breathing sounds. Hospice told us it wasn’t harmful or disturbing to him, it only bothered those watching and hearing it. They only did meds for it or suctioned if family insisted to make them more at ease. Once my dad didn’t eat, he lived 5 days, with mom it was 3 weeks.
I'm so glad to hear of the wonderful care your mom is receiving throughout this, what a blessing for you to know she’s in good hands. Advising you to rest and practice self care is likely useless, but I hope you’ll find moments that it happens. I’ve thought of you and your mom more than anyone would think for people I’ve not met in person. Peace and calm...
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I've read the secretions bother the listener much more than the person experiencing it. I won't elaborate but in our case the drying agent (scopolamine) seemed too effective.
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"A drying agent medication (I can't remember the name) can be administered by hospice, but its pretty useless."
Lea, I thought the same thing when I gave that stuff to my mom...I really didn't think it did anything. In fact, I remember thinking "maybe it's just a placebo so the family thinks they're doing something to help..."

NHWM, I hope you can convince your brother to leave for a while to get some sleep. You might be right about your mom waiting until she's alone to pass. I'm glad, anyway, that you're leaving for a few hours at a time - it's good that you're taking a break, it's such an emotional process, I think for our mental health alone, never mind our physical health, we need to step away to decompress. I certainly did with my mom...my husband had to do a little arm-twisting, but eventually I listened to him, and I don't look back at that with any sort of regrets.

Still keeping you in my prayers...(((hugs)))
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A book I've forgotten the name of described a woman feeling the full effects of grief. Family was worried & wanted to protect her, make her skip the funeral, take sleeping pills. She said although it felt truly terrible, she wanted to feel it. Feel it all. It was life & she didn't want to miss any of it. This story stuck with me & I hope it will bring me some bravery one day.

Feeling numb, crying buckets, laughing at the funny memories. Strength to you for all of it.
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Thinking of you this morning.
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Elaine,

There isn’t anything left from my childhood.

Hurricane Katrina destroyed my mother’s house and all of the contents.

Mom still hasn’t let go of the rosary that I gave her. They asked if I wanted it. I told them to let her keep it until she dies.

It’s so sweet that your mom kept the letter that you wrote. It meant something to her or she would have thrown it away.
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Needhelpwithmom, you have every right to act any way you want. I was so scared too when my mother was dying. It’s heartbreaking. I also had a lot of vivid dreams. It brings us back to being little girls. We don’t want to lose our moms. I found a letter in her bedroom when I was cleaning stuff out, and it was a letter I wrote to my mom at 8 or 9 years old full of misspellings, saying how much I loved her and never wanted her to die. I told her I wanted her to live forever and ever.
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Polar,

I can’t sleep. I am wired. I just made hot cocoa. I don’t feel like going to bed.

I am afraid if I close my eyes I will have bad dreams or something. I guess you think that I am like a scared little girl when I am 65 years old!

My husband went to bed and I don’t want to wake him up. He has work tomorrow.
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NHMW - I'm still here with you. The last days and hours are SO hard. I think I'm feeling the anxiety on your behalf.
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Elaine,

My brother had oxygen, he pulled it off, they left it off. He became non responsive and died shortly afterwards.

They stopped giving mom her Parkinson’s meds. They continue on with comfort care.

Mom’s mouth is wide open. Her eyes have been closed for days.

My husband was exhausted and went to bed. I am not even sleepy. I keep thinking about mom and that my brother will be calling soon to say that she is gone.
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