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They're not letting me see my father who just had a ischemic stroke. Before my father's wife Anna found out that she is dying. She called two of her daughters and her favorite grand daughter Stephanie with two small kids to meet with them at their house. Anna told my father that she wants Stephanie and her two small kids to move in and imposed on her two daughters to be my father's caretakers. They did this without me and my sister knowing what's going on(we are the biological children ) After my father's wife died. My Dad and my uncle Mike paid for her burial. Dad inherited the house...well, the house is in both name. Since then those Step sisters keep coming to my dad's house a lot. We the biological kids hate that family! I'm like what happened to "Death do us apart".All they caused stress and confusion for my dad! I feel that I shouldn't compete for my dad. He is my father! They have their own father. I asked them not to be around my dad or at dad's house when I am visiting him. They can not respect this! They must be around and causing problems. They are the trigger to this problems. Can I sue them?

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You're welcome, Ali. I try to stay away from threads of this type they tend to reel out of control. And threads like this bring back too many dreadfully sad, vindictive memories for me. So much hate and spite is such a complete waste of energy to say nothing of a life!
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Well, Glad, maybe technically you could. Judge would throw out your case, possibly fine you for frivolous filing, but...

Thanks for bringing this thread back to Earth. lol
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No, you cannot sue someone for disrespecting you.
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FF and Realtime, I had noticed all of those things, too. For me, it comes down to: anyone who is so bitter that she needs to have her father all to herself after he's made a life - and is apparently being cared for post-stroke - with other people he loves and needs at this time in his life... this OP should never be POA and I'm going to guess that her father will never choose to make her such. That may sound overly judgmental? One doesn't need more than an 8th grade education to know someone's nature, to know who is kind to us, who isn't so pleasant to be around. OP is angry, controlling, and would divide her father's family to suit her own desire for control and revenge. I do make allowances for old hurts, but MANY of us on this site have experienced these same things. Thank goodness someone is caring for the father post-stroke and OP is concerned that her "rightful inheritance" may not be protected.

Ack. I have to go with - it's both heartbreaking and infuriating that someone can be so very short sighted and miss an opportunity to spend time with her dad simply because she cannot get him 100% to herself, and get him to turn his back on his other family members. They ARE his family, even if not by blood. He should never have to choose one or the other at this stage of his life.

There's more that I'm basing my thought process on, but FF and Real you both stated some of the obvious issues. OP says one thing, then contradicts. "Father died (to me) when he left in '89," and then "I have a right to protect my father (I insist on meddling where he hasn't asked for my help)." Well, which is it? I know emotions can run high and be conflicting, but clearly OP doesn't understand that caring for someone post stroke is a gift to the elder. If father is well cared for, that is most important. I wouldn't doubt that a step daughter is POA and that father knows better than to give it to this absentee and angry, controlling daughter. Sad but... I think that's the situation.

Seeking2, counseling/therapy and possibly medication is all I can think to advise. Your father is being cared for and isn't judged incompetent, so he can choose his own POA. If he hasn't chosen you, there is a reason -- and based on your extreme anger, bitterness, and resentment of your father's step children, I don't believe he chose someone else because they are manipulating him.

You may have a year, a few years, who knows how long to have a positive relationship with your dad. Focus on that. There likely isn't now, or will be, any significant amount of money for you to go after... and if that's driving your obsession, you are only going to make yourself even more unhappy.

Stop blaming everyone else. Your FATHER made his choices. He has not been under manipulation for almost 30 years. Do you want a relationship with him or not? You'll find out if there is any inheritance for you when he passes away. If he hasn't discussed these issues with you by now, then he doesn't want to.

Just some thoughts...
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Frequent Flyer, I think the OP has issues with verbs, especially conditionals. I read the confusing sentence above as follows: "If my dad had died first, I'm sure Anna would have cut us out."

Or ---- maybe we're being had. If so, the OP has lost control of the story.

Assuming the OP is on the up and up, and simply stressed into incoherence, I have a lot of concerns.

If the OP's father had only an 8th grade education, however hard he worked, Anna must have contributed a lot to the household economy, to the build up of equity in the house, etc. The OP gives Anna no credit for that, but feels entitled to whatever her father now has. Is that fair? Why aren't Anna's children justified in looking on her home as their family home?

What on earth makes her hate Anna so much? OK, the event that took place 27 years ago ---- but doesn't Anna get credit for any good done to the father in the years since then? That was a lifetime ago!

If the OP at various times has battled with her step siblings over POAs, etc., the estrangement of the biological daughters from the father must not have been total. Perhaps he didn't abandon them as completely as she suggests. In fact, her repeated use of the term "homewrecker" sounds like something her mother probably said at the time of the divorce. Sounds as if the OP and her sister have been poisoned against the father and stepmother by the first wife. What a shame!

And her insistence on the term "until death do us apart" makes me think she actually believes that at the time of death, everything that went before is cancelled out, undone, "done apart." The first time she wrote it, I thought she was making a little joke, but now I think there may be some profound misunderstanding about what happens to an estate and a family at death. Anna has died, therefore the last 27 years disappear? Her children and grandchildren disappear? My God, where does it leave the poor man, whose life they were/are part of?

This thread is either heartbreaking or infuriating. I wonder which.
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Seeking, you just wrote "I am for cutting her kids out! They are blood suckers! If my dad dies first and I'm sure Anna will cut us out. She always have been cutting us out from day one! That's pretty cruel on her part. Makes no difference."

Wasn't Anna your Dad's wife? Didn't she already pass in March of this year"?

My gosh, either you need to talk to a therapist or this has been one interesting story.
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Seeking, now let me get this straight... your father is still alive, right?... I am so confused, it sounds like he had died already as you and the step-children are fighting over his estate. And for someone who never wanted to see her Dad again, you are sure going in the opposite direction.

I came across another thread elsewhere on Aging Care where you had posted about your Dad, his late wife, and her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. The post above said "I tried to get my dad to let me know who POA and health proxy". On another thread you said that your step-sister was the POA. Then I read here that you want Dad to make either you or your sister POA, but on another thread you said your Dad wasn't competent enough to give the step-sister POA.

This is becoming so very confusing.
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I am for cutting her kids out! They are blood suckers! If my dad dies first and I'm sure Anna will cut us out. She always have been cutting us out from day one! That's pretty cruel on her part. Makes no difference.
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So after all, this is all about money. You think that somehow you're going to become liable for your father's debts? I can't imagine how, unless you have co-signed loans with him. You thought that if Anna died first, your father would leave you everything that belonged both to her and to him---cutting her kids out completely? That's pretty cruel. You thought that when she died he would no longer love and respect her memory, her wishes? I don't know what to say. Time to go.
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Up to this point, I am letting it go. Let them deal with it. Good to be armed with information! I am ready and will be very prepared when it is time.
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How could you possibly had anything to say about this? Yes. I have the right to protect my father. Death do us apart... that what it is that the relationship is over! No need for them to stick around. I'm sure that once the estate money comes in, they disappeared and forget Dad.
Why are you poking into the status of his house deed? I have to protect my father and my family from being burden with the debts. Yes, the debts must be paid up and cleared. If he wants me or my sister to be his POA, we have the right to know what's is going on with Dad! I'm sure you don't want someone who is not family trumps you over your parent. You would feel what I am feeling now.
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"When their mother was dying. She wanted to die at home. We respected them and let them spend time with her at Dad house." You respected your father's decision to allow his stepchildren to spend time with their dying mother in his house??!! How could you possibly had anything to say about this?

"I'm going to dig around to see if there is many loans against Dad's house." And what could you possibly do about it if there is a mortgage and second mortgage, etc.? Say to the step sister or to father, "Please pay these off, in case I inherit this house I want it free and clear"?

If you are backing off, why are you poking into the status of his house deed?

Seeking2topro, I think your extreme bitterness is seriously clouding your judgement. No, you cannot sue someone for not respecting you. No, you cannot control who your father leaves his house to. No, you cannot force anyone to pay off loans against a house you may or may not inherit.

Backing off is a good idea, but please, please, get some therapy for your own sake. That burden of bitterness you've carried for so long is hurting you much worse than it is hurting anyone else.
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cwillie has a good point about letting go and healing scars. I have to say my father's third wife really wanted nothing to do with his first wife's grown children. However she was a good wife to him for 24 years and I made sure he had a Will that gave her everything. She didn't even know the Will existed until the day he died. On the other hand I told his second wife that he left me a million dollars. I wish you could have seen her face. LMAO.
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"It's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission" ...

Sorry, AC family. That wasn't an appropriate answer.
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You are saying your dad abandoned you all for his new wife and her family over 25 years ago and that he basically had no contact with you in all that time?
And in that time he seemingly has had a good relationship with his new extended family?

Frankly I don't understand why you even care about this man, he treated you badly and chose not to be a part of your life. You seem to believe that the death of his spouse of over 1/4 century would somehow free him from the "spell" she held him under and he would naturally return to the bosom of his first family (all of you almost total strangers to him), does that really seem to be a rational hope?

Your last statement, "I would say my father died in 1989", seems to be the truest thing you have said in all your posts. The loss of your father seems to have left very deep emotional scars, have you considered therapy to work through them?
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Seeking, you might find more support and a more appropriate place to vent if you go online and search for "I hate my step family and I'm obsessed with how they may or may not have taken resources from my father that he willingly provided for them but not for me due to reasons that have nothing to do with my being a vengeful and bitter person." Good luck with that.
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I'm going to dig around to see if there is many loans against Dad's house. It is a public records that I can access to. I have to protect myself because I will not pay for these loan took out by them and step sister's when my dad passes away. I don't like surprises. I prefer plan ahead. I tried to get my dad to let me know who POA and health proxy when he got stroke. I think good time to talk about it now while he survived his first stroke. I know that once you got stroke and there will be more later but worse that he will not be able to talk or do anything. He is 75 yrs old. I get it that I am not wanted for no reason. I'm backing off and leave him alone with that family. I would say my father died in 1989.
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My dad is less than 8 th grade education. He dropped out school at young age. One of Step sister is para- legal. She is swooping in already! I hate her too!
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jeannegibbs- that's why I mentioned that Dad and uncle paid for her burial. She knew she wil have short life. She didn't bother gertting life insurance or anything for her burial. Dad should have just get her creamated! Save his retirement money fir himself! He complains to me that he can not retire because of credit card debts and still need to pay cost of living! His and their cost of living!
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To jeannegibbs, yes their real motives are money. They only stick around because they felt that they are entitled to portion of dad's estate. They never cared about Dad. They just walk all over him.
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I just washed my hands. I am done with Dad! His last moments will be with them. I will not go to his funeral. I am exhausted.
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* their own husbands
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When I called Dad he was crying to me and said he has no body! So I bought the first plane ticket costed me $300. Then he called me back and said don't come down because they are already camped at Dad's house. They have three own husbands and home close by. They feel the need to sleep there. So I didn't fly down to Florida from New York. Bye bye my $300 tickets!
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When their mother was dying. She wanted to die at home. We respected them and let them spend time with her at Dad house. She died on March 25 2016. I feel nothing when she died. I truly hated her!
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She died on March 25th, 2016. I am so happy that she died!
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Dad married this homewrecker since 1989. He just walked out on us and married this woman and he helped her raised those two step daughters and now the grand kids and great grand kids at my dad expenses! He has been paying for them! He is a dumbass! He allowed them to walk all over him from day one!
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Excuse me -- they're not your step sisters. They are your dad's wife's daughters from a previous marriage.
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It amazes me at how much emotional energy people can invest in hating siblings and step-siblings and cousins and cousin's cousins. Whew! I would just go visit your father if that is what he and you both want. He is not a well man, though, so I would check the hatred at the door. I don't let him off the hook for not seeing you and your siblings. I have a feeling that he is where you need to be practicing your forgiveness, no matter how much it hurts to face facts. Your step sisters didn't keep your father from you.
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Seeking, I sympathize that you hate your step siblings and feel your stepmother isolated your father from his children.

But unless your father is deemed incompetent by a doctor, then your father can do as he pleases with his life and his resources. If he wants to disinherit you and leave everything to step siblings, he can do that.

I'm sorry that the relationship with step siblings is so bad, but for the sake of having a relationship with your father (IF that is what you really want), why not try to plan a few visits with him? If he wants to see you, he has the ability to do that, yes?
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Not touching this one with a ten foot pole! Wow.
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