The state diagnosed mom with Alzheimer's after a violent outburst and they put her into a nursing home. Now she wants to go home and cries. What can I do?

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M mother was violent... Threatened to kill my stepfather. Sliced his face and was put into jail. This is when she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. the State put her into a home. This home is rated 1 star and is very bad!!!! She constantly wants to go home... It's hard to get her into a nicer place. We are all distrought. When we visit, she only wants to go home. She used to get very angry, now she cries. what can I do? Help! I wish she can be in a nicer place.,...

Answers 1 to 10 of 13
Why is it so hard to find a better place? Is it money, her disposition or what? Seems like that's the solution to me.
Was this a court order? You need to seek legal advice and /or appeal the state order. Contact Legal Aid or hire an attorney.
I do know that every place has to be monitored by you. They never have enough staff for all the needs of residents with Alzheimer's. My mom is in her third home and I work to be on top of it every day on the phone and visit her 2 -3 days a week. Alzheimer's is Alzheimer's. She feels her emotions, but cannot control what she is thinking. Stuff happens and your's was dangerous. I am sorry you, your family and your mom have to go through this.
I monitor my mom's med's, and write up papers on what I want her to go to in activities each day, give them to the floor nurse to give to the caregivers. I go right to the floor nurse if her laundry is still sitting there, if she has not been helped to shower. Still no guarantee, but I keep at it. Sometimes I think they quiver when I walk in the place, but I am so friendly to all that they can't be. Keeps me on top. Writing the owner, etc. usually gets things moving! Otherwise, they really are wonderful with their medical responsiveness, the physical therapist, nurses, even the caregivers are most all really caring. So I help them keep tabs on her.
Mom calls me 6 times a day! Each morning we talk about the activities for the day and that she needs to get the paper that shows them so she can follow best she can. I gave her a very readable watch and that has helped her to follow the schedule. Even though she often calls me to find out what time it is, to double check her watch.
Why does your mom have to be in a Nursing Home? And not an assisted living? I am guessing it is because of the violent behavior? Or why not the Memory Ward of an Assisted Living home?
My Gran was misdiagnosed with Alzheimers and put into a state home in Ohio while we tried to get to her from Illinois and get things sorted. She was having eplileptic seizures, not Alzheimers, but since medicare at that point paid the $6000 or more per month to keep her insitutionalized with the big A, we had a lot of trouble to get her out of that place. Lap buddies, etc., everywhere. Terrible standard of care. Was a standard of medicare farming.
Is your mother dependent on Medicaid for her placement & care costs. Indigent people who rely on Medicaid are placed according to where vacancies occur, not for the convenience of the family or the 'patient'.

Educate yourself now and speak up for your mother whenever you see neglect. You can document and report poor care to
your state. Here are a few bits of information I came across in just a few minutes of googling 'nursing homes' and 'substandard nursing home care'. If you have had no prior experience with nursing & retirement facilities, the situation can be bewildering. But don't be intimidated or faint of heart.


Dept. Of Health & Human Services report: Trends in Nursing Home Deficiencies & Complaints

Consumers Union website:

"Families that have time to shop for a nursing home for a relative should first look at the Consumers Union Nursing Home Watch List, available on the Web..

If you can, avoid those facilities that have been on all three lists as well as the list for "yo-yo" compliance. In some areas, particularly rural locations, there may be few choices for families. Better facilities might be full, and the only facility accepting new admissions may be one of the homes on our lists. If you find yourself with that choice, you need to take additional steps.

* Obtain the state survey report that MUST BE POSTED IN EVERY FACILITY. Some facilities don't make the state report readily available, so you may have to be persistent in finding it. See what deficiencies the facility has been cited for. If the nursing home, for example, has failed to provide adequate hydration for residents, YOU will have to make sure your relative gets enough fluids to drink. If the facility has been cited because residents have bed sores, YOU will have to make sure precautions are taken so your relative does not develop them.

* Be extra vigilant and visit the facility often. If you have to use a nursing home where consumers are at high risk for receiving questionable care, YOU will have to keep close tabs on the facility to make sure your family member is well cared for.

* Get involved in the initial care planning that all facilities are required to do for each resident. Once the plan is in place, make sure that it is followed and when your relative has different needs, make sure the facility administrator knows what they are so the care plan can be appropriately modified.

* Join the family council that most facilities have established. Banding together with other families and speaking up when care is not good can bring positive changes that will improve the quality of life your relative experiences."

Keep looking for a new place. DO NOT TAKE HER HOME. She is a violent person. She may have Senile Psychosis.
Is it a possibility that since your Mother has been diagnosed w/ alzheimers that lead to her violence, that she is now on medication that has eliminated the violent behavior? Perhaps she could now re-enter the home, continue w/ the meds, and be able to live at home again, at least on a trial basis. It sounds as though her mood and personality has changed since she's been at the nursing home. Instead of being angry, you say she is sad and tearful...maybe remorseful. She could be told that the trial back at home would have to end if any violence surfaced again. In the meantime, you could search for a better place just in case. Best of luck to you and your distrought family members!
If you are looking for a new placement for her, be aware that some better nursing homes do not accept persons who are / have been violent.
Dear Linda, I am so sorry for your troubles.It 's so sad, I really wish i were "there" to help you. Please know that you are not alone and that I will be praying for you all. Before driving yourself crazy by delving into all the different details,you MUST contact your local Alzheimers Chapter to get assistance and guidance. Your Mother is not a criminal, she is a very ill person.She needs a Thorough Workup and Proper Medication. She needs help from an attorney who works specifically with Seniors and Mental Health Issues. You and your Father need support and Education about how to manage a person with Alzheimers . They can help you with all of these things. When this incident first occurred, your Mother should have been taken to a hospital, NOT to a prison. Unfortunately you will find that most police depts. are given very little if any, training in this area. Please CALL the Alheimers Chapter ASAP.Your Mother needs proper treatment first; you can worry about placement later.Any other approach is a recipe for disaster.Let me Know how you make out. Good Luck,and God Bless. Sincerely, D.
dotsi summed it up clearly!!! Proper diagnosis and medication is the first thing on the list, this is needed to stabilize your Mom's mental health. Seek behaverial health hospitals. Once my Mom was stabilized and properly medicated she was not so difficult and more comfortable with her surroundings. In order to take responsability of any or all of care organization and financial needs you need conscent from her. If she has been found incompetent by a judge, this may be difficult. There should be a social worker at the fascility to assist you. Good Luck!

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