The Importance of Grandparents


The importance of grandparents in the lives of children can't be denied. Before our culture became so mobile, it was common for children to grow up surrounded by extended family, including one or both sets of grandparents; who often moved in with their adult children when they became frail.

My own childhood mirrored this now quaint picture of the past, and I've always felt happy about the fact that my children grew up involved with both sets of their grandparents.

Yet, even as my kids were growing up with weekly grandparent visits as a regular part of their lives, they were already in the minority. Many of their friends rarely saw their own grandparents, who often lived hundreds (if not thousands) of miles away. Even with the obstacle of distance, I heard many of these young children talk excitedly about seeing grandparents whenever they could.

In recent years—often because of economic issues—a reversal of this trend is bringing a significant number of families back to the idea of sharing responsibilities and, in some cases, living spaces.

According to Pew Research Social Trends, a record 57 million Americans, or 18 percent of the population of the United States, lived in multi-generational family households in 2012. That's double the number who lived in such households in 1980.

Threading its way through these changes, another type of grandparenting has quietly maintained a strong presence in our society: the grandparents who have become surrogate parents to their grandchildren because, for one reason or another, the parents cannot fulfill such a role. Their numbers are large and their influence is felt throughout the country. If not for them, their grandchildren would have had no familial anchor and, sometimes, no home.

Grandchildren taking on caregiver role

When I was growing up, few grandparents lived to the age considered to be the "oldest old"—those that reach 85, 90 and beyond. But as modern medical care helps people live increasingly longer lives, we are now seeing more grandchildren stepping up to be caregivers.

These young caregivers are often in what should be their formative adult years, yet they are torn between trying to better their lives through education and job advancement, and the loyalty they feel toward their aging—often ailing—grandparent.

We see questions on the forum from this generation much more frequently than we did in the past. Many of these young caregivers adore their grandparent(s), but they are left to navigate our complicated and inadequate elder support system while trying to make a life of their own.

Celebrate National Grandparent's Day

No matter what the situation, the bond between a grandparent and grandchild is precious and unique. That love and care is something to be celebrated.

During the 1970s, a grassroots effort spearheaded by Marian Lucille Herndon McQuade of West Virginia led to the creation of a day set aside to celebrate grandparents.

The first Grandparent's Day was deemed a national holiday in 1978 and has since been celebrated each year on the first Sunday after Labor Day. This special day is meant to honor the love between grandparents and grandchildren, as well as to help children become aware of the strength, information and guidance that the older adults in their lives can offer.

Considering the history of multi-generational households and the staying power of the influence of grandparents in the lives of countless children, it's a day that deserves recognition.

This special day also provides many of us who know young caregivers who provide assistance to their grandparents the opportunity to offer some recognition or a helping hand. Ask around in social groups and religious circles and see if there is a grandparent/grandchild pair that could use a little help or just a bouquet of flowers to recognize their mutual devotion.

Don't forget your own grandparents, as well as any other elders who have meant something special to you. This day is a reminder that we owe a lot to our grandparents' generation and all of those who've passed down love, caring and hard-won wisdom.

Carol Bradley Bursack

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Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen, "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.

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I think this article misses a very important fact. Many grandparents today are unable to participate in their grandchildren's lives because they are caregiving for great grandparents. So many things I wanted to do with my grandkids I can't. Things like take them to Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks, going camping, hiking in the mountains, going to their school programs etc. These are lost years with my grandkids. Soon they'll be off and involved with their own friends and interests.
Some may say the kids are gaining, they have both their great grandma and grandma alive and can learn so much from them. I say hogwash to that. Their great grandma doesn't know their names or who they are and all they see of their grandma is someone who can't have any fun or go anywhere because she's taking care of great grandma.
Another reason I will not have my son taking me into his home when I am old. I want him to be able to enjoy his grandchildren. To form meaningful relationships with them. Time goes by too fast with kids and when it's gone it's gone forever!
I never had the luxury of knowing either set of grandparents that well because we lived too far away. I always envied those who had relatives who lived in the same city..... those weekly family dinners, and the fun they had on holidays.

My significant other has two grade-school aged grandchildren who live out of State, he only gets to visit maybe twice a year, and the visits aren't always that good because his daughter has her own agenda. I haven't seen the children in over 5 years because of dealing with my own aging parents.

Now a days, some grandparents are starting to feel the younger generation think they are their own personal ATM machines :(