My husband and I have been married for 25 years and my father-in-law with Parkinson’s just moved it. What are my options if I can’t handle living with my father-in-law but don’t want to leave my husband or move out?

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Father in law sits in a recliner and husband in his recliner facing the tv with non stop football games or sports and my back is to bad to sit on the couch and no room for my recliner so it got moved upstairs to my bedroom. It stinks in the living room as the non stop gas is horrible. I go to use the restroom and it is so gross with do do on the toilet seat or p on the floor so I bought a lowes bucket with a seat and go upstairs in my bedroom where I stay most of the time. my friend watched him so we can get out but he is a don juan and grabs all the women. i want him out but husband won't put him in nursing home and i can't stomach the grossness to be honest. my husband takes 2000 a month for expenses from his dads account which just covers his dad's expenses...every single day his dad demands to be taken out and entertained. my husband is retired and his income is 2600 a month. sadly..my income is only 800 so it sure isn't enough to live on as I am on disability but considering moving out. i cant remain a prisoner in my little bedroom day and night...it is horrible and i am miserable. i don't know what to do. what would you do???

Answers 1 to 10 of 25
I would sit your husband down and have a very serious heart to heart conversation with your husband about his dad. Sounds like your husband is afraid of his dad and that fear is greater than his commitment to you as your husband or maybe he is blinded by fear, obligation and guilt and needs a verbal slap in the face to wake him up.
You didn't ask to be a caregiver and caregiving is not for everyone. Good for you for recognizing that it is not your cup of tea. Be honest with your husband and let him know that you are at your wits end and are considering moving out for your own health and sanity. Let him know that there are assisted living facilities where his Dad could live with greater independence than being in a nursing home. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do. That's a tough situation you're in.
I'd move out. Or at least I would explore the options available to do that. There are various kinds of asistance available to people with disabilities who only have $800/month income. A subsidized apartment would be small and not luxurious, but at least you wouldn't be trapped in your bedroom. Realistically, what could you expect? Legally, what would your husband have to provide? What would change if you divorced? Really look into all options and take them seriously. The goal is to find out what the possibilities are. Then when you have your heart-to-heart with hubby you can speak confidently and and realistically. When you say, "I can't continue to live like this," it won't be just desperation talking -- you'll know of other ways you could live. You are not issuing ultimatums, just stating facts. You are not going to continue this way. You are willing to listen to his ideas for improvements, and you also have some plans of your own. This may change his mind about placement for his dad or it may not. Either way, you'll have a path to follow to save your sanity.

Good luck.
Is he on effective medication for his dementia? Something to keep him under control do he is not so disruptive? Have YOU told old fart HE is ruining your marriage and you are going to find him a place to live? If he doesn't care or understand due to his dementia, then you are stuck unless hubby responds to you. Go stay with friends out of state for awhile and notify SDI to forward your
check. Vacation, Pat:) Good luck, dear one. Love, Christina
Top Answer
Having read similar posts from you in the past, I would say that it is time to take action. We can give you all kinds of suggestions and advice, but until your hub and FIL take you seriously and respect you, things will remain the same until you end up in the hospital. Don't let that happen. Take charge and let us know what happens...
good luck
There are things to discuss with your husband. Other kids that might could help. Grandkids that pitch in. I am offended that christina28 would call him "old fart." For Gods sake these are our parents so turn the table and ask how it would be if it was your parent. Or best yet...if it was YOU!!! carma......
Hi ibishop,
I apologize for offending you with my terminology.
Regards,
Christina
Christina, in the circumstances I thought your term was appropriate. Anyway, most people use that as a term of affection tinged with exasperation.

You can please some of the people some of the time ...
Any man who poops and pees all over the place, lies around like a slug, and is a "don juan and grabs women" is an old fart in my book.

Hon, start looking into another living arrangement NOW: get a roommate, live with family or friends temporarily, get a part-time job to help you with costs, look into government subsidized housing, etc.

Just reading about your living conditions makes me sad.....
Jeanne, Linda, Pat: I love you girls:)

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