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Some people just cannot say "No". Let's help them out with some tips and no judgment. Any humorous "NO" answers? Any answers that have worked?
Because, if you noticed, a narcissist never asks a question where an empath can answer "NO" without there being a scorched earth or an end to a relationship.So many caregivers with a good heart are being tortured and doing things they can no longer do when they themselves get ill.
Let's take back the caregiver's space on our forum by posting here, because we all know who we are.
Say anything. Other "tips" and "advice" are welcomed.

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Sends I've been preparing myself for if my POA brother, calls me to check on mom , if she isn't answering the phone. I'm just going to say No, I am not going to find your mom dead, because you should of prepared for this long ago!!!! I've been going through different scenarios in my head.
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I have a huge in-law situation involving my not wanting to be a care slave for my developmentally disabled sister in law for the remainder of my life or hers, whichever comes first I have just said no. No reasons why. Just no. They hate me but I could care less.

They can judge me all they want but I JUST DON’T CARE.
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“ No you can not go home . I did not make you old and I can’t fix old . “

I used this a few times as my emergency shield when absolutely necessary . I didn’t want it to lose it’s effectiveness with overuse .

It rendered narcissist Mom speechless .
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That is good to practice Daisy!

Years of reading here, one formal caregiver answer would be after you've said "NO":

Say this to brother: "You can call the Sheriff for a welfare check on Mom",
and give him the phone number.
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Hothouseflower,
Thank you for your answer! JUST NOT CARING if they judge you takes a lot of strength and healthy emotional energy to get to that place of safety.

The "No reasons why" is the best "NO" because the in-laws cannot create a trap for you.
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Another "NO".
Well, hello. Who would have known that a request for a ride would be made this morning, with just 30 minutes warning? Neither one of us was dressed, husband just got into the shower with no intention of making this appointment on time. There will be no time, and no hot water for me to shower.

He knew the time early this morning at 8 but has waited to tell me. It feels like it is by design. Hurry and be stressed because he will be late; OR say "NO".
He will be pouting, and find a way to make me suffer.

His behaviors cannot be corrected, due to aspergers and cognitive decline.

Still, the answer had to be "NO". When I was younger, I could have given him a ride, still sacrificing my shower.

A blight on my morning, I had plans to pay the DMV in person and physically cannot go alone. I am left wondering, did he plan this?

Times like this, I want to be a duck and let it slide off my back.

If I just wait a few days, my excuse will be that "NO", I cannot give you a ride because the car is no longer registered. Lol.
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Thank you for posting this. What a terrific idea.

My go to line is: I can't because this person needs professional help, and I am not a professional.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

But it feels good to say no without saying no--such a tiny but difficult word to say.
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So, did Mom make you suffer later?

These contributions to the "NO" thread ate greatly appreciated!
Thank you everyone!
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When the in-laws were sick in 2020, they’d call dh all the time to lift them and drive them to medical and home. Then he had job interviews so we recommended a primo senior limo service for her. Which she likes. They managed.
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"I'm sorry, it's simply not possible." is another way to say "no" to something you do not want to be talked into.

When saying "no", whether you say it with just one word or a phrase, the trick is to then STOP talking.

Never offer any explanations for why you're saying no like "...because I'll be out of town" or "I'm doing ______", etc., because that is leaving the door cracked for an eventual "yes".

If you've ever taken a course in sales, you'll know that these are called "objections". A successful salesman knows that overcoming objections are part and parcel to turning a no into a yes, and it's literally a game to them to overcome all your objections.

It might be difficult at first to stay silent, but this will signal your strength and resolve. It's human nature in tense situations to want to fill the silence.

The person trying to get you to say yes will probably try to keep bargaining with you. Maybe they'll counter with a smaller ask. If that's acceptable to you, say yes, if not, say no in the same way you said it earlier. Again, do not offer any additional explanations.

In negotiation, there's an old adage: "whoever speaks first, loses". That's why it's important to stay silent after you've said your piece. Breaking the silence shows weakness.
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It worked like weed killer . Meaning it worked for awhile . Mom would lower her verbal assault . She would “ try to be good “ in order to attempt to manipulate . And then when she still didn’t get her way, Mom’s anger would grow again . And after a few months when she escalated to ridiculous proportions again, I’d spray the weed killer again . It was a full circle that repeated itself about going home .

It was the best I had since Mom refused any meds for her behavior . Dementia on top of lifelong narcissism is horrible.
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Relatives wanted me to move Mom in my home .

I said , “ No , that won’t work for me or my family “.

I even pointed out to one sibling that they have a ranch home and I don’t and suggested that would work much better for Mom. lol.
They were shocked I suggested they take mom as they were retired and travel . But I was supposed to handle Mom’s dementia when I still worked , and quit work if need be .
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My siblings and I have a Facebook message group. Mom lives in an assisted-living facility. Sister lives in the same town and visits Mom almost every day, usually for 4-5 hours. I visit Mom and Sister once per week for about 3 hours. Brother 1 lives in the same city as me. He visits Mom and Sister once per week; visits range from 15 minutes to 2 hours. Brother 1 regularly asks Sister for a "report" on our Mom's condition. I silently cheer when Sister doesn't respond.
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When my father was dying , I started a phone chain to relay info as I could not get dinner for Mom , bring her to see Dad at SNF ( after work ) and then spend all late evening on the phone .

My one sister refused to get info second hand . She insisted on a phone call each evening from me , she told me she’s “ entitled to a report “ from me “ first hand “ .
I told her “ No , I do not work for you “.
Haven’t spoken to her since Dad’s funeral .
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I am really honestly at “no” because it really is a complete sentence. It might feel awkward at first but it does get easier with time.

Don’t JADE:

Don’t justify
Don’t argue
Don’t defend
Don’t explain

These things make it into a discussion. A simple “no” ends any discussion from the other person.
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I’ve told my adult children that I hope it doesn’t take them as long as it did me to fully grasp that no one owes the world an explanation. An adult is free to decide what’s best and healthiest for themselves, never needing to defend, justify or explain. It’s very freeing
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Exactly right. If you are dealing for instance with someone who has a personality disorder, No is the only thing you can say that doesn’t make the discussion worse for you. They will always try to railroad you into them getting what they want.

No is the only reply that shuts them down.
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Exactly. This is why I always caution people that "No" is a sentence, and not to EVER give reasons. That just causes argument as they try to "reason" and "argue" you out of your decision. It is "No, and I don't wish to discuss it further".

Caregivers tend to think they are responsible for the happiness of those in their care. One wonders just when they WERE happy, because most of them, are not and never were. This is habitual behavior and really only a good cognitive therapist can help those mired in it.
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I've never heard this acronym before. This is genius, thanks Bulldog!
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I start with nada
then
nope
then
nein
then
nit
then
nee
then
non
and finally
in case you missed it, NO!
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Agree. "NO" is a complete sentence. I was waiting for someone to post that, because I forgot the people on here who are known for promoting it.

Another idea is to say this when others question your "NO".

"What is it about "NO" that you don't understand?
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A lot of people ( especially family ) will ask “ Why?”
No matter how many times you say “ No”.
They seem to think they are owed an explanation.
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"No" is simple, but like waytomisery said-- people will then ask "Why?"--as if they are owed an explanation.

When we were little, and asked "why?" the next answer was:



"Because I said so."
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My No's aren't heard or respected.
It takes alot for me to say no and then people act like I didn't say it.
I said no to taking a stray cat atleast five times and it got dumped on me anyway ,it had babies and I still have 3 of them,8 years later.
I say no to watching my brother's pets when they leave town,and they try to lay a guilt trip on me or say that I'm the only one they can get to do it,even though they know my health's bad.
They pretend to care about my health problems and then ask me to watch their dogs....It's really hurtful to me.
I have to work on making other's hear my no's.I say it and mean it but they just don't hear me.
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Luckylu,
I hear you.

As I understand it, the "NO" must be followed up with your own behaviors that show you meant it.

I don't have a real solution, but I am glad you were able to verbalize the exact problem for you.

There will be others here who have solved the same issues. We always hope that we do not need to go no contact with family & friends, but for some, that is necessary.

Maybe you need a doctor's note that says to practice saying "NO" you could automatically say "NO" to every other request made. Then, not do anything that would appear you were saying yes, or changing your mind.

Hopefully, someone will show up with ideas for you tomorrow.
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Luckylu, you need to love yourself more than you love others.

Practice telling yourself " I am worthy" I am worthy to be treated with respect. Respect yourself to say No, and respect from others to have them listen to your No's . Be your own best friend! They are disrespecting you, when you say no, and they ignore it. Don't let others disrespect you anymore!!!

Maybe, try googling or go to AI on how to I gain respect from others. Watch others that have respect, from people. You may loose a few people in that endeavor, but are they people you want in your life anyways??? If they don't give you respect??
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Luckylu, I just googled on Amazon, because I want one, there is Jewelry that says, things like, I am enough, I am worthy. I'm planning on ordering a bracelet, because I always wear one on my left wrist, because of dyslexia I get my left and write mixed up.

Things like that may help you , get strength and keep it!
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I will say to people that question my "No."

What don't you understand the N or the O?

It is a great way to shut it down.

----‐------------

LuckLu, you could make yourself heard by telling your brother you will call the animal control and report that dogs have been dumped at your house, then call and have the dogs picked up as abandoned animals. They will charge him for retrieving/housing his dogs and possibly fine him for dumping them.

Unfortunately we have to get ugly right back when people show us we don't matter to them unless we can be used by them.

Consequences are sometimes very hard to bear when we choose to NOT HEAR a NO.
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I really appreciate all of your ideas.
Thank you so much for caring~
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Three ways to respond

No
No, thank you
No, I don't want to.

It is kind of hard to argue with "I don't want to".
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